M&M Posted March 29, 2005 Posted March 29, 2005 Hi There, I'm 25 and I was with my boyfriend for about 8 years (since we were practically kids). He treated me very, very badly...he was messing around for probably all of it after the initial 6 months or so, he was physically abusive, he destroyed my self-esteem, isolated me from my friends, and yet I kept taking him back. We "officially" broke up over a year and a half ago, but we still kept together in one sense or another...This time though (5 months ago) I left him for good. I'm still so sad though and I think about him all the time. I wonder how he's doing and if he thinks about me. I get so sad. I've dated a few times but nothing more than 1 date per guy because none of them seem worthwhile. Now I"m wondering if really there's nothing better out there. I just feel so down all the time. I don't want him back for what he was because he nearly caused me to do some serious harm to myself out of sheer dispair and depression and I never realized just how angry I was for so many years!! But at the same time, I miss looking at his face, and his stupid jokes and the cuddling. I feel like I"m going to be alone absolutely forever. My friends seem to think I've become "emotionally damaged" and don't know how to love anymore and that hurts to hear because I don't think it's the case. Has anyone else been in this position? Do things get better? When will I stop thinking/missing him? Any help at all would be incredibly appreciated.
Puma Posted March 30, 2005 Posted March 30, 2005 i think you need help. you like many women out there have become addicted to pain. emotional pain, suffering, hurt, are what you seem to seek in someone. dot believe me? well tehn why did you keep goin back to him even after he, as you say. physically hurt you?? it is not my part to say..but if i were to investigate you a lil more thoroughly i can find the holes in why you accept this type of behavior from a man. i sugest you think about what it is you want and focus on how you feel instead. you only want this guy because he has caused you pain and now you are accustomed to it. there are many women out there that stay with cheaters, liars, abusers, losers..all for what? because they feel somethin for them despite eveything. is that love? i would hope not cause then its a pretty messed up world. i really believe you can change though once you start changin your thoughts and realize that you really can have someone else worthwhile. i bet you that ur missin good traits in other guys because you fail to see them clearly. i find your topic interestin and it helps me out a bit so tahnks. i still believe taht nice guys dont get anything and you just further proved it. that sux but its reality. but you dont need an a**h*** either!! find yourslef someone who will treat you right but wont be needy either.
RecordProducer Posted March 30, 2005 Posted March 30, 2005 Dear M&M, your case proves why it's not always good to forgive. Many people forgive the ones who hurt them, just to let them continue to hurt them. You're not a little girl anymore and you should have more respect for yourself. He's not worthwhile so don't ever let him back in your life again! You miss him, because you're used to him and you don't know any better. But, of course, there is better. Oh, so much better. My boyfriend treats me like a queen. You should only let the ones who treat you with love and respect into your heart. It took me about two years to get over my ex-husband. For a year or so you might feel bad, but it's very important for you to not communicate with him whatsoever. Don't even answer his emails. If he calls, don't pick up the phone. If you have to talk to him, make it short and official. And don't you dare to think that he will ever change. He never will. Trust me! Move on. Keep dating other people. Do you expect to meet Mr. Right right away? C'mon, you should know better than that. It might take years, but he will eventually show up. Why be stuck with an ass when you can give yourself a chance to meet someone who will treat you right and make you happy? When you meet him, you will feel so stupid that you wanted to be with your ex again. You will suddenly discover how awful he was in so many aspects. And you will say to yourself "Breaking up with that ass was the second best thing that ever happened to me!"
Donut Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 I was in a physical and verbal abusive relationship and kept taking him back. You get used to the emotional and physical pain, they wear you down so much that you think you must deserve it. You start believing all the nasty mind games they play on you. In the end, after a really frightening confrontation where I almost died, it gave me that final kick up the arse to end the relationship for good. He cried, begged and pleaded, it was so pathetic! I hated him in the end, and I don't take the word hate lightly! Luckily my friends took me back into the fold and really helped me when I needed it. Since then I've met other guys who are totally different and treat me with alot of love and respect. It showed me that there are plenty of worthwhile people out there, and not to take any more crap from guys who are no good. You will get better, I'd strongly recommend getting some counselling so you can pour it all out. Get out with your friends, start enjoying yourself, there's a whole world out there with people who will treat you with kindness, but you have to let them in.
Groovy Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 Every gal has had a bad relationship somewhere sometime where we make the wrong choices. The reason you miss him so much is because he is a master manipulator. These kinds of men walk all over you and make you feel like you should be with them. It may not be done consciously but they break trust and self esteem slowly over time. When they are gone you are left feeling more confused because your spirit has been kicked around to the point it doesn't know what to do with itself or what has happened. Please go to counseling so you can thank the Lord that you two are not together! He sounds like he's done a number on your emotions if you miss him at all despite what he's done. I think if you can pick yourself up and dust yourself off, get out there and find what you deserve you'll be dancing with joy looking back at this time.
Author M&M Posted April 8, 2005 Author Posted April 8, 2005 Hi all, Thank you so much for your replies. You really, absolutely hit the nail on the head. He did wear me down and I DID start believing everything he said about me. He made me absolutely hate myself and think I was unworthy of just about anything and that my accomplishments were actually handed to me on a silver plate etc. I know you're absolutely right and I am already celebrating the fact that I'm away from him and haven't responded though he has tried to contact me several times recently (claiming it was an emergency and urgent etc). I feel so much better. Thanks again for your support and kind words. Hearing people encourage you that you're doing the right thing is REALLY helpful when those moments of self-doubt creep in. xx
Groovy Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 I'm glad your doing better. Record Producer is right, he won't change so keep away. Your on the right path
Recommended Posts