singlelife Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 All guys know that women basically do make the first move by being in the area or other small flirting signs, but to actually start a conversation or move in for the kiss and all that? Sometimes guys aren't aware that a women likes them. This should be a good discussion. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 All guys know that women basically do make the first move by being in the area or other small flirting signs, but to actually start a conversation or move in for the kiss and all that? Sometimes guys aren't aware that a women likes them. This should be a good discussion. Nah. I've known lots of guys who get hit on probably more than even they would like. Often the female is quite unabashed. But if YOU are the guy who has never gotten hit on, then yes, you almost always have to make the first move, if not also the 2nd, 3rd, etc. 1
HarryG Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 I am in the middle of dating a new girl. We've been on 4 dates. I'll admit that during the process I knew I would be expected to make the first move, and I wasn't sure how to go about it. I've never been one to date. I'm 38 and my shortest relationship was 2 years. The girl I am seeing now on our first date was putting out some signals that she was interested. They are there and you just need to watch for them. During our dinner (all that was planned) she looked at her watch and said that she felt it was still early and wanted to know if there was anything else I wanted to do. Signal 1. After some discussion she decided that going back to my place to talk and get to know each other more was the best plan (nothing but talking happened). Signal 2. I walked her out to her car after about 3 hours of talking. It was about 15 degrees out. When we got to her car she stopped and stood by the driver's door shivering and shaking. Signal 3. I told myself that if this girl didn't like me then she wouldn't be freezing her @ss off. So i kissed her. We've been dating since. Do some girls make the first move? Absolutely. I've been with girls like that. I've been shy all my life and usually the girl gets to a point where she's like "Enough already!!" and makes the first move. As a fellow male, the signs are there if you know how to watch for them. Once you know what to look for, making the first move becomes less and less stressful. 3
Author singlelife Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 I am in the middle of dating a new girl. We've been on 4 dates. I'll admit that during the process I knew I would be expected to make the first move, and I wasn't sure how to go about it. I've never been one to date. I'm 38 and my shortest relationship was 2 years. The girl I am seeing now on our first date was putting out some signals that she was interested. They are there and you just need to watch for them. During our dinner (all that was planned) she looked at her watch and said that she felt it was still early and wanted to know if there was anything else I wanted to do. Signal 1. After some discussion she decided that going back to my place to talk and get to know each other more was the best plan (nothing but talking happened). Signal 2. I walked her out to her car after about 3 hours of talking. It was about 15 degrees out. When we got to her car she stopped and stood by the driver's door shivering and shaking. Signal 3. I told myself that if this girl didn't like me then she wouldn't be freezing her @ss off. So i kissed her. We've been dating since. Do some girls make the first move? Absolutely. I've been with girls like that. I've been shy all my life and usually the girl gets to a point where she's like "Enough already!!" and makes the first move. As a fellow male, the signs are there if you know how to watch for them. Once you know what to look for, making the first move becomes less and less stressful. to most guys that is a lot to go through. talking for hours isn't obvious. women do that all the time. 1
HarryG Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 to most guys that is a lot to go through. talking for hours isn't obvious. women do that all the time. Agreed talking for hours isn't in itself a signal that the girl wants things to progress. I didn't use that as a indicator that she would. I simply stated that if you look and pay attention, they will give you all the information you need to figure out what you should do. 2
Author singlelife Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 Agreed talking for hours isn't in itself a signal that the girl wants things to progress. I didn't use that as a indicator that she would. I simply stated that if you look and pay attention, they will give you all the information you need to figure out what you should do. so it's up to men to be aware? i guess we just can't decode the signs. 1
PogoStick Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Of course you have to pay attention to the signs. How often does a girl on a date say, "I'm really loving this conversation with you. You have these great qualities that I'm looking for: x because..., y..., and z. I am so into you right now. I'd like you to pull me close and give me butterflies of anticipation as it feels that gravity is irresistibly pulling our lips closer together. Kiss me. Kiss me now!" The only time I've had a girl beg me to kiss her was on New Years Eve. She wanted to lock me down for midnight, and then begged me to take her home and bang her. However, women all the time put out signals, and even compete for attention. Like when you're flirting with one girl, then another has a little meltdown or tantrum to make the attention come her way. But generally a woman is pretty passive during a date. You have to test her by touching her, putting your arm around her, grabbing her hand, seeing how she reacts when you sit a little closer. When she says things like "you're mysterious" or "you're confusing" she's really saying "I'm attracted to you but I don't know why" or "I'm attracted to you but can't tell if you feel the same". 3
Redhead14 Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 All guys know that women basically do make the first move by being in the area or other small flirting signs, but to actually start a conversation or move in for the kiss and all that? Sometimes guys aren't aware that a women likes them. This should be a good discussion. If you aren't aware that a woman likes you, she probably isn't as into you as you may think or doesn't really understand how much you like her. She's rowing the same boat. And, whether we like it or not, the majority of women do and should wait for the man to make the move. It's not really about placing the oneness on men, it's just about making a standard/basis for operating while dating to eliminate this kind of confusion. Somebody has to do it at some point or it won't happen, and a woman's natural tendency usually is to wait for clarification from the man, just as it's man's natural tendency usually to be the hunter. Yes, sometimes, men and women depart from that, but generally, it's just human nature. A woman will make gestures that she wants a kiss from a man if she really knows she wants it, men don't see it sometimes. They actually do make the first move in the sense that they let the man know she's open to it. Generally, a man won't move in on a woman unless she's given him some kind of thumbs up first. If she's not, then she's just not ready or isn't experienced. 1
alphamale Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 All guys know that women basically do make the first move by being in the area or other small flirting signs, but to actually start a conversation or move in for the kiss and all that? Sometimes guys aren't aware that a women likes them. This should be a good discussion. women "covertly" encourage a man but it's still his job to make the first overt move 3
Author singlelife Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 women "covertly" encourage a man but it's still his job to make the first overt move the covertly is the issue. men aren't covert black ops. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 I understand the concern but probably a good rule of thumb for life is to try to go for what you want in your life!! So if that means approaching, that's the thing to do! If you are a guy or a girl! 1
Author singlelife Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 I understand the concern but probably a good rule of thumb for life is to try to go for what you want in your life!! So if that means approaching, that's the thing to do! If you are a guy or a girl! good rule. it soumds like women miss out because of this. 2
orangetree Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 As a female, I do expect men to make the first move, always. I don't know, for me that's just normal. Men do the chasing. BUT women shouldn't play games, like playing hard to get or so. They should show a man if they're interested. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 I don't think that men or women "SHOULD" do it. I am shy and I am very aware that I have had it easier as a woman than a man because it's fine if I never put myself on the line like that, for a shy man it's much more of a problem. Because of society's expectations. 1
TheyCallMeOx Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 For the most part, men are typically the ones who pursue. And I'm okay with that. I like direct confrontation. Women tend to beat around the bush, so it's fun trapping them in a corner and forcing them to answer a question. 1
Author singlelife Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 As a female, I do expect men to make the first move, always. I don't know, for me that's just normal. Men do the chasing. BUT women shouldn't play games, like playing hard to get or so. They should show a man if they're interested. That seems to be the issue. They try to show the man but- 1. Men don't pick up on it 2. The signs aren't as obvious as the women think So opportunities are missed. 1
alphamale Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 1. Men don't pick up on it if the man doesn't pick up on the signs then he doesn't deserve a woman 2
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 For the most part, men are typically the ones who pursue. And I'm okay with that. I like direct confrontation. Women tend to beat around the bush, so it's fun trapping them in a corner and forcing them to answer a question. We women love to be trapped in a corner, I bet that works great! 2
Author singlelife Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 if the man doesn't pick up on the signs then he doesn't deserve a woman You may have a point. But if most men don't pick it up then it's an issue. 1
losangelena Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 the covertly is the issue. men aren't covert black ops. Lolz. You make it seem like it's so complicated. Maybe it is, but it's not that hard to tell, is it? Let's say you're in a bar, and a woman across the room keeps sustained eye contact and then SMILES. Or keeps looking at you repeatedly. That's your cue; conversation welcome. Once you're having that conversation/date, and you're wondering, "hmm, should I kiss this girl?" Well, is she still smiling? Is she laughing? Does she lean into you when you talk? Does she touch your arm/back/shoulders? Does she flirt? Does she look into your eyes or at your mouth? Do YOU feel that chemistry? Yes? Then proceed. 1
Author singlelife Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 Lolz. You make it seem like it's so complicated. Maybe it is, but it's not that hard to tell, is it? Let's say you're in a bar, and a woman across the room keeps sustained eye contact and then SMILES. Or keeps looking at you repeatedly. That's your cue; conversation welcome. Once you're having that conversation/date, and you're wondering, "hmm, should I kiss this girl?" Well, is she still smiling? Is she laughing? Does she lean into you when you talk? Does she touch your arm/back/shoulders? Does she flirt? Does she look into your eyes or at your mouth? Do YOU feel that chemistry? Yes? Then proceed. The thread is for guys who have issues with this. So I'm not making it complicated. Smiles at a bar doesn't mean she is interested. Sometimes it means she being nice. Sometimes it means she is just flirting. This also can be good for women to read because they may think they are throwing themselves at men but they aren't. 1
losangelena Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Fair enough. Out of genuine curiosity's sake, what signs do you think you've missed in the past? What's been obvious? How would you prefer a woman to convey interest so as to not have to deploy your black ops gear. As a female, I'd be interested to hear a guy's perspective on that. 1
Shining One Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 We women love to be trapped in a corner, I bet that works great! This is actually a thing in Japan. Look up "kabe-don". 1
Shining One Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Let's say you're in a bar, and a woman across the room keeps sustained eye contact and then SMILES. Or keeps looking at you repeatedly. That's your cue; conversation welcome.I've been the wingman for several women and I have yet to see such overt behavior from them. They made eye contact and smiled, but they didn't sustain it. It was impossible to tell whether they were polite smiles or come hither smiles. Some guys did approach them, but never the ones they were interested in. I've had women be more direct with me, but those are very rare. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 i think its old school for a guy to step up to the plate and actively pursue a woman.....most dates i have had have been on a guy pursuing me....i dont play games..i let them know i am interested.i just wait for the guy to ask normally ...to me it just feels right....the only interest i give off first is a personal interest in them.....i will engage in conversation and be interested in them..i will maintain eye contact....and ask questions....lots of them.....i would even build up the nerve to call them....but as far as asking goes.....i dotnnormally have to ask.....when i like a guy....they already like me and i know that.........deb 1
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