raindrops05 Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Hello everyone, my first thread and first time doing anything like this, I will try to make it short.... Met a guy instant chemistry, unfortunaly he had just come out of a long term relationship, so we became just friends, we talked about his relationship and I told him to maybe go back and try with her as they have a small child, anyway he was adamant he didnt want to go back, he left etc. we stayed friends then he asked me out, I was unsure but we got on great and had the same banter so I agreed, as you can guess things changed and feelings got involved...... 11 months on and we are still together although I have been a bit of a secret as he didnt want to upset the ex and cause problems haveing his child, I understood this so had him coming and going as he pleased....his parents now know about me and his friends and the ex.... anyway the problem is, he still doesnt seem to want me fully, he had problems with ex and access with child and he asked for a break to clear his head, we sort of had a break but we still communicated and met up for chats etc.........he said he was sad and needed time alone as she was mirthering him about us etc... on the break he went out every weekend, birthdays xmas nights, he did make an effort and saw me a few times over the holidays but was still distant... he says he wants to be with me definatley doesnt want to go back to the ex, he has told me he loves me but I just feel he is emotionally unavailable, if I talk about the past 11 months and how hard its been for me, he gets upset and says oh here we go again, he says he appreciates me being paitent over months to help him but yet I dont feel priority in his life.... he makes no plans with me, comes mine few times a week as he has child, football, dogs, gym.....rarely sleeps over, last night we went out and he weny home cause he had the dogs and didnt stay at mine, when he does stay hes gone as soon as he gets up, feel like im just a friend with benefits.... he said its all still new? its been nearly a year!!!! he plans his boys nights out his boys holidays and plans nothing in the future with me..... never says i love you although he refered that he did once, i have texted him i loved him but he has never replied to it... just wondering if i was his rebound girl, or he is still stuck on the ex (although hes adamant he will never go back) or just wants a part time woman...... I have told him all this over and over and he gets pissed off.....hes great when we are together but when hes gone I feel a massive wedge between us..........ps still not met the parents!! also ex has told him Im not allowed to see his child, he said he respects ger decision on that! although he comes mine with my kids here. sorry if this is too long or jumbled up, just need to know if im being unreasonable? I appreciate your replies xx
Emilia Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 This never progressed beyond the very initial stages. I agree that it's more a FWB situation. Sorry. 1
preraph Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 I think he's not over his ex or hasn't processed it all to make himself get over it. Sharing custody is very difficult. You might suggest to him that if he feels seeing her for kid exchanges is stopping him from healing, that they get someone neutral to do the kid exchanges (that costs money usually).
eye of the storm Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I know you feel you love him...but he does not return the feeling. If a man loves a woman, esp after 11 months, he would have no problem telling her and having her meet his parents. He doesn't make plans with you but you can tell he is willing to make plans with his friends. That shows his friends are more important than you are. BTW, please stop bringing guy around your children until you are sure it is a solid stable relationship, on both sides. I'm just picturing the thoughts going thru your kids minds seeing a man drop by, bang their mom, and then take off. And yes I am phrasing it like that so you can see it thru their eyes and not yours. Find someone who you love, who is willing to be a stable fixture in your children's lives, and who loves you. Good luck! 1
Gloria25 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Ok, don't take this the wrong way, but I don't see what he's doing wrong here... He has a child, whatever decisions he makes - IMO, the child should always come first. He shouldn't be dragging chicks in front of his kid, trying the whole "Brady Bunch" thing and/or getting re-married (cuz 75% or remarriages w/kids fail cuz of the dynamics you mentioned - like the ex). He shouldn't be doing anything to rile up the ex either. Cuz then that's where the power play comes in - especially if she's a bad ex. So yeah, you're the "hamburgers on the weekend" chick...cuz, his full attention needs to be on his child. He doesn't need to get emotionally wrapped up in another woman. I mean, you're already asking him to prioritize you...see what he gets for trying to date? He's probably emotionally upset right now and his kid will notice his mood shift. 1
Ebelskiver Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I agree with the others, it's a lost cause. Having been through a divorce, it really takes a few years to get your feet back under you. He enjoys having you around as an emotional crutch but he's proven he's not willing to commit. That emptiness you feel when you are apart will never go away. It's not worth it. 1
Gloria25 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I agree with the others, it's a lost cause. Having been through a divorce, it really takes a few years to get your feet back under you. He enjoys having you around as an emotional crutch but he's proven he's not willing to commit. That emptiness you feel when you are apart will never go away. It's not worth it. Well, it would work for me...I don't need to see a guy all the time. As long as he doesn't bring his kids around me I'm fine. But, in the case of the OP, yeah, she might be wasting her time here if she's looking to marry and/or have kids of her own...and, she ain't getting any younger.
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