Glitterisbetter Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 So....... I am a 24 year old woman and the guy I have been dating is 45. We have been dating for 7 months..... But there is one little thing he currently still lives with a woman who he had bought a house with last year. He said they don't kiss or touch and he tells me as soon as he figures out his money he is gone . ( which he says that's what he's currently doing figuring out his money). With both of our crazy schedules I see him maybe once a week. We say I love you to each other and we talk about the future together as in being together. The thing is though that I've been hung up on is I can't call when he's at home this woman has no idea about me and he says he has to keep peace at home. We will go away out of town on adventures such as camping, hiking, ect . He does take me in public and some of his friends am people at work know about me. But at times I feel is he just with me cuz I'm younger or is he just telling me what I want to hear? I have asked him is it gonna be like this forever ? Of if he eer sees it just being him and I and his responses are no it won't and yes it will be . I don't wana waste my time or feelings and end up getting hurt but I really do love this guy . Any suggestions on what's going on?
hoping2heal Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 So...okay. Last year he enters into buying a house with a woman. It has not even yet been a year and not only is he cheating on this woman, he's professing that he is using her until he can get his finances together. So, he can't honor his legal comittments (buying the house). Buying a house is a pretty big decision to make, apparently didn't think that through properly. He also lies to the woman he lives with and has something on with you. And now, you want to date him? This next question is a very serious one: Does his penis vibrate at 5800 RPM? 4
zebracolors Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Going to agree with H2H. IMO he really shouldn't have to hide you from his ex. How much sense does that make? Assume he's telling the truth that he and her have broken up. If they are amicable enough that he can still live there she should have zero problems with him dating another woman. Honestly from your account of things, it sounds like there is some specific reason he hasn't told her about you. I can't speculate about it because we don't know what really goes on at the house between them. Honestly If it were me, and I felt like I was a big secret, and could only call him certain times, I'd let him know I don't like that at all. Love should make you feel happy, cheer you up when you're having a bad day. But it doesn't seem to be doing that for you with him if you're having these doubts. Don't ignore the flags.
HVW_Mark Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Agree with above two. Some bad indicators here. I would bring up your concerns and ask genuinly about them.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 OP, I think you just might be the Other Woman here. 3
Gaeta Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Hon, he does that to you because this type of none sense would NEVER fly with a woman his own age. He needs someone young and naive enough to believe his BS. Not moving out because of money issue is the oldest excuse in the book. People that want to leave, leave. Years ago when I left my ex-husband I had nothing. All I had was my job. I ended up in an apartment with no appliances, no bed, no kitchen table and no car but I was out !! and I slowly rebuilt myself. What this man is doing is milking it as much as he can with this woman. He won't be out this year, or next year, or the year after. Now it's about the house, then it will be about his job, then it will be about saving some money before he moves out, then it will be about 'something something'. Is that the kind of man you want in your life? One that cannot stand on his own, one with no principals, no pride, no will to do things the right way and on his own. One that will take advantage of a situation as much as possible! and this at the detriment of the woman he supposedly loves. Meh! so unimpressive. 4
Adele0908 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 From my own perspective, he's definitely still involved with her. It looks like he is cheating, BUT, he may actually be trying or planning to leave her. The thing is, most men don't leave the comfort of the familiar. They don't want to lose the love of their family. If you really want him then I recommend getting private coaching from somewhere like Jujumama, LLC or some sort of relationship expert. In situations like this, you will have to be more attractive to him then his current partner. Not just physically. Also emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I think it would help you to see other men. And focus on making yourself happy. I know it's not easy to cut ties and stop wanting someone, which is why I suggested the above...because you are more likely to make empowering decisions for yourself if you first feel powerful. So focus first ok your happiness and feeling powerful by making whatever decisions that cause you to feel happy and powerful.
Redhead14 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 So....... I am a 24 year old woman and the guy I have been dating is 45. We have been dating for 7 months..... But there is one little thing he currently still lives with a woman who he had bought a house with last year. He said they don't kiss or touch and he tells me as soon as he figures out his money he is gone . ( which he says that's what he's currently doing figuring out his money). With both of our crazy schedules I see him maybe once a week. We say I love you to each other and we talk about the future together as in being together. The thing is though that I've been hung up on is I can't call when he's at home this woman has no idea about me and he says he has to keep peace at home. We will go away out of town on adventures such as camping, hiking, ect . He does take me in public and some of his friends am people at work know about me. But at times I feel is he just with me cuz I'm younger or is he just telling me what I want to hear? I have asked him is it gonna be like this forever ? Of if he eer sees it just being him and I and his responses are no it won't and yes it will be . I don't wana waste my time or feelings and end up getting hurt but I really do love this guy . Any suggestions on what's going on? If you truly think you like this man and want to see if it will go anywhere, tell him that you will continue to date him as well as other people and take sex off the table until he gets his life in order. If he is serious about you, he will get things straightened out fairly quickly. In the meantime, actually date other people and don't have sex with him anymore. Don't tell him you're taking sex off the table, just don't allow the opportunity. Frankly, if you've only been seeing him once a week for seven months, you don't really know him well enough to really love him or have ability to have a sense of who he really is and develop trust in him. There are many people nowadays who still live with an ex because of money issues/the economy and yet do not have a "relationship" anymore. It's convenience. If you knew him well enough and he was showing you he was truly invested in you, you'd be able to believe him about his situation. Since you don't know for sure, don't invest yourself anymore into the relationship as it stands now. 1
Winterina Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Oh honey... he is just cheating on someone with you, that is all. She has no clue you exist. 4
Author Glitterisbetter Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 Last night the guy that i have been seeing ( the one who is 45) came home from being up North with his buddies. We were able to hang out for a little bit, becuase as some of you have read in my previous post we dont really get to spend alot of time with each other. So last night we went for drinks and then back to his house that he owns. (Not the one he bought with the ex girlfriend) and we had sex and cuddle for a little bit. Then at about 11 he said he had to gome home so he drove me back to my car and we went our seperate ways. As we were having drinks i decided to ask him some serious questions that i have had on my mind latley. Such as do i make you happy? Are you sure you are in love with me? He answered yes to both of the questions. I also asked him if he ever saw it just being "him and i" and he also replied yes. The conversation also came up about my birthday at the end of this month we were suppouse to go up north snowmobiling, but last night he mentioned something about we might not be able to go up north cuz of the snow melting but well find something to do. I guess the problem that i am having is all of his excuses i feel that they are. How do i really know if this guy is into me and serious about me or if i am just wasting my time. Is he only dating me becase im young? So confused right now
preraph Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 You said he took you to his home then got you up because he had to go home. I don't get it. Are you sure there's not a woman at his other home? Obviously you can't go snowmobiling if there's no snow, though.
Author Glitterisbetter Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 he ownes to diffrent homes he still lives at the one house he bought with his ex girlfriend. THe hosue we went to is the house that he had bought when he was 18 its been paid off. He doesnt want to get rid of it though
Author Glitterisbetter Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 This is where it gets so confusing to me and i wonder if he really takes me seriously he has this other house that he ownes. And he bought this house with this other woman last year. He says he has to get his money stright before he can move out and leave her. Cuz he doesnt want to loose all the money that he has put into the new house and he says the ex girlfriends name is on some other items that he has boughten.
Deidre Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 This is where it gets so confusing to me and i wonder if he really takes me seriously he has this other house that he ownes. And he bought this house with this other woman last year. He says he has to get his money stright before he can move out and leave her. Cuz he doesnt want to loose all the money that he has put into the new house and he says the ex girlfriends name is on some other items that he has boughten. Is he living with this other woman?
Author Glitterisbetter Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 yes he is. he said he cant move out till he gets his money straight becaue he dosent want to loose everything he has put into the house but they dont kiss or touch he says. But he says he has to be home at night to keep peace
Author Glitterisbetter Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) So today it seems i cant get this whole situation out of my head. I keep running everything through my mind over and over. I feel like at times i am just the other woman and always will be. weve been together 7 months and we say i love you and talk about stuff in the future. As in some of my other post i have gone into detail about some of the other stuff going on. Such as he still lives with this woman that he bought a house with a year ago. He says they do not kiss or touch but he has to keep peace with her till he can figure everything out cuz he doesnt want to loose everything that he has worked for. But on my end becuase of this whole ordeal i have had to miss out on some things that are important to me such as our first holidays and what not. She has no idea about me. I dont call him when he is at home. In order to really spend time with each other we either go out of town, out for drinks, or go to his other house that he has owned since he was young. THe question i always find myself thinking is. Does he really love me? Is he really being honest with me about stuff that is going on at home. And how does this woman not know that something is up if they do not kiss or touch. Is he telling her that he loves her too? Does he just look at me as an option. Or does he just want me around becuase im alot younger than him and were sleeping together? These are so many questions that i ask myself all time. When i am with him and we spend time together its amazing we connect on so many diffrent levels. Except this huge bump in the realtionship. I have met people in his family. He has not met anyone in mine yet or my friends because of his work schedule it hasnt worked out yet. I have not met any of his friends either but he tells me that he talks to them. I have never been in a realtionship like this before and at times its overwhelming to me. None of my friends know what is going on and that he lives with another woman who he bought the house with except one. Becaue she is in his family. Hes not very well at communicating with me about things and i feel like when i do bring the whole situation to talk to him about it he gets frustrated or doesnt want to talk about it. But then he wonders why i am in off moods sometimes. How do i make this better or is there anyway of making this better? Edited January 18, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
evanescentworld Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 You can make this better by leaving. You know what he tells you about this woman, and you have to take his word for it. What other option do you have? He speaks, and you are given no choice but to listen. She, on the other hand, knows nothing about you? Not even that you exist. Really, ask yourself why on earth that would be, and the answer is simple. He is a relationship with her. You are the optional extra. You need to leave this, and find someone who devotes his time to you, and puts you first. He doesn't now, and never will. 1
elaine567 Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 So today it seems i cant get this whole situation out of my head. ...Hes not very well at communicating with me about things and i feel like when i do bring the whole situation to talk to him about it he gets frustrated or doesnt want to talk about it. But then he wonders why i am in off moods sometimes. How do i make this better or is there anyway of making this better? NO, there is no way to make this "relationship" better. You are the "other woman" pure and simple. He tells you what you want to hear, and gets upset when you demand real answers. My guess is that they do kiss and touch. I see this is your first relationship, how old is he and how old are you? Stop listening to his lies and get yourself out of this is the best thing you can do, he is using you. 1
preraph Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 You're the other woman. He's cheating on her. Like a lot of guys, he likes to have access to more than one woman. Your other thread, he dropped you off after sleeping at "his other place" "go home," so that should tell you you're in the bachelor pad there and his main priority is at the other house. Stop being cooperative, stop thinking of him as your boyfriend, and start going out with friends and other men when possible and stop being available to him when it's convenient for him to see you. This is not a keeper. If you got him away from this woman, he'd begin looking for the next woman and keep you on the side again. 1
Satu Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Cut all contact with him, cry yourself a river, and find a man you can have all for yourself. As it is, you're just a hobby. 3
elaine567 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 But he says he has to be home at night to keep peace Yeah right! No-one has to keep the peace with housemates or house sharers. Men do have to keep the peace with parents they live with sometimes, but they most definitely have to keep the peace with gfs and wives they live with. A 45 year old man, doesn't have to keep the peace with an ex, if he has a new gf she knows about, but he does have to keep the peace wth an "ex" if he is sleeping with her and she shares his home and life... 1
Zahara Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 he ownes to diffrent homes he still lives at the one house he bought with his ex girlfriend. THe hosue we went to is the house that he had bought when he was 18 its been paid off. He doesnt want to get rid of it though Why can't he continue living in the house he owns and pay his half for the second home he has with his ex-gf, who lives there? Why does he have to live with her?
kendahke Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 So today it seems i cant get this whole situation out of my head. I keep running everything through my mind over and over. I feel like at times i am just the other woman and always will be. weve been together 7 months and we say i love you and talk about stuff in the future. As in some of my other post i have gone into detail about some of the other stuff going on. Such as he still lives with this woman that he bought a house with a year ago. I didn't have to read any further to answer the question posed in your title: "No. As far as this guy is concerned, you are going to remain the other woman. Even if he leaves her, he will find someone else and you will still be the other woman. A man who truly loves you, prioritizes you and makes you #1 above all others. This guy loves having someone to fall back on--you--literally and figuratively speaking. You don't make a significant purchase like a house--tying up your credit and finances like that--with someone you intend upon kicking to the curb unless you're a stone, dumb fool. 1
mrs rubble Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 yes he is. he said he cant move out till he gets his money straight becaue he dosent want to loose everything he has put into the house but they dont kiss or touch he says. But he says he has to be home at night to keep peace Rubbish, I bet ya the shirt off my back, his girlfriend he bought the house with doesn't know that they've "split up". If you turned up at his other house, I bet the money would be sorted in no time! 3
Deidre Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 yes he is. he said he cant move out till he gets his money straight becaue he dosent want to loose everything he has put into the house but they dont kiss or touch he says. But he says he has to be home at night to keep peace dump this dude. seriously. no reason he needs to placate an ex gf. you deserve better. 1
Recommended Posts