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Is it fair to know about a woman's sexual past if she brings it up about yours?

NJ123

By NJ123
in General Relationship Discussion

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

Posted
Posted

If she asks you about your own past, is it okay to know about hers. Since it seems women usually say "it's none of your business". Than why would it be their business to know about yours? Since it seems a lot of women want to know about a guys past though.

Danda Established Member

Danda

Posted
Posted

Yes it is fair. The Goose/Gander thing goes both ways.

 

However if you're wondering why there seems to be an unspoken double-standard about it, it's because there is parallel double-standard running alongside it.

 

Generally men can 'get away' with a higher number of sex partners without being judged for it, than women can.

 

And as we all (at least should) know about humans, if an aspect of one's life gets shamed automatically or is at significantly high risk of getting shamed or causing conflict, then it becomes "none of your business".

 

Take voting as a different sort of example. You're more likely to get awkwardly rebuffed asking a coworker who they're voting for than asking a coworker who they think is sexy. While sexuality would seem like a far more personal thing than politics, the factor at play is that they run a much higher risk of getting into a condescending tiff war over their political views, than they do about discussing which celebrity they think has the hottest looks.

 

Shame is an exceptionally powerful negative emotion, so its effects can be profound.

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littleblackheart Established Member

littleblackheart

Posted
Posted
If she asks you about your own past, is it okay to know about hers. Since it seems women usually say "it's none of your business". Than why would it be their business to know about yours? Since it seems a lot of women want to know about a guys past though.

 

I've personally never felt the need to ask the question, mainly because the answer doesn't affect me at all, but I'm happy if the information is disclosed voluntarily for any particular reason.

 

 

I also freely volunteer the information once in a trusted relationship, in the interest of open-ness.

 

 

I can't think why you'd want to ask the question point blank, though.

  • Like 1
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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Posted

If she asks you about your past it is only fair she live by her own standards.

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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I'm sorry, but I'm not one of those women that sit down, stare you in the eyes and say "tell me all your history"...

 

It also annoys me that women are always wanting to "know" everything. They believe guys have to share "everything" with them - as if this was some soap opera.

 

Shoot, even when a guy is quite, they ask "What are you thinking?" when he's probably thinking "nothing"...he's just watching what's on TV.

 

I don't go on some digging expedition about a guy's past and I don't expect him to ask the same of me.

 

I just feel that if I "bare all" that people might not understand me and IMO, it's useless info. If I were to marry you and/or have your kids - I'd probably see where you'd need to know how I was raised and stuff - but at the same time, our past is our past - what counts is how we live our lives now and plan to for the future.

Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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Of course that is fair, but I personally wouldn't care.

dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

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I think it is more important to openly share ones beliefs about sex, rather than I guess numbers or details. I often think when people want to know your sexual past - that's most often why - they want to know how you think, feel, and believe about sex. How many, and what you did is a way to simply link your beliefs, but thats not always the case about past sexual practices.But I suppose it can be also a question of self esteem, insecurity, fidelity, or even vicarious reasons.

 

But yes - if two people are serious (i mean headed to true exclusive LTR or possible marriage) they should know each other well. I also think some nitty gritty details of past sex life should be carefully restrained especially when it comes to comparison issues.

  • Like 1
Friskyone4u Established Member

Friskyone4u

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First of all, when someone digs and asks for those questions there is no guarantee you will get the totel truth. If your girlfriend demands to know then she should expect to divulge her history as well

The problem is that can then off all sorts of feelings of insecurity if you do not like or are uncomfortable with what you hear?

The important thing between two people is honest communication wit each other on your needs, not what you did with X or Y years ago before you met. Most people are NOT going to have matching or equal sexual histories. One will have been more active than the other.

Your girlfriend has no business asking you for any information that she refuses to reveal herself.

runredlights Established Member

runredlights

Posted
Posted

It is important to some and not important to others.

 

If you're getting deeper into talking/ dating a person you need to learn many other important facets about them (sexual history included) IMO so you can make an informed decision if the two of you would be compatible.

 

Everyone is different so we can all choose to indiscriminately discriminate whatever traits we so desire in a partner. If someone were to reply to me if it came up with an immediate knee jerk " it's none of your business" type reaction I would have to wonder what they have to hide. The PC answer is just that, that it isn't your business and doesn't matter, but to me it definitely matters. It matters just as much as height, weight, salary, cup size, dick size, looks, charm, social status, personality, if they're on drugs or not, and whatever else it may be that is important to the individual.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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No. Men judge women too much for women to give that info out. As you know, men aren't judged much about it. She just wants to make sure you're not going to infect her.

Phoe Established Member

Phoe

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I never ask because I see no need to, but I don't mind answering if I'm asked. I've got nothing worth hiding. My history is pretty limited and boring, haha.

Satu Established Member

Satu

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I'm a firm believer in letting the past be in the past.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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No. Men judge women too much for women to give that info out. As you know, men aren't judged much about it. She just wants to make sure you're not going to infect her.

 

wtf. So you think a woman can't infect a guy? That's a ridiculous statement to make. Of course it's true a women's sexual history is looked down upon more than a man's, but if she brings the topic up I still think it should be fair to know her history.

autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

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It could be an interesting study. Especially when the guy who's been with 20 girls dumps the girl for being a "slut" because she fessed up that she's been with 5 guys......

 

Just sayin

No Limit Established Member

No Limit

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You might not want to hear it though. Beware.

Eddy Street Established Member

Eddy Street

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wel yah cus when i hav sex w/ her im rlly havn sex with evry guy shes had sex with in teh past

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted
If she asks you about your own past, is it okay to know about hers. Since it seems women usually say "it's none of your business". Than why would it be their business to know about yours? Since it seems a lot of women want to know about a guys past though.

 

If I'm going to be in a relationship with a man I do care about his past, as it does show me a lot about who he is and how he has grown (or not). I at least like to know how/why things ended with the last person and how he explains that will tell a lot about him. That said, me asking about a man's past is for those reasons and not me asking for numbers of people he's slept with, which doesn't tell me anything substantive.

 

I don't mind sharing my past with a man. In terms of discussing what I'm looking for in a relationship the past influences that so comes up organically in discussions, we all have a past that shapes who we are, none of us are brand new each day so to act like it doesn't matter is silly IMO, however that's again different than a man asking me how many men I've slept with or stuff like that which isn't substantive.

E-Squared Established Member

E-Squared

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What if someone doesn't really have much of a sexual past to speak of? I am going to be honest here, but I strongly dislike being asked if I am a virgin.

autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

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What if someone doesn't really have much of a sexual past to speak of? I am going to be honest here, but I strongly dislike being asked if I am a virgin.

 

Honestly, I find this to be a rude question, especially at the beginning of dating.

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