chrisftw Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 So we broke up she goes back to her guy she broke up with for me and then proceeds to string me along for 8 months her emotional shift during those 8 months are all over the board. she'll call me her boyfriend one day then a platonic friend the next. she'll open up to me during an emotional crisis meet with me make out with me and then say she doesn't know what she's doing and confused when she's around me. she'll cry on the phone talking about how she feels i'm vanishing from her life and she needs me and her life is a mess right now. the next day its all my life is amazing and i'm happy. i had enough at the 8th month mark and also when she posted an old couples selfie of her and her guy on christmas day. Although she did it because she need a "boost" in self esteem and she gets that by all her friends telling her how cute they are etc... here's the thing i've tried NC she doesn't respect it she plays into my emotional center and guilts me for leaving her like both of her dad's did. I tell her to open up to her guy and she says he doesn't know her like I do and he's terrible at talking deeply. so last night i give in and entertain her in conversation. then BOOM she's back literally at 7AM this morning (when she wakes up) saying Good morning handsome and blowing me up with text's like she didn't just shatter my heart 8 months ago! How do i proceed on this because obviously ignoring her isn't working! she just forces her way in by guilting me then proceeds to shower me with attention and then withdrawals and says we're just friends though. HALP!
Marco Valerio Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Well, in your case what you need to do is block her number in your phone. Also if you have facebook, or any other social media. You have to avoid her contacting you, and if she does somehow, delete her messages without reading them. 2
evanescentworld Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) So we broke up she goes back to her guy she broke up with for me and then proceeds to string me along for 8 months her emotional shift during those 8 months are all over the board. No... YOU proceed to LET HER string you along.... she'll call me her boyfriend one day then a platonic friend the next. she'll open up to me during an emotional crisis meet with me make out with me and then say she doesn't know what she's doing and confused when she's around me. So you need to block her completely, right? From A - Z, every which way.... she'll cry on the phone talking about how she feels i'm vanishing from her life and she needs me and her life is a mess right now. the next day its all my life is amazing and i'm happy. She's BiPolar, of course she's going to blow both ways...! Of course, this wouldn't be happening, if you'd blocked her.... i had enough at the 8th month mark and also when she posted an old couples selfie of her and her guy on christmas day. Although she did it because she need a "boost" in self esteem and she gets that by all her friends telling her how cute they are etc... So you totally, completely, entirely blocked her, right....? here's the thing i've tried NC she doesn't respect it she plays into my emotional center and guilts me for leaving her like both of her dad's did. Bovine Scatology, my friend. you love it. The fact that she seems to need you, gives your ego a heck of a boost. It's got nothing to do with her 'playing into your emotional centre'. You let her in, because you want to. 'Respect your NC' my foot. YOU don't respect NC, otherwise you'd make sure it worked!! I tell her to open up to her guy and she says he doesn't know her like I do and he's terrible at talking deeply. Which inflates your ego even more.... so last night i give in and entertain her in conversation. then BOOM she's back literally at 7AM this morning (when she wakes up) saying Good morning handsome and blowing me up with text's like she didn't just shatter my heart 8 months ago! So now, because it's obviously getting all a bit too much, YOU ARE GOING TO COMPLETELY BLOCK HER, RIGHT?? (Yeah... right.... ) How do i proceed on this because obviously ignoring her isn't working! Oh, I'm sorry... Where exactly have you succeeded in ignoring her? I must have missed that.... she just forces her way in by guilting me No, she doesn't. She doesn't force anything. You give in. This is your fault, not hers... then proceeds to shower me with attention and then withdrawals and says we're just friends though. Yeah, BiPolar, contrary people can be like that.... ya know...? HALP! We can only 'Halp' you when you decide to 'halp' yourself. And until you do so, you're always going to be that victim of your own ego. because you are playing into this. You're getting the payoff of being made to believe you're needed. And part of you loves it. Until you draw a line and end this, it's always going to be this way. Knock yourself out. Edited January 18, 2015 by evanescentworld 4
Haydn Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Yes you should `try` to stop in all forms to allow her to contact you. But it is no shame to mess up with NC, (A few times) Pretty human. BPD is real (In my opinion) and they will change and any given moment. But you don`t have to be there for the ride. They are highly infectious and capable, and it is never that easy to just quit. But quit you must. Sooner the better. Good luck to you. Been where you are. 1
Satu Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 You need to let her go. Its easy to see between the lines that you get an emotional payoff from being in contact with her. Stop faking your unwillingness. 2
Author chrisftw Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) no you're all right. I do get some satisfaction out of her coming to me but only when her mood swings in my favor. When her mood is all "we're just friends" I get the sting of heartache. but she comes and goes like that and has been that way. i should have known there was something off when at the beginning her infatuation with me was borderline unhealthy. I've never heard a woman say the things she did, half of it seemed so unreal it was like reading a romance novel. I think her BPD nature caught me in a fish net. And to answer the question yes Today i blocked her from facebook and I also blocked her guys facebook so she can't just log into his account and send me a message. And then even further i deactivated my facebook. I haven't blocked her in my phone although iphone allows you to do that but I did turn off my "read message" option so that when she sends a text it wont let her know if i read it. I do plan on reading her text's but I won't respond. I'm honestly tired of feeling like crap all the time. it may seem like a joke to you all but i've had my fill of this self loathing long enough. I want the old me back worse than I could ever want her back. Because I was happy and dumb back then. I guess me being 32 though is perhaps why I felt the need to hold on as long as I did I feel like i'm getting to old to date. But i suppose that's a self esteem issue. Because there's 40+ year olds out there in the dating world. But all this is just another black mark on my record and trust for me is almost impossible these days when it comes to the opposite sex. I think Monks, Buddhist, Jedi all the religions that shun emotional attachment are on to something because only when you let go of those things is where you can find calm and solace in all things. But if somebody came to me and said listen i can give you one of two things You can have her back and things will progress as they have OR you can get your old self back but you'll have no memory of her. I would take the second option in a heart beat. I just want Chrisftw back the flirty, sorta confident but at least he's not faking it person back. I'm not fun anymore I'm not witty anymore i hate that i'm not passionate about my job i worked so hard to get through school for. I should be happy i'm becoming successful. I used to be! I just want that person back I don't care if i have to give her up to get it. Edited January 19, 2015 by chrisftw 1
bigtrouble Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 There is a point you reach you can only take so much. You are on the right track. Its tough at first but it gets better, just ignore her. NC is the only way. 1
Ebelskiver Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Block her pone number!!! Why would you want to read her texts? That only makes you think about her more and pulls you back into the drama. Block her! I've blocked someone before and it was such a relief knowing I didn't have to wait around for them to contact me....they couldn't! Also, a great book on BPD is "Walking on Eggshells". I got it for a friend who's mother has BPD. She said it was the first time she's ever understood her mother's crazy motivations.
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