doeblin Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I've never posted a thread on Loveshack, but this situation is strange. At the end of the summer our group of guys started to mingle with a group of girls, and we were hanging out together every other week since. There's a girl in this group (Isabelle) I didn't talk to much, but she was kind of nice to me in the first month. She asked me do I enjoy myself in their company, she invited me to an event, she showed an old photo of herself, she even made one of her friends tell a "cool" story about her. Looking back, the signs were obvious, but I was going through a breakup, which may have clouded my perception. I rarely talked with Isabelle. With the other girls in the group I got along swell. Around November the tide started to shift. She started insulting me out of nowhere. She insulted my movember mustache, and was generally preoccupied with my appearance. My mustache was soo glorious strangers literally came over to take photos with me. When she saw that her ludicrous insult didn't even faze me, she got embarassed and said "Yeah who am I to question it, huh?" Around Christmas she said she "didn't like me at all, but it's Christmas time, so merry christmas!" while grabbing and holding my hand. Who does this? At the New Year's Eve party I had a good time. I just had to stand in one place and girls would approach me. Isabelle was busy ignoring me, but when I passed her by she said "I hate you!". I shrugged it off. Then later that evening again "I hate you". (I ended up having sex that night with a girl she doesn't know. We were careful, and it was a big house, but gossip travels fast, so who knows.) Anyway, at this point I started to think that this whole "I hate you" shtick is only a ruse to get my attention. It worked. I texted her to ask her out for a coffee. She ignored it. So I asked out her friend Mathilde instead. (Mathilde complied, but on the date she turned out to be a whinge, so I definitely not gonna ask her out again.) This was two weeks ago. This Friday when I walked in to the bar, Isabelle greeted me and said "Mathilde is waiting for youuu" in a mocking way. I shrugged "whatever". Then said she hates me. Now last night, Isabelle was getting over-the-top with this. I told my friends this story, and they started teasing Isabelle. She said she hates me, she hates me, she absolutely abhors me. She even touched my shoulder and said "I just hate you". Who touches the person they despise? She said "I hate you, but I hope you don't kill yourself" I was amused and I was teasing her, but this was getting out of hand. The whole thing started to become a great amusement to my friends. One of my buddies said there must be some sexual tension in there. She flipped "Ewwww, maybe some girls like him, I definitely don't" the reaction was really exaggerated. (I'm quite popular with the ladies.) She said she hates me like 50 times in 2 hours. At one time she was asking where her friend was, and I touched her shoulder and pointed out her friend... then after a few seconds she jumped up and shouted "don't touch me!" While in fact she touched me the same way 40 minutes before! Strangers looked at us. My friends laughed. It was amusing and annoying at the same time. The whole thing is weird. I've heard love and hate travels the same neural pathways. Did she have a crush on me, and got annoyed I didn't act? What the hell is up with her? This all sounds like kindergarten. We are in our twenties. What's your take?
todreaminblue Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I've never posted a thread on Loveshack, but this situation is strange. At the end of the summer our group of guys started to mingle with a group of girls, and we were hanging out together every other week since. There's a girl in this group (Isabelle) I didn't talk to much, but she was kind of nice to me in the first month. She asked me do I enjoy myself in their company, she invited me to an event, she showed an old photo of herself, she even made one of her friends tell a "cool" story about her. Looking back, the signs were obvious, but I was going through a breakup, which may have clouded my perception. I rarely talked with Isabelle. With the other girls in the group I got along swell. Around November the tide started to shift. She started insulting me out of nowhere. She insulted my movember mustache, and was generally preoccupied with my appearance. My mustache was soo glorious strangers literally came over to take photos with me. When she saw that her ludicrous insult didn't even faze me, she got embarassed and said "Yeah who am I to question it, huh?" Around Christmas she said she "didn't like me at all, but it's Christmas time, so merry christmas!" while grabbing and holding my hand. Who does this? At the New Year's Eve party I had a good time. I just had to stand in one place and girls would approach me. Isabelle was busy ignoring me, but when I passed her by she said "I hate you!". I shrugged it off. Then later that evening again "I hate you". (I ended up having sex that night with a girl she doesn't know. We were careful, and it was a big house, but gossip travels fast, so who knows.) Anyway, at this point I started to think that this whole "I hate you" shtick is only a ruse to get my attention. It worked. I texted her to ask her out for a coffee. She ignored it. So I asked out her friend Mathilde instead. (Mathilde complied, but on the date she turned out to be a whinge, so I definitely not gonna ask her out again.) This was two weeks ago. This Friday when I walked in to the bar, Isabelle greeted me and said "Mathilde is waiting for youuu" in a mocking way. I shrugged "whatever". Then said she hates me. Now last night, Isabelle was getting over-the-top with this. I told my friends this story, and they started teasing Isabelle. She said she hates me, she hates me, she absolutely abhors me. She even touched my shoulder and said "I just hate you". Who touches the person they despise? She said "I hate you, but I hope you don't kill yourself" I was amused and I was teasing her, but this was getting out of hand. The whole thing started to become a great amusement to my friends. One of my buddies said there must be some sexual tension in there. She flipped "Ewwww, maybe some girls like him, I definitely don't" the reaction was really exaggerated. (I'm quite popular with the ladies.) She said she hates me like 50 times in 2 hours. At one time she was asking where her friend was, and I touched her shoulder and pointed out her friend... then after a few seconds she jumped up and shouted "don't touch me!" While in fact she touched me the same way 40 minutes before! Strangers looked at us. My friends laughed. It was amusing and annoying at the same time. The whole thing is weird. I've heard love and hate travels the same neural pathways. Did she have a crush on me, and got annoyed I didn't act? What the hell is up with her? This all sounds like kindergarten. We are in our twenties. What's your take? she is acting immature as are you...girls go around kicking boys in the kneecaps when they like them....and boys go around teasing girls that they like...boy meets girl situation is what you have........deb
Author doeblin Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) she is acting immature as are you...girls go around kicking boys in the kneecaps when they like them....and boys go around teasing girls that they like...boy meets girl situation is what you have........deb I know this is immature. I am too old for this. That's why I asked her out in a straightforward way. The teasing came after she ignored it. So the whole point of the thread was I don't know how I got into this middle school-type situation in my mid-twenties. I did nothing. And I'm thinking how to handle this. We're certainly gonna meet them again. Edited January 18, 2015 by doeblin 1
Van AZN Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 From my many experiences from anime watching. This is a clear case of "Tsundere" Tsundere - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia My bet is she likes you but doesn't really know how to show it. My other theory is that she's embarrassed that she likes you and wants to try and stop but really does like being around you so it turns into frustration which gets pointed back at you with the "I hate you". Good Luck! lol 1
Danda Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 What would the ideal outcome be to you, OP? As far as how Isabelle and yourself interact (or don't) going forward? 1
todreaminblue Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I know this is immature. I am too old for this. That's why I asked her out in a straightforward way. The teasing came after she ignored it. So the whole point of the thread was I don't know how I got into this middle school-type situation in my mid-twenties. I did nothing. And I'm thinking how to handle this. We're certainly gonna meet them again. sorry doeblin i was a little judgemental on you and abriupt and now i see what you were trying to ask..... the tsunder thing another poster posted about is an interesting read......i hadnt heard of that term before and it seems to fit your situation..even down to the weak strong role reversal.....if you go by what that article says time is the only key to some sort of resolution when she tires of hiding out in hating you sort of thing.....do you actually still like her......and would you find dating her to be a positive outcome for you?..it must be tiresome..deb
umirano Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 This is so surreal. I can't a situation like this ever happening in my life... Why don't you ask her straight up what her deal is? The childish back and forth (touching, telling you she hates you) is fueled by your obtuseness as much as by her mixed up behavior. Seriously, have you guys ever heard of straight talk? How can someone just walk away when someone tells them "I hate you". First question: Why? If she then does something irrational (walking away, giving a meaningless answer, etc) you can always cut her out of your life.
todreaminblue Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 This is so surreal. I can't a situation like this ever happening in my life... Why don't you ask her straight up what her deal is? The childish back and forth (touching, telling you she hates you) is fueled by your obtuseness as much as by her mixed up behavior. Seriously, have you guys ever heard of straight talk? How can someone just walk away when someone tells them "I hate you". First question: Why? If she then does something irrational (walking away, giving a meaningless answer, etc) you can always cut her out of your life. he did ask her out umi so he tried to be straight up about the fact eh likes her....and then the muddle up happened i think..it is strange...unusual..deb
Author doeblin Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 What would the ideal outcome be to you, OP? As far as how Isabelle and yourself interact (or don't) going forward? I was attracted to her before. I actually ignored her because I didn't want her to be my rebound after the breakup. And one thing I didn't like is she is really touchy-feely with other guys. She is popular. And I enjoy the company of their group of girls. But this is getting crazy. Sometimes there's not even a trigger. Like I was just standing next to her (some 8 of us hanging around the bar), and she flips "Why are you standing here doeblin, you know I hate you!" I barely know her! I didn't do nothing, my presence was enough to "annoy" her. It was kind of hilarious. But if this goes on it's going to get really obnoxious. I guess I have a weird effect on some girls. Seriously, have you guys ever heard of straight talk? How can someone just walk away when someone tells them "I hate you". This is exactly what I did. The first time she said it out of nowhere, I asked her: "What's your problem? We barely know each other!" Then she went quiet. So I went about having fun with other people in the pub.
umirano Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 he did ask her out umi so he tried to be straight up about the fact eh likes her....and then the muddle up happened i think..it is strange...unusual..deb Maybe, but in any case he didn't tell us that he got a straight answer, and I think he didn't demand one. If you treat people with indifference and noncommittal, they'll treat you the same.
umirano Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 This is exactly what I did. The first time she said it out of nowhere, I asked her: "What's your problem? We barely know each other!" Then she went quiet. So I went about having fun with other people in the pub. Ok I must have missed that in the OP. She's either mentally ill or thinks these tactics will get her somewhere (which isn't that much better). Are you sure you're not giving her the wrong impression somehow? If she really couldn't stand you she wouldn't be around so much.
kendahke Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I've never posted a thread on Loveshack, but this situation is strange. At the end of the summer our group of guys started to mingle with a group of girls, and we were hanging out together every other week since. There's a girl in this group (Isabelle) I didn't talk to much, but she was kind of nice to me in the first month. She asked me do I enjoy myself in their company, she invited me to an event, she showed an old photo of herself, she even made one of her friends tell a "cool" story about her. Looking back, the signs were obvious, but I was going through a breakup, which may have clouded my perception. I rarely talked with Isabelle. With the other girls in the group I got along swell. Around November the tide started to shift. She started insulting me out of nowhere. She insulted my movember mustache, and was generally preoccupied with my appearance. My mustache was soo glorious strangers literally came over to take photos with me. When she saw that her ludicrous insult didn't even faze me, she got embarassed and said "Yeah who am I to question it, huh?" Around Christmas she said she "didn't like me at all, but it's Christmas time, so merry christmas!" while grabbing and holding my hand. Who does this? At the New Year's Eve party I had a good time. I just had to stand in one place and girls would approach me. Isabelle was busy ignoring me, but when I passed her by she said "I hate you!". I shrugged it off. Then later that evening again "I hate you". (I ended up having sex that night with a girl she doesn't know. We were careful, and it was a big house, but gossip travels fast, so who knows.) Anyway, at this point I started to think that this whole "I hate you" shtick is only a ruse to get my attention. It worked. I texted her to ask her out for a coffee. She ignored it. So I asked out her friend Mathilde instead. (Mathilde complied, but on the date she turned out to be a whinge, so I definitely not gonna ask her out again.) This was two weeks ago. This Friday when I walked in to the bar, Isabelle greeted me and said "Mathilde is waiting for youuu" in a mocking way. I shrugged "whatever". Then said she hates me. Now last night, Isabelle was getting over-the-top with this. I told my friends this story, and they started teasing Isabelle. She said she hates me, she hates me, she absolutely abhors me. She even touched my shoulder and said "I just hate you". Who touches the person they despise? She said "I hate you, but I hope you don't kill yourself" I was amused and I was teasing her, but this was getting out of hand. The whole thing started to become a great amusement to my friends. One of my buddies said there must be some sexual tension in there. She flipped "Ewwww, maybe some girls like him, I definitely don't" the reaction was really exaggerated. (I'm quite popular with the ladies.) She said she hates me like 50 times in 2 hours. At one time she was asking where her friend was, and I touched her shoulder and pointed out her friend... then after a few seconds she jumped up and shouted "don't touch me!" While in fact she touched me the same way 40 minutes before! Strangers looked at us. My friends laughed. It was amusing and annoying at the same time. The whole thing is weird. I've heard love and hate travels the same neural pathways. Did she have a crush on me, and got annoyed I didn't act? What the hell is up with her? This all sounds like kindergarten. We are in our twenties. What's your take? I was going to say that when she touched you, you should have said very loudly "Don't touch me... I don't know you". You have to get over your fear of embarrassing someone who is embarrassing you. If she says "I hate you" one more time tell her "I heard you the first time and the 3 thousand other times you said it in the last 2 days. Stop speaking to me'. Hate is angry love. The opposite of love is indifference, which you need to be practicing a bit better here. I wouldn't be bothered with someone so unbalanced. Learn to ignore her and get up and leave the table when she comes over. She's got problems and she likes to make a fool out of herself in front of your friends.
GemmaUK Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 She definitely sounds weird! I've been known to throw out a 'I hate you' with a grin on my face when someone is teasing me and get the better of me but it's all in jest. If someone were doing this to me as consistently as she is to you I certainly wouldn't want to date them as it shows huge immaturity. I don't know if you react in any way but I would quit with any kind of reaction aside from silence - make it an awkward silence. The less reaction she gets out of you the sooner she is likely to get bored and give up doing it. Failing that she is just going to make herself look more ridiculous to everyone in the friends group.
DivorcedDad123 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 You're completely missing out on the grudge sex you could be having with her. She's building up the love/hate thing and its working on you. Enough that you posted about it. Sexual tension building until finally one day you'll just take her and have sex. And it will be great. Trust me. 4
SycamoreCircle Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) OP, I can't help but feel you're not genuinely seeking advice but more affirmation that you are indeed a Pu**y Magnet. Well, let me assure you---you are a Pu**y Magnet. Now, let me enlighten you to something else: you're a little boy. You're also a green and tender Narcissist. Nothing decrees that you be a real man, find one woman and have a sincere relationship. But I have met 45-year-old Spring Heeled Jims and they're still little boys, albeit very lonely little boys. So, I would just hope and encourage that in the next 20 years you start to consider more meaningful relationships. Edited January 18, 2015 by SycamoreCircle
Author doeblin Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 indifference, which you need to be practicing a bit better here. Being nonchalant is my default. In a weird way I think my aloof manner caused this. I didn't really care about her, until the past two or three weeks. it shows huge immaturity. Definitely not girlfriend material. You're completely missing out on the grudge sex you could be having with her. She's building up the love/hate thing and its working on you. Enough that you posted about it. Sexual tension building until finally one day you'll just take her and have sex. And it will be great. Trust me. I can't help but feel you're not genuinely seeking advice Well, but you gotta admit this is a strange situation. You're also a green and tender Narcissist. Fair enough. My narcissism knows no bounds since my breakup a few months ago. Probably that's why this hate thing is working on me. She instinctually knew this or something. Hah! start to consider more meaningful relationships. I was actually coming out of a serious LTR when I met the girl the thread is about. I'm at the "fooling around with different girls after the breakup" stage.
SycamoreCircle Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Then perhaps I made an unfair judgment of you. I suspect that if you were to engage this girl sincerely and she were to let her defenses down, some of the appeal would disappear for you.
EgoJoe Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 You're completely missing out on the grudge sex you could be having with her. She's building up the love/hate thing and its working on you. Enough that you posted about it. Sexual tension building until finally one day you'll just take her and have sex. And it will be great. Trust me. I agree with this.
kendahke Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 You're completely missing out on the grudge sex you could be having with her. She's building up the love/hate thing and its working on you. Enough that you posted about it. Sexual tension building until finally one day you'll just take her and have sex. And it will be great. Trust me. Christ, if it takes this to constitute foreplay, what will it take once they both admit they like each other? Baseball bats, bazookas and nuclear missiles?
Author doeblin Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 Our social circles overlap, so I'm going to run into her. And I don't want to avoid her. While I was trying to make a coherent story out of this, I realized there is a pattern of escalation (first insulting my appearance, then my person and so on). Being aloof only made her magnify her "hatred". I guess nonchalance with some cheeky teasing here and there will make this pressure cooker blow up. Hilarity ensues. Or romance. I feel like I'm in a less eloquent Shakespearean comedy. I'm actually going away on a work trip for a while, I guess we'll see.
preraph Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 She likes you but she's sick of you screwing around with all her friends. You've d*cked around to the point she's disgusted with you. She put her neck out there and you insulted her by ignoring her advances and then proceeded to start screwing all her friends. This is a girl who isn't used to being second choice and doesn't want to get used to it. She has some game, and she's batting you around like a cat with a mouse hoping you'll engage with her. I don't know how you save this at this point. Cutting off the mustache would be a start. Women comment on mustaches mainly because it gives them an excuse to talk to you, but that doesn't mean most of them wouldn't think you looked more dignified without one! If I was faced with this dilemma, I'd think of some way to make her drop the "I hate you" thing and get real. One possible way to do this is to think of some way you can "need" her to help you. Ask her for a ride to put your car in the shop or something like that just to see if she'll respond to need. Because right now, with her ignoring your text, she's planning on getting even with you before anything moves forward. But sometimes need can circumvent things a bit and make a person feel magnanimous. I understand this girl's program. She isn't so desperate that she's afraid to let a guy know she's pissed, and she has a great sense of humor. 1
Author doeblin Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 She likes you but she's sick of you screwing around with all her friends. You've d*cked around to the point she's disgusted with you. Hey, I was actually careful not screwing her friends. I went on a date with Mathilde because she had shown her interest in a more normal way. But I found her personality lacking (general negativity & no passions to speak of), so in the end I didn't even kiss her. I don't think Isabelle actually had seen me making out with a girl. Maybe one time. Might have heard stories, but so what? There's a third girl in the group (Emma) I've talked to the most, in fact I like Emma the most, but she has a boyfriend. C'est la vie. With Emma sometimes I've talked for an hour, with Isabelle 2 minutes tops. The few times we did try to talk it was awkward and going nowhere. Like we don't know how to engage each other. With other people it's flowing, for both of us. I'm 5 years older than her and the guys she usually sees. I didn't do anything to warrant her hatred. As far as I can tell, Isabelle is only this unpleasant with me... with everyone else she's the Cool Girl. The very first time I've seen her, there was a guy rubbing her neck. C'mon. I cannot think of any favor to ask from her... and I'm not a guy who asks favors. Besides it would be weird to reach out to her. We barely know each other! The mustache has been gone for 7 weeks now. It was a temporary thing, fun while it lasted! The most effective ice-breaker, haha!
preraph Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 How would she know you weren't actually screwing around with the other girls, though? Either way, she could tell you were pursuing them. I am quite sure she doesn't hate you and is just baiting you. Of that you can be certain. But if you feel you have no rapport, then that's the end of it anyway.
Ebelskiver Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 If she is being this psycho and you've barely spoken can youimagine how nuclear she'll go if you sleep together?!? There is no situation in which hooking up with her would be worth the psycho you'll have to put up with later. And I agree, the sex would likely be awesome. Hate sex usually is. But she isn't stable. You wouldn't pay her enough attention and then the whole thing would go nuts. Just avoid her like the plague. Maybe pull her aside and say, "Look, I realize you apparently hate me, alothough we don't know each other at all, so how you came to that conclusion is a mystery. Honestly, I don't care. Hate me all you want. But.....you're making yourself look like a fool and you're making our mutual friends uncomfortable. So if we could just silently avoid each other or pretend to be nice for everyone else's sake. That would be really great."
Author doeblin Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 So there are two possibilities: either she is genuinely psycho or it's a ploy. Neither have the makings of a healthy LTR. I have to say I do appreciate the strangeness of the situation. She's not boring. At least not yet. My goal is to extract the maximum amount of fun with the least amount of batsh*t craziness out of this.
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