littleblackheart Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 How can so many people be so naive? Those who claim to never lie are lying to themselves... delusional. If there were a person who never told a lie they would be viewed as a social freak for not caring what anyone else thinks about them, or how anyone else feels. Everybody lies. It's just a matter of how often and for what reasons. There are self-serving lies and other-oriented lies. Perhaps people who claim to never lie feel justified in not counting lies that they consider justifiable? Here's the research. Fair warning... those who never lie won't like it. Being honest isn't the same thing as never lying, though... You can lie about liking this fruitcake when in fact you think it's inedible, you can lie about being there in 5 minutes when you know for a fact you'll be at least an hour late, you can lie about not liking Taylor Swift when it's your guilty pleasure - that doesn't make you dishonest, these things are completely inconsequential. You start being dishonest when you start lying about things when there are real, concrete consequences for you or for someone else, in any relationship that matters.
Ethan78 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 I don't give a fig if other women find a guy attractive. If I find him attractive that's all that matters. In fact, a whole boatload of women finding Bob attractive makes Bob less attractive to me. If Bob is that universally appealing I have to wonder how honest he is, lol. Fair enough for you, but I think the point still stands. Letting women know you are single as a guy socially seems to have an adverse effect with some women. It helps them build a picture of the guy as unattractive. I have been asked this a few times and my experience was similar to the guy who posted earlier. Telling the truth did not seem to help.
Haydn Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 But is it opinion/personal preference? Or is it immutable fact? I can think my teen's outfit looks like ......... She can still like it and feel good about it. If she asks me if I like it, a statement like, "it's not my preference but all that matters is that you like it" is perfectly honest. She's got this thing about women wearing jeans with sneakers, and will tell me (quite honestly) that I look ridiculous (to her) when I wear that. She's wrong! True. Our girls look great in everything. As parents we have no clue. My eldest often berates my fashion sense. (How wrong she is) I am waiting for that time when my clothes are suddenly retro for her.
salparadise Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 You start being dishonest when you start lying about things when there are real, concrete consequences for you or for someone else, in any relationship that matters. I agree with this. And I also agree with the person who said that you don't need to verbalize every thought that passes through your head. Being fundamentally honest in a relationship doesn't require that you never tell certain kinds of lies, or that you disclose everything you think. People who care about each other often protect the other from harsh truths. I think it would be hard for a relationship to thrive any other way. I've known people who seem to take some kind of pride or pleasure in highlighting uncomfortable facts and I don't like it at all. 1
MJJean Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Fair enough for you, but I think the point still stands. Letting women know you are single as a guy socially seems to have an adverse effect with some women. It helps them build a picture of the guy as unattractive. I have been asked this a few times and my experience was similar to the guy who posted earlier. Telling the truth did not seem to help. In that situation the guy made a lucky escape. If a woman doesn't find a man attractive without thinking other women are after him then how is she going to feel about him in X years when they've been together since forever and there's more belly and less hair? If a woman doesn't find a man attractive because he is who he is than she's not the right match.
WonderKid Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 If you aren't honest with yourself then you're lying to everyone else.
Darren2013 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Telling a lie out of politeness is more moral than telling the truth while being rude. Social etiquette teaches us to never tell someone you don't like their cooking even if they ask.
Ethan78 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 In that situation the guy made a lucky escape. If a woman doesn't find a man attractive without thinking other women are after him then how is she going to feel about him in X years when they've been together since forever and there's more belly and less hair? If a woman doesn't find a man attractive because he is who he is than she's not the right match. But not everyone is looking for a life partner. The times women asked me about being single I was about 20, and it happened in my early 30s as well. These were young women who were simply trying to see who I was socially. Nothing to do with staying with a guy until he is old.
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