Trotters Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Im a 34 year old male. Been seeing someone for 12 months she gave me many compliments, told me she loved me etc. Then the last few months texts & meet ups became less frequent. She never had guts to tell me she wasn't in love with me anymore, she waited & asked me how I felt about her before she told me how she felt about me. I think she knew for months how she felt but never told me. I never demanded anything, sacrificed a lot for her, gave her my heart & soul to get to know her as a person & not just for s*x. Why couldn't she just be honest with me. I feel like the whole thing was a lie from day one, yet she went along with it for 12 months!!!. We broke up before for a month but she came back to me & I gave her a 2nd chance thinking she regretted letting me go. Turns out it was a 2nd chance to break my heart. Why come back to me if she had no intentions of progressing with me???. Im hurt more because she wasn't honest its like I wasn't worthy of the truth or she didn't respect me enough to tell me. I had no idea. Why didn't she tell me before now why???
bigtrouble Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Im a 34 year old male. Been seeing someone for 12 months she gave me many compliments, told me she loved me etc. Then the last few months texts & meet ups became less frequent. She never had guts to tell me she wasn't in love with me anymore, she waited & asked me how I felt about her before she told me how she felt about me. I think she knew for months how she felt but never told me. I never demanded anything, sacrificed a lot for her, gave her my heart & soul to get to know her as a person & not just for s*x. Why couldn't she just be honest with me. I feel like the whole thing was a lie from day one, yet she went along with it for 12 months!!!. We broke up before for a month but she came back to me & I gave her a 2nd chance thinking she regretted letting me go. Turns out it was a 2nd chance to break my heart. Why come back to me if she had no intentions of progressing with me???. Im hurt more because she wasn't honest its like I wasn't worthy of the truth or she didn't respect me enough to tell me. I had no idea. Why didn't she tell me before now why??? She must have thought of it for a long time, the first BU is a major red flag, she did it once, but can't, she may have no emotional support and have not checked out, but she never gave up that thought. She was getting distant, again a Red Flag, she was slowly detaching herself. She stayed with you, until she has checked out. My guess is she has an emotional support which helped her the second time around. Plus the fact that she does not want to hurt your feelings knowing it will have a major impact in your life. Honesty and Respect are of little concern for Dumpers, they no longer feel an attachment to you, its just the thought of hurting someone that keeps them from doing it and it lingers for a while. 1
Light Breeze Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) Brother, sorry for the pain you feel right now. It hurts I know and anyone can relate to this. You're not alone. Don't think she lied to you and never loved you because chances are in her way she did but it just wasn't enough for her. Don't regret loving her with all your heart, instead be proud that you did, not all are capable of that. Why didn't she tell you before now that she's fallen out of love with you and why'd she return after your first breakup? It is probably her way of trying to reclaim those feelings she had, but was unsuccesful in doing so, that's why it took months for her to pull the trigger. Some people are like that, they let their feelings fizzle out instead of trying to fix the problems, then when it's all gone they leave you. Now, is a critical time for you, love and coddle yourself. Grieve the loss but don't wallow in it. Work on yourself and stay busy. Go to the gym, learn new things, go out with friends and family. Continue to live your life. Most of all go the NO CONTACT (NC) route. Delete/block calls and text, emails, social media (do not fb, instagram, etc stalk her) Do not attempt to communicate or reject any attempt on her part to do so. Do this and you will feel the weight on your chest slowly lifting. Don't lose hope. Somewhere out there is the woman who will love and cherish you as you do her. Stay strong brother. Edited January 17, 2015 by Light Breeze
JonjMie Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Hello mate, I'm living the same pain as you except it was 10 months. My GF tried to break up with me 3 times and I didn't see the flags but the guys above are right about you and they were right about me, she checked out some time ago and was just hanging on before she dumped you, maybe to see if it was saveable but more likely that she didn't want to hurt you. I have also experienced the distant thing, not initIating contact, not reaching for my hand, not hugging me in the kitchen, and the last time we made love I knew it wasn't right, rather than be too graphic there were no creative juices flowing if you catch my meaning. So like you she had left some months before. Yes I agree it hurts and soon you will get angry, I still hold out the faintest glimmer that she'll text me but he likelyhood is she never will, she's moved on, she on a dating site. For your own health go the NC route, if you read my story you will see I did some crazy stuff over the last 11 days but text and messaging has been NC It's going to take some time, I predict the spring time will be when you start to feel much better, sun shining and you will be a couple of months down the line. Keep posting on here, these guys really help, I use my blog as a diary when I need to just pour out my feelings.
Author Trotters Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 Thank you. I hate it when people don't wanna hurt you. But either way youre gonna get hurt. Id much rather be told straight up than let it fizzle out. That's cruel
Author Trotters Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 In hindsight I should have asked her a few months ago where were we heading?. At least I would have had the choice to stay or go. I just wanna love someone & for someone to love me. I feel I have the potential but its not easy meeting & getting to know people it can take a long time getting to know someone properly. Its not like theres a queue of women waiting for me.
JonjMie Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 In hindsight I should have asked her a few months ago where were we heading?. At least I would have had the choice to stay or go. I just wanna love someone & for someone to love me. I feel I have the potential but its not easy meeting & getting to know people it can take a long time getting to know someone properly. Its not like theres a queue of women waiting for me. I've tried it, I'm 47 and I'm told fairly handsome, 6ft 3 and don't really have any problems with women, I bedded a girl last night and wished I hadnt, was thinking about my ex and the girl was just a sex object when she has better intention, I feel bad for that but last night proved I'm not ready. You have so much time on your side, when I ws 34 I got remarried and had two children !!!! So for now, get out, join the gym, focus on something else and forget dating for a while, or like me you will just **** up your recovery.
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