guest569 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I think its one of the rudest things a person could ask! Its similar to "how much did you pay for your house?" "How much was your car and rego?" So, so rude. I've had colleagues i dont know very well ask me this, it makes me angry. And certainly would make me mad if someone i was newly dating asked things along these lines. My ex and i probably knew roughly about 6 months in, as we were going for jobs and promotions at the time. But i would definitely be suspicious of peopple asking this early on.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) They don't need to ask how much money you make, they just ask you what you do for a living and what city you live in, then they can make a determination by what kind of car you drive and how you dress, eventually they'll check out your apartment or where you live...and if you've got your own house then green light. A lot of guys here work really hard for that "golden trio" of house, car and job/income. Just to future fake with women and open up their options as many women are more keen to ignore other flags if the guy looks like a solid package on the exterior...even though the guy is not really interested in committing, it's just for a good sale, and it works. Unfortunately, a lot of these guys are actually drowning in debt and will either have major financial issues down the road if they don't already...but some just have a good thing going...until they get married that is. That's Los Angeles style anyway. I remember a girl making fun of a guy on Okcupid because he lived in "Van nuys" which is basically a low-income area in the greater Los Angeles area...she was basically mocking and laughing at him because she'd never date a guy who lived there because she assumed he was poor. If any girl asks you straight out how much money you've got, she's pretty much got no class or tact and that's reason enough alone to pass up on her...but it's never happened to me, but there's really no need either, what you do for a living is usually enough for them. But to be honest, they mostly all care or at least curious...it's no secret that many women care about those kinds of things, but not all of them make them outright priorities. And it also depends on what they're looking for, and they might not necessarily stop dating you, they just might keep their options open to someone has a lot more money or is a better package. If you've ever got some decent money, you just got to downplay it on the other hand. Women can be all nice and sweet on the outside, but they'll gut you like a fish if you let certain ones. But some guys don't even care, hell they offer it with open arms just to attract women...and half the idiots don't even get laid out of it in the end. Edited January 18, 2015 by Ninjainpajamas 3
anne1707 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I never ask anyone how much money they make and they've never asked me. Except when I was engaged and we had to disclose finances to Immigration. It's nobody's business unless you are planning to live together and split expenses or get married. But based on this post: Perfect example of why I stopped dating men who made less money. I couldn't deal with their insecurity. Never had a problem since. then you must surely ask men how much they earn to check that it is more than you. My view? No need to ask unless you are making some kind of financial commitment together such as buying a house. As it is, generally you will probably have a good idea of the salary just by what somebody does for a living although of courses that does not necessarily mean that they have not got a load of debts behind the scene. 1
Danda Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Frankly it'd just seem plain weird if someone actually asked for a straight-up number. Like is it a date, or an incognito IRS agent? **** lol. 3
WonderKid Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 The Laundry List is what I call it. Soon as they start asking about my personal living I tune them out and shut them down. I make enough money to support one person, myself. Not kids. Not a woman. Sure a few gifts and dates here and there but when it's all said and done I pay my own bills. That's all you need to know. If you don't like it, find a guy with more money so he can "buy" you like he buys the other girls he got.
Woggle Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I know this is a bit off topic but Ninja brought it up. If somebody considers Van Nuys to be a bad area I don't know what to tell them. People here in California have a strange view of what the ghetto is. Some so called bad areas out here would be upper class suburbs in New Jersey. She should see some of dumps I lived in back in the day and I am glad to have lived in them because they taught me how to deal with struggle and appreciate how good I have it now. 1
GemmaUK Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I have had this question from all three men I dated since I left my LTR and it's one I avoid. As long as I am providing for myself and able to share the cost of dating then my date has no need to know what I earn. I would only share that information if there was an actual need for it. I've also had the question about what I do for a living but telling them what I do isn't enough and I somehow have to prove that my employment is valid. Quite how I was supposed to do that I don't know. It's something I would get asked in mails on OLD before I had even met them, it put me off meeting them though. I dated a guy for a while who saw my job as irrelevant. He drove for a living and saw that as a real job but he didn't consider my job to be real work as I work in an office. I find it bizarre that some folk think that way. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I dated a man for a year before we got engaged. The engagement lasted a year before we got married. We celebrated our one-year anniversary over Thanksgiving as I am starting my fourth year being together. I still don't know how much money he makes - and that is a-okay with me... But your hubby is a Doctor, right? I would say that if you know your husband is successful and a medic,you don't really have any reason to want to know what they earn. You already know from their profession they make a good living. And can deduce from the time you spend together and his ability to pay for dates, what his house is like, that he's financially well-off. It's a bit like you already do know what he makes, without needing the digits. Anyway, I haven't ever asked a guy what he earns because as long as he can support himself, has his own place, and is full-time employed, that's all I'm really looking for at the stage of beginning to date. Later on I'd want to make sure someone I was getting serious with had the potential to bring in half of our expenses as I want a family someday and wouldn't really want to struggle through it with one party earning minimum wage because I know how horrible and difficult living that lifestyle can be. I guess I can envisage scenarios where we're talking about our careers, and I ask the guy out of sheer curiosity what kind of pay his career attracts, more out of interest, kinda like how the other day I asked my tattooist while I was having a piece done whether it was worth going into financially or not, as he has his own shop, and whether most tattooists get paid per hour like shop workers or whether it's per piece of work. If I met a guy with a really interesting career I hadn't come across before I may ask in the course of conversation something like that but I can't really think of a time when I have. I wouldn't really think anything of it if a guy asked me a similar question, for example the job I do currently, some people's response is 'wow, you must be really well paid to put up with that level of danger!' to which I would laugh and say 'I wish... not as much as you think' or whatever, I don't know it's just general conversation. Can't imagine anyone getting butthurt over that. And someone's income doesn't necessarily mean they are financially well-off or stable anyway, it all depends on the amount of debt they have, their lifestyle and whether they live within their means, someone on minimum wage might be sitting on a nest egg from their parents, someone on a good wage could have thousands of debt on a credit card. When I first start dating someone as long as they have their own place (with roommates is fine as long as they're not still leeching off parents) and a full-time job, that's pretty much fine with me. But as a relationship progresses, people would be lying if they said they weren't looking for someone with whom they could have a good lifestyle and if they want kids, raise kids with. Few people want to marry a freeloader. I earn a decent living all by myself from a good job which was hard won thanks to years of education, I never expect a guy to buy me stuff, I always split even on dates and expenses in a relationship and I love to treat my partner to things from my own money, I would find it weird if a guy was into just randomly buying me material goods when it wasn't a birthday, I find little gestures like bringing me a coffee in bed mean more. But if I wind up with someone long-term enough to merge finances and raise kids, I want someone who is on a good enough wage to pull their weight if something happened to my wage, as I would be able to vice versa. Far, far from expecting megabucks, and don't care if it's less than me, I just would rather it be at least a little above minimum wage. Doesn't necessarily matter if it's something they're earning now, it can be something they're likely to earn in the foreseeable future, say if they're studying towards a career change or something. ALL of my boyfriends in the past have been on minimum wage, it makes me laugh when people talk about looking for a man with money, and they're talking about someone making six figures... to me, a 'man with money' is somebody earning £20000 a year or more. And in the UK, £25000 is the 'average' wage. 1
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