alphamale Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Lolz. You make it seem like it's so complicated. Maybe it is, but it's not that hard to tell, is it? Let's say you're in a bar, and a woman across the room keeps sustained eye contact and then SMILES. Or keeps looking at you repeatedly. That's your cue; conversation welcome. that works if the man is good looking 1
Author singlelife Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 I've been the wingman for several women and I have yet to see such overt behavior from them. They made eye contact and smiled, but they didn't sustain it. It was impossible to tell whether they were polite smiles or come hither smiles. Some guys did approach them, but never the ones they were interested in. I've had women be more direct with me, but those are very rare. I get it. Good for the ladies to read. They always seem to miss out on good guys so this could be why. They aren't as obvious as they hope to be. 1
Author singlelife Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 Fair enough. Out of genuine curiosity's sake, what signs do you think you've missed in the past? What's been obvious? How would you prefer a woman to convey interest so as to not have to deploy your black ops gear. As a female, I'd be interested to hear a guy's perspective on that. As men most don't know. That's why I started the thread. Guys need to know what you guys actually do. Make another long list of what you ladies do please. Maybe guys can be like wow, I didn't understand that. 1
TheyCallMeOx Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 We women love to be trapped in a corner, I bet that works great! To be honest, I'm not sure if that's sarcasm. It works for me, at least. But then again, I consider myself to be a pretty confident male. 1
Nina1 Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 How do you guys know that a girl is into you?? what are the so called "signs" you are waiting for??? 1
Author singlelife Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 How do you guys know that a girl is into you?? what are the so called "signs" you are waiting for??? guys don't. tell us your signs. 1
chumble Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) a brief touch to my arm or shoulder when talking... unless you're already close friends where this is normal, that's usually enough to give some idea you might be interested in me. Then again, some women with bubbly personalities might touch anyone like that. Edited January 17, 2015 by chumble 1
Nina1 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 historically, the man always had to make the 1st move to marry a girl, it was the man's job to flirt, find a girl and date her. But I noticed that culturally, it hasn't really changed. Nowadays, 80% of the time, the man makes the 1st move. I personnally think it depends on the situation, if a girl knows the guys likes her, I think she has to show him she is into him too and make the 1st move. But it depends on the situations, if the persons are shy,etc.. 2
ascendotum Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Nah. I've known lots of guys who get hit on probably more than even they would like. Often the female is quite unabashed. But if YOU are the guy who has never gotten hit on, then yes, you almost always have to make the first move, if not also the 2nd, 3rd, etc. Yep, not all guys have to make the first move. With the more handsome or rugged/edgey ones, many women will make the first move by striking up a conversation with them, and quite a lot ramp up the flirting so there is absolutely no ambiguity they are a sure thing. The IOIs from the women come on thick & fast. I've seen a few times when the woman has written their number on the guys arm or given him their business card with a wink when they walk out barely knowing him. Hanging out with some good looking guys when I was young threw me a bit in this regard, as what I saw with them I thought was what to expect when a girl really likes you. lol. I got to experience it to an extent later on when I took up body building. Apart from those BB periods in my life I have had to make the first move always, with the exception of a handful of big women where it wasn't hard to read between the lines. When it comes to 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th move, I want the women to step in on some, because I have found the sex will turn out better (I'm just not into passive/sub women which can also hide lack of passion) I certainly would not say women take the first step by being in the same place, but with the subtle signs of body language yes they do. The further down the totem pole in looks though the less enthusiastic & obvious will be the flirting though and if you throw shy/more insecure girls into equation that just makes it harder for many guys to pick up 'just being friendly' from 'interested'. I had a couple of women (not shy/responsible jobs/a bit more on the serious side) who I found out some time later liked me and would have gone out with me, show less tell signs than others who I responded to by asking out only to get told they don't see me like that or a couple who freaked out a bit and then shunned me. Meeting girls at parties is the best as there is alcohol to lower inhibitions, more intimate environment and they don't have their shields up like at a bar + there is no wall to wall competition like in a club. 1
Ebelskiver Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 It seems as if I'm always the one approaching men, and hitting on them. And making the first move. Generally I view men as so clueless that if I waited around for them to do it my hymen would grow back. I've had a couple guys recently pursue me and it's been a nice change of pace. My current bf asked me out initially. I'm so forward that MY signs are hard to miss, "Are you gonna stand there or are you gonna smooch me?" "Hey, you wanna meet for coffee, go for a run, check out a movie....?" If a woman begins discussing sex with you it's a sure sign she's interested. A woman will avoid discussing sex with someone whom she isn't' attracted to so as not to lead him on. If I've just met you and I'm touching you.....hand on the arm, brushing your hair off your face, whatever.....again, I would never do that with someone I wasn't interested in because I wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea. Also, if I invite you over to my place alone...I'm interested. I may be too shy to make the first move but if you go in for a kiss I'll likely respond. Who am I kidding. I'm never too shy. If I keep talking to you at a party I'm likely interested, especially if I know other people there. Also, I won't let someone I'm not interested in by me a drink. Obviously if he buys it and sends it, I'll accept but if he offers I will refuse unless I am at least marginally interested. That interest could wane over the course of the drink so that's not a hard and fast rule. If we are having a kick a$$ conversation that is witty, intellectual, controversial, nuanced.....then it doesn't matter what you look like, I will agree to a date with you. Good conversation like that, with an intellectual equal, is so hard to come by that I won't pass up the opportunity to get to know you better. Flattery doesn't mean anything to me unless it is sincere. And a woman knows when it's sincere (well, we'd like to believe we do anyway). But on that note, if I'm giving you compliments (based on personality traits, not how cool your shoes are) ....and it's not at a party in your honor, you can be sure I'm interested. Hope that helps. 2
Author singlelife Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 miscommunication is why dating is so hard! 1
Snowman219 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 All guys know that women basically do make the first move by being in the area or other small flirting signs, but to actually start a conversation or move in for the kiss and all that? Sometimes guys aren't aware that a women likes them. This should be a good discussion. The real problem is women have this fantasy that men are in charge and in control, when in fact it isn't always the case. This goes for social status, financial status, work status, and so on. When a woman likes a guy and misjudges if he's someone who can initiate (actually afford to talk to her and not have his life totally screwed over in the process), and he turns out to be otherwise then that's why nothing happens. So you're basically talking about when an(for lack of a more appropriate term) alpha female likes a beta or lesser male. Yeah, this is fun to watch in real life. 1
GravityMan Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 That seems to be the issue. They try to show the man but- 1. Men don't pick up on it 2. The signs aren't as obvious as the women think So opportunities are missed. Being able to pay attention and read between the lines is a vital ability to have in ALL human interaction, whether it's a dating opportunity, chatting with friends, etc. Generally speaking, roughly two-thirds of communication is non-verbal, and of the remaining one-third of verbal communication, a significant percentage of that is nuanced, non-literal or indirect. Some people feel that being verbally direct all the time is the most boring form of communication. Any man who is extremely poor at reading between the lines and picking up signals from women (or anyone) is likely socially awkward and has poor people skills. Or they're too deep inside their own heads (a symptom of selfishness). Or worse, a few of them may be on the spectrum. Even shy guys that aren't dense can usually sense when a woman is sending signals of possible interest...those guys just tend to lack the courage to actually make the first overt move. It's generally human nature for men to have initiative and take the lead. A man may be straightforward in his actual communication but it's important that he be able to recognize body language, gestures and others forms of indirectness from others. Many of us learn the basics of that stuff while we're kids, and then as we grow up we improve and refine it with life experiences (including IOI's and dates with women). The overwhelming majority of straight adult men in most countries have dated at least one woman and I'd bet that in 70-80% of those cases, the woman was covertly sending signals of interest and the man spotted those & made the overt move. The human mating dance has subtleties but it's not meant to be vague, complicated or difficult to comprehend. It's when people overthink things or are unclear in their intentions that dating becomes hard and frustrating for them. Dating is not calculus. 1
Author singlelife Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 Being able to pay attention and read between the lines is a vital ability to have in ALL human interaction, whether it's a dating opportunity, chatting with friends, etc. Generally speaking, roughly two-thirds of communication is non-verbal, and of the remaining one-third of verbal communication, a significant percentage of that is nuanced, non-literal or indirect. Some people feel that being verbally direct all the time is the most boring form of communication. Any man who is extremely poor at reading between the lines and picking up signals from women (or anyone) is likely socially awkward and has poor people skills. Or they're too deep inside their own heads (a symptom of selfishness). Or worse, a few of them may be on the spectrum. Even shy guys that aren't dense can usually sense when a woman is sending signals of possible interest...those guys just tend to lack the courage to actually make the first overt move. It's generally human nature for men to have initiative and take the lead. A man may be straightforward in his actual communication but it's important that he be able to recognize body language, gestures and others forms of indirectness from others. Many of us learn the basics of that stuff while we're kids, and then as we grow up we improve and refine it with life experiences (including IOI's and dates with women). The overwhelming majority of straight adult men in most countries have dated at least one woman and I'd bet that in 70-80% of those cases, the woman was covertly sending signals of interest and the man spotted those & made the overt move. The human mating dance has subtleties but it's not meant to be vague, complicated or difficult to comprehend. It's when people overthink things or are unclear in their intentions that dating becomes hard and frustrating for them. Dating is not calculus. good point.
Redhead14 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) Absolutely not. Many women these days do not mind hitting on a guy, or at least showing him they are interested. Just because many women don't mind hitting on a guy, doesn't mean that that's what works in general. These women are opting to dismiss the natural tendencies of men and women. Sometimes it works, sometimes is doesn't. But usually what happens when a woman initiates, she begins to wonder what his real interest level in her is. She becomes insecure because, usually, they are doing all if not most of the initiating. A man, will respond to her and be willing to take what she gives, but doesn't do much to demonstrate or show his real interest level, because he doesn't have to, she's doing all the work. He KNOWS she's interested, so he's comfortable, but usually she isn't a little later down the road. Unless there is balance in a developing relationship, there are always questions. Allowing the man to do all the work is not the answer. It's about balance, he initiates, she responds in kind. It goes that way too when men initiate everything. He's not sure. What a woman should do is be receptive to interest in a positive way. Smile, flirt, what have you and be open to a man's advances. In actuality, she is making the first move. Men shouldn't have to do all the work, all they should have to do is get the ball rolling. If the woman is really interested, he won't have to do all the work. She will work with him in a balanced way. Edited January 19, 2015 by Redhead14
Author singlelife Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 It does seem to be modern times. Women are supposed to be assertive.
Redhead14 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 It does seem to be modern times. Women are supposed to be assertive. Women confuse confidence and assertiveness in dating. Dating is more about confidence than assertiveness. And, it is not about modern times or societal expectations. It's about allowing the natural tendencies that men and women have in terms of attracting a partner. Whether we like it or not, men are biologically wired to be men and women are biologically wired to be women and have separate and distinct characteristics. When we dismiss those natural tendencies and try to operate outside of them, we create imbalance, confusion and anxiety.
Author singlelife Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 Women confuse confidence and assertiveness in dating. Dating is more about confidence than assertiveness. And, it is not about modern times or societal expectations. It's about allowing the natural tendencies that men and women have in terms of attracting a partner. Whether we like it or not, men are biologically wired to be men and women are biologically wired to be women and have separate and distinct characteristics. When we dismiss those natural tendencies and try to operate outside of them, we create imbalance, confusion and anxiety. Makes sense. I hope ladies don't think we are trashing them.
Toodaloo Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 a brief touch to my arm or shoulder when talking... unless you're already close friends where this is normal, that's usually enough to give some idea you might be interested in me. Then again, some women with bubbly personalities might touch anyone like that. I am one such woman! I also flirt with anyone and everyone! Except my brother and my Dad! People often have no idea if I am into girls/ guys or both when they meet me as I do not discriminate! I will talk to anyone and everyone. I will smile at everyone. I will approach and introduce, I will strike up conversation. But I will not ask you out... I will drop subtle hints (like a brick through a window subtle). But if you want a date just ask. The best way to find out is to simply ask me. I am not going to bite. I am outgoing, bubby and slightly nutty but even if I am not interested I will be gentle with you...! If I am interested I may not be so gentle!!! Guys if you want to know if I am really really interested in you then take note of how often I come back to you. How close I let you stand to me. If I bounce off and bounce back regularly and let you get slightly closer or for longer periods of time than everyone else then your onto a winner. If you hold my hand as a joke and I look at it but do not let go you are so in there... I may give you an extra slight squeeze on that hand. Body parts I will touch if I am interested are chest. cheeks. Arms, bums and thighs mean nothing. I will also lean into your touches. Those I am just being happy flirty with for fun I will not lean into.
matt1221 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Lolz. You make it seem like it's so complicated. Maybe it is, but it's not that hard to tell, is it? Let's say you're in a bar, and a woman across the room keeps sustained eye contact and then SMILES. Or keeps looking at you repeatedly. That's your cue; conversation welcome. Once you're having that conversation/date, and you're wondering, "hmm, should I kiss this girl?" Well, is she still smiling? Is she laughing? Does she lean into you when you talk? Does she touch your arm/back/shoulders? Does she flirt? Does she look into your eyes or at your mouth? Do YOU feel that chemistry? Yes? Then proceed. Well sometimes the signs are more obvious. Sometimes you can feel a girl checking you out but you never actually look over and catch them. Sometimes when you know a girl already they will talk about how hot another guy is right in front of you to try to get your attention.
Author singlelife Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 Well sometimes the signs are more obvious. Sometimes you can feel a girl checking you out but you never actually look over and catch them. Sometimes when you know a girl already they will talk about how hot another guy is right in front of you to try to get your attention. i've seen that. that's one of the most insane things i've ever seen too as a plan. i have no idea why women do this.
Emilia Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 You may have a point. But if most men don't pick it up then it's an issue. They do pick up on it though since most men get laid many times over their lifetime. Very often by more than one woman. Therefore most men must pick up on the clues. don't make your problem everyone else's problem.
Emilia Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 i've seen that. that's one of the most insane things i've ever seen too as a plan. i have no idea why women do this. It's because men are competitive and they bite. Sounds like you need to start talking to your male friends more.
Author singlelife Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 It's because men are competitive and they bite. Sounds like you need to start talking to your male friends more. Lol. So you guys do play one against another. Wow! Ha.
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