DivorcedDad123 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 You're way too vested in this girl. If she contacts you, you need to not respond for your own mental health. I'd say delete her from fb too. She may get annoyed and reach out then, but you need to step back or this is going to become an obsession with you. Checking her fb,wondering whether to "like" something or not, replaying scenarios in your head,etc.,, All are not healthy. Sometimes we invest more in people than we should. Especially early on. We idealize them and make them out to be more than they are,in our own heads. In situations like yours, they don't reciprocate those feelings and you're left wondering what you did wrong? How could you change it? If only this or that. It probably happens to everyone at one time or another. The good part is, it teaches us not to invest in people so soon. Down the line you'll be a little more cautious about jumping in with both feet. The only thing you've done wrong is letting someone rent space in your head that they don't deserve. That has to be earned. 1
Author flirtatwork Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) You're way too vested in this girl. If she contacts you, you need to not respond for your own mental health. I'd say delete her from fb too. She may get annoyed and reach out then, but you need to step back or this is going to become an obsession with you. Checking her fb,wondering whether to "like" something or not, replaying scenarios in your head,etc.,, All are not healthy. Sometimes we invest more in people than we should. Especially early on. We idealize them and make them out to be more than they are,in our own heads. In situations like yours, they don't reciprocate those feelings and you're left wondering what you did wrong? How could you change it? If only this or that. It probably happens to everyone at one time or another. The good part is, it teaches us not to invest in people so soon. Down the line you'll be a little more cautious about jumping in with both feet. The only thing you've done wrong is letting someone rent space in your head that they don't deserve. That has to be earned. Thank you so much for your input in this thread. Everything you have said is so true and spot on. It's not going to be easy to ignore her if she contacts me but I know that it's the right thing to do. I am starting to see things a bit better now. I got way too invested like you said and I think I got blind as the feelings started to take over. I have learned so many things about myself these past weeks and Im really glad about that. It's so easy for me to get obsessed and I'm so aware of it and that clouds my judgement. If somebody is still reading this thread and wants to talk about getting obsessed about crushes and how to handle it, feel free to do so! I'm pretty sure that she didnt feel the obsession from me but I felt it and was aware of it the whole time. Edited January 18, 2015 by flirtatwork
Author flirtatwork Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 Like I thought she made contact last night. She sent me a link to something that blew her mind. Like we have been doing before the sex happened. I just answered very cool "Thanks, will take a look at it" and nothing more, she replied something and then I just sent to sleep. How should I approach this now?
Emilia Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Like I thought she made contact last night. She sent me a link to something that blew her mind. Like we have been doing before the sex happened. I just answered very cool "Thanks, will take a look at it" and nothing more, she replied something and then I just sent to sleep. How should I approach this now? Suggest a proper date and not have sex. Slow down the pace, she reached out, she stopped freaking out so take the foot off the pedal and use your skills to build a relationship before you rush into intimacy again. 1
thecrucible Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 To me it sounds like this was the female version of the pump and dump... She just wanted to get laid... That could be the case but also... She might have got into bed because she was living in the moment. Then on reflection, after they'd had sex, she realised she wasn't as interested in him as she thought. I did this to a guy once and I'm not proud of it. I suddenly realised the morning after sleeping with him, that I didn't think our personalities were a match and aspects of our lifestyle didn't match up to make a workable relationship. After thinking about it for a few hours, I cancelled our next date and apologised to him. And it had nothing to do with how good the sex was, although I'm sure his ego took a bruise. I won't ever do that again. I know better and I take my time getting to know people. If I'm not sure whether our expectations of the experience match up, then I don't do it. I try and push my lust aside now. I'm not excusing my part in this but takes two to tango as well... In time you might think..."Oh well, at least I got a good night out of it"
Author flirtatwork Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 Suggest a proper date and not have sex. Slow down the pace, she reached out, she stopped freaking out so take the foot off the pedal and use your skills to build a relationship before you rush into intimacy again. I'm most definitely gonna be careful not rushing into intimacy. After hearing plenty of advices about this it's hard for me to think it will ever be again. Of course I want it but after being told that something isn't clicking I imagine that it will be hard for her or embarrassing to confess it when something 'clicks'. But now I'm probably thinking way too far ahead. 1
Emilia Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 I'm most definitely gonna be careful not rushing into intimacy. After hearing plenty of advices about this it's hard for me to think it will ever be again. Of course I want it but after being told that something isn't clicking I imagine that it will be hard for her or embarrassing to confess it when something 'clicks'. But now I'm probably thinking way too far ahead. She says you take her mind away from work, her responsibilities, etc because she keeps waiting for your messages. That doesn't sound like not clicking. I do think you need to be careful, it might be that she is too all over the place, some people who jump into things fast do so because they aren't capable of anyting more paced and long term. That's true. Do give it a chance though, just for a little while. See what happens.
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