that awkward moment when you creep out female engineers

January 17, 2015

I'm a single, 32 year old male. I have no intention of ever trying to date someone at my workplace. I work in a design department of a large-sized organization with a majority-male staff of engineers. A typical interaction as I pass someone in the hallway might be:

Me: "Morning Bob" <eye contact for about 1/2 sec.>

Bob: "Hey" <head nod, slight tip of his coffee cup, eye contact for 1/2 sec.>

There are also a sizable number of women working here. Sometimes they also pass me in the hall. The greeting and eye-contact culture is usually quite similar:

Me: "Hi Sue" <eye contact for 1/2 sec.>

Sue: "Hi chumble" <eye contact for 1/2 sec.>

Unfortunately, some younger female engineers seem impossible NOT to creep out:

Me: "Hi Mary.” <eye contact for 1/2 sec.>

Mary: "Hi." <averts eyes immediately, slight grimace>

or

Me: "Hi." <eye contact for 1/2 sec.>

Her: *silent* <fixed starboard gaze, no eye contact>

or (after a couple of above episodes with the same person):

Me: *silent* <no eye contact>

Her: *silent* <glances at me at the last moment with a "WTF?" look>

Eventually we just pass with no words or eye contact, even though it’s obvious we see each other because you step out of the way slightly to allow room for the other person. But it’s a double-bind because silence can also seem creepy to them. I have this problem with about 3 women on my floor, none of them in my immediate group. Then yesterday, I overhear a conversation outside of my cube:

Woman A to Woman B: “I’

m

so

glad you came to work here in engineering! There are SOOOO many guys. I wish I had a dollar for every creepy look I’ve gotten…”

Me: <eye roll, face palm>

January 17, 2015

Very funny post. But I see the serious side of it too. Obviously, the age gap is the most important factor in whether they are alert for creepers. But I also wonder if because this is a male-dominated profession, many of these women haven't experienced an overload of male attention in the workplace and be on the defensive because of that, which you have to understand when you're so outnumbered, there's more focus on you than you want plus it's a numbers game because out of so many men, certainly a few will genuinely pushing the boundaries and making some women feel uncomfortable, even if you are not and would not intentionally do so. I think you're handling it the best you can. Your pulling back will allow someone who is defensive or fearful but not maliciously slow to advance back toward you at her own pace over time.

January 17, 2015

I think you're handling it the best you can. Your pulling back will allow someone who is defensive or fearful but not maliciously slow to advance back toward you at her own pace over time.

I hope so. I'd like to work here for a long time, and to keep a good reputation. I guess when this happens I should chalk it up to the demographics involved, and not assume it's due to something inherently strange about me besides my age and marital status.

January 17, 2015

i think its more creepy to find creepiness in half a second of eye contact.....i find if a guy stares at em fro ten minutes...that it makes em uncomfortable and the best way i deal with that is to simply smile....normally breaks the staring thing..for all i know he could be zoning out while looking in my direction.....i often zone out myself...i certainly dont mean to creep anyone out....keep doing what your doing op ...saying hello ...maintaining eye contact....its honest and its you....dont worry about immature behavior from others....theres a lot of women who wouldnt even blink over half a second of eye contact....deb

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