HGirl Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 I've been texting this guy for a while. We know people in common, I wouldn't say mutual friends exactly. He was in a sports team with my ex boyfriend. He is also friends with a ONS I had previously. (just for info in case this is relevant). We live in a smallish town, so you tend to bump into the same people. I bumped into him over the summer on a night out. He was keen and chatting me up. I didn't really go for it, because of the above mentioned. I just assumed he was interested in a ONS himself, and since I'm usually not that keen on them, I didn't bother with him. Several months later, we bump into each other again at a bar. This time he gets my number and we start texting. A few days later, I fly home for several weeks for a long christmas break at home. He asks me if I want to meet up for a drink when I get back. We establish we can't do the first weekend, since hes working and I'm busy. But we say we'll do it the following weekend. From what I can guage and from what I've heard, this guy isn't very good with girls (he gets friendzoned a lot, apparently). However he seems sweet and I'm told he's a lovely guy. The weekend we had reserved is approaching when he tells me he is not free Friday night and do I want to meet up on Sat night - he's going out with friends. I'm a bit miffed by this, since I assumed we'd be doing friday night as he's working Sunday. I'm a fairly laid back person, so i'm not too annoyed at this, but he hasn't actually suggested a time/place for us to even meet and it feels like he's pushed our date back to meet up with friends, though no plans were set in stone. Late on Friday night (I'm assuming he's almost drunk at this point), he texts me to tell me there is some obscure family function going on and asks for a rain check. Well, I'm pretty deflated. I'm not emotionally invested in him, but it seems odd that, after hitting on me twice, and texting regularly for a month, for him to cancel last minute?! Is it just nerves on his part at meeting up? Or should I just give up? If the latter, if anyone could help me construct a response text, that'd be much appreciated! I'm so deflated I don't even know what to say.
preraph Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 The best-case scenario here is he's a very disorganized individual to not have his plans sorted before he asked you out. Understandable it being Saturday since you did not agree on Friday and he's hopefully not counting on you spending the night the first night. But the family function on Saturday, well, he should have known that ahead of time. I do think you've been marginalized by him. I'm having trouble imagining any "family function" would take him into the evening hours, but I could be wrong, not knowing his family. Don't try to connect with him. Wait and see if he follows up or not. If he does and asks you out again, ask him before agreeing "Have you checked your schedule to be sure nothing interferes this time?" 4
Author HGirl Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 The best-case scenario here is he's a very disorganized individual to not have his plans sorted before he asked you out. Understandable it being Saturday since you did not agree on Friday and he's hopefully not counting on you spending the night the first night. But the family function on Saturday, well, he should have known that ahead of time. I do think you've been marginalized by him. I'm having trouble imagining any "family function" would take him into the evening hours, but I could be wrong, not knowing his family. Don't try to connect with him. Wait and see if he follows up or not. If he does and asks you out again, ask him before agreeing "Have you checked your schedule to be sure nothing interferes this time?" hmm yeh, it's not very encouraging. He said he wasn't told about it, and it's out of town. I feel I need to reply to the text - it's conversational so he's asked me a few Qs. My plan is to leave it a few days and keep myself busy, then send a response. Basically, I don't want to not respond and look like I'm in a strop. Any suggestions on how I can reply??
Satu Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 I would be totally busy for the rest of my life if I were you. 1
Author HGirl Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 I would be totally busy for the rest of my life if I were you. Why do you say so?
applej4 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) He's flakey. If he was into you he would have MADE the time to meet for drinks or whatever. Texting is not dating, and some mistake it for courting. It's just punching keys on a phone - that's all. Do not text or call him. (You seem into him but I don't think the feeling is mutual) Since you are determined to reply, send a reply and tell him to have a great life, block him and move on. (what is ONS?) Edited January 18, 2015 by applej4 1
Author HGirl Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 He's flakey. If he was into you he would have MADE the time to meet for drinks or whatever. Texting is not dating, and some mistake it for courting. It's just punching keys on a phone - that's all. Do not text or call him. If he texts you send a reply just telling him to Have a great life, block him and move on. (what is ONS?) Yes I know, that's why I kinda wanted to get the first date over with, since it had been dragging on. I get what you're saying with the not texting back... but I want to text him back. Reason being, 1. He text the day before and gave a viable excuse - he didn't fob me off with "something came up". It's not great, but to ignore him outright would be an overreaction. 2. As mentioned, as we live in a small town, I'll likely bump into him again.Not texting back potentially makes it awkward, and at worst uncivil. I want to be gracious about the whole thing, and ignoring him isn't mature or gracious. I'll probably not agree to any further plans, if he even asks, but I definitely will not be ignoring him. 1
Author HGirl Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 Again - what is ONS??? One Night Stand!
Author HGirl Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) You said I should ignore him, and I can see why, in certain situations, that might be best. But as I am currently in this situation, and have a full idea of all correspondence thus far, I explained my reason for wanting to send ONE text to confirm I have received his message. My plan is to therefore send my response in a few days. If he doesn't ask to reschedule, I'll no longer text him. He has given his excuse, I have accepted it and i'll go on living life as normal. Edited January 18, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited response to rude post
Satu Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 People on this can be so bitter/aggressive/unhelpful "When a person has uncomfortable thoughts or feelings, they may project these onto other people, assigning the thoughts or feelings that they need to repress to a convenient alternative target. Projection may also happen to obliterate attributes of other people with which we are uncomfortable. We assume that they are like us, and in doing so we allow ourselves to ignore those attributes they have with which we are uncomfortable. Neurotic projection is perceiving others as operating in ways one unconsciously finds objectionable in yourself. Complementary projection is assuming that others do, think and feel in the same way as you." 1
Scaatys2014 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 If it were me I would text back ONLY because if you don't, he will read that as you are mad, which you want to give the illusion you don't care at all. My text would simply read: Hey, no worries, have a great time. THEN I would delete him. 1
preraph Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 hmm yeh, it's not very encouraging. He said he wasn't told about it, and it's out of town. I feel I need to reply to the text - it's conversational so he's asked me a few Qs. My plan is to leave it a few days and keep myself busy, then send a response. Basically, I don't want to not respond and look like I'm in a strop. Any suggestions on how I can reply?? If he wasn't told about it, then he should have blown them off instead of you. I wouldn't keep texting him back and forth. Just say "Okay" or something like that and that you've got to get busy making last-minutes plans and stir up something to do since his plans fell through. Then be scarce. 1
mortensorchid Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Forget him. If he's so careless and self centered that he would cancel on you the day before, he's just a loser. He has plenty of time to do whatever else he wants instead of seeing you. 2
spiderowl Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Yes, give up on him. He's leaving it late to contact you before the planned date and then calling it off for really not important reasons. If there was a family thing, he would have been likely to know in advance. Seems more likely he had another possible date on the go and took that instead. If he keeps you waiting to hear, don't bother. 1
beach Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 He didn't really ask you OUT on a date. I'd say he isn't dating material. Look for a man to date that makes solid effort to date you by asking you out. 3
Josmatjes Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I would be totally busy for the rest of my life if I were you. Totally agree!! Run away and keep going!
Ebelskiver Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Yeah, blow him off. If/when he runs into you and asks you out again, which I can almost garuantee he will...THEN you say "No, thanks." When he asks why you can tell him how he blew his earlier chance and you don't reward bad behavior. 1
FitChick Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 This is probably why he gets friendzoned. However, to avoid unpleasantness, send a quick response and then ignore him until and unless he asks you out on a specific day for a specific time for a specific mutually enjoyable activity, making sure to specifically ask him if he's checked his social calendar first. 1
Author HGirl Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 If it were me I would text back ONLY because if you don't, he will read that as you are mad, which you want to give the illusion you don't care at all. My text would simply read: Hey, no worries, have a great time. THEN I would delete him. Yeah that's perfect. Thank you everyone for the advice!
Leigh 87 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 He just isn't that into you. A guy that was really into me blew of work when he knew I was visiting his state. He canceled his plans and made time to spend his time with me. 1
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