McFly10 Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Just want to say if you read this, thank you because you've probably read similar situations to mine a million times over. But I'm just reaching out to make sense of all of this. And maybe in the process someone else can learn from this as well. Ok so first off, just a little history between me and my ex girlfriend. I first met her in 2009 I was 18 at the time and she was 14. Trust me I never knew her real age, of course I asked, in which she told me 17 and I believed her because she looked and acted so mature for her age. Now we were solid friends until the end of 2011 (sept-oct). I asked her out she said yes, dated for about 2 months before she broke it off with me because she claimed she didn't have time for a relationship, incidentally I told her I feel in love with her. And after about 3-4 months of little to no contact she hit me up to meet her in person and she said she wanted me back to which I agreed being still in love. This is where the relationship for serious. Now having the upbringing I had I unconsciously barred myself from having an emotional output. I told her I was trying to change this part of me for her but mainly for me because I realized I never looked that part of myself. And later in the relationship we had a talk about how I'm not emotionally on par with her was talking is toll on her and I assured her that I loved her to the fullest, and that I'm giving this my all. Don't get me wrong every other aspect of the relationship was near perfect (mentally, physically, financially, etc.). But this was the only issue we've had. But I have made improvements on the whole emotional side of myself which was apparent to me but not so much to her. Fast forward to sept '14 my last semester of school. This is when we got distant from each other because of school, work, other things. But on my birthday in October she said she wanted to marry me (I told her about a year prior that I wanted to marry her). And the week before Thanksgiving she ended it, saying she didn't feel the romance anymore. Furious, I didn't talk to her for about 4 days. Then I pleaded with her to talk with me so we can assess what's going on then find out the next step. She agreed, she basically told me that she knows that I'm trying but she doesn't know if this is what she wants anymore and to give her sometime to think it. She also told me that we can still be friends and we could still talk and hang out and stuff. I lasted about 3 days nc before feeling the depression and just missing her severely. I pleaded with her to take me back. We had a long argument and the main issue she got from it is that I didn't bother to try and that she gave her all from the beginning. I told her that that wasn't the case and I owned up to the fact that I was moving slow with the process. She wasn't having it. The begging and pleasing continued for a majority of the month of December. During this time she revealed to me that she loves me but not sure if she is in love with me anymore, and not sure if she wants to give me another chance because of what i said. She finally seen that I was way more emotional than she ever seen me. To which she stated that this is what she wanted all along but now it's "different ". I already knew what this meant that she was talking to another guy. She confirmed it and she started that he satisfies her more emotionally that i did. Devastated and panicking, I pleaded even more to which you can guess didn't work in my favor. 3 days after Christmas she agreed to meet up with me so I can walk her to the train. I initially intended to do just that. But it eventually turned into an argument on me blaming her on how she could just throw everything we had so easily. This ended with her telling me that I should fall out of love with her because she doesn't know how long this could take for her to figure out and that it's not fair to me to wait for her. That gut wrenching line threw me over the edge I immediately left and succumbed to the first nervous breakdown of my life. I basically wondered the streets aimlessly till about 3 in the morning. The next day I called her up trying to explain what happened to me and she responded to me saying that I'm just blaming everything on her. Distraught, confused, emotional, and heartbroken, after coming my head of a little I decided to write her a letter about all the things I wanted to say in person and over the phone that previously I couldn't. It was extremely in depth with everything in our relationship. Why I acted and reacted the way I did in the past. How I felt, apologies on issues. I even wrote about memories we shared that were very important to us. I just had to get it all off my chest. I gave it to her in person on new years Eve. She read it the next day, telling me that she was tearing up and smiling the whole time she read it and that she truly understands how I feel about her. And that she never thought that I would take it so hard because I was always so calm about everything. I was happy she finally understood my point of it all. Yet the very next day I called her up and we ended up arguing again about me trying to get here back. This is honestly the most we've ever fight in our 3 years together because we agree on most things if we don't we solve the issue immediately while being very vocal about it. I finally decided to seriously pursue the nc method no matter what. I lasted about a week before I found out from a mutual friend that she has been going out with the gut she has been talking to since before Christmas. They even showed me that she was talking to him seriously literally right after we broke up. They even started sleeping together! They even showed me a text where she said "love me forever" or diverging, i couldn't believe it!! Im still very heartbroken and pissed off on how she could move on so fast. How could she moved on so quick after everything we shared and the promises, and she and i knew the love we shared was real. This was another blow to my ego heart and psyche. Since the breakup started I slipped into depression, I stopped eating and hardly slept. But this is news made the symptoms even more severe. A week later my body gave in to the stress and I suffered from a seizure the first I've ever had in my life. Incidentally she texted me that morning to check up on me. I gave in to the nc role and told her what happened and that I was in the hospital. She said she was leaving right away to see me but I declined to see her because I physically couldn't take seeing her. She understood but continued to talk to her. She told me encouraging words and to stay strong because she wouldn't know what to do if she lost me. I told her soon after that I knew that she was in a relationship and I hope she is happy and I wish her the best. She had still been talking to me the days after. She told all our close friends of what happened to me. And when my friends and family found out what happened and that she was the main reason of what happened, she received texts out of anger from my mother, and several friends. I defended her off course. But she told me that she broke down because she felt extremely guilty about all of this and that she cares and loves me but can't be guilted into coming back. I agreed and said that we should stop talking for a while because we are both hurting each other. She told me right after that she still doesn't know if she is in love with me but I was get best friend and the best relationship she every had and that she was very happy for the most part. Now I still love get very much and I want to ensue this period of nc but would this new relationship be considered a rebound, GIGS, or has she really moved on because in my eyes she can't even really know the gut given the amount of time they've been talking. And she still seems confused. I consulted some friends and they said that she is going thru a phase and it is a rebound, that you have to give her time to realize that herself. My brother said that in his experience that she was feeling this guy for a while and she wanted this. I feel like it is a rebound and that she ran away from her feelings and guilt of this breakup and went to this guy. It just worries me because she seems happy, and she seems committed. One reason I feel she is in a rebound because she told me that if somebody else could make her happy that we don't need to be together and she's holding on to false hope. Now I've read a couple things if the internet and it sounded like a telltale sign of a rebound but for some reason I'm still not convinced. I told myself I want to have hope no matter what. And that we can still make it work one day. I don't know if I'm in denial or overthinking the situation or what. I want to focus on myself but I can't help but think how everything changed so fast? How could she go from saying that she wants to marry me and I'll love you forever to this? Can anybody help me on this one?
bigtrouble Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) I feel you pain, I am going through the same thing, I exhausted all my mental thought on trying to figure it out, until I finally gave up. (26days out of my BU) Think of it less and think of yourself more. Happened to me too. You need to go NC and stay away from her, it will only bring back pain and a thousand questions. You don't need answers right now, you need to love your self and take care of yourself. We are going through the same process, you are not alone... Edited January 17, 2015 by bigtrouble
Author McFly10 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 This is what everyone is telling me and I know I need to do this for myself as well. It just hurts so bad
bigtrouble Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) This is what everyone is telling me and I know I need to do this for myself as well. It just hurts so bad I know it hurts like hell, and we often try to understand it and try to find some hope. This will only give us a major setback in our healing. The truth is they did that to us because they no longer feel love for us, and it would be unfair to keep us on a string. I am in a similar situation, read all those, watched videos, I was getting nowhere and was getting worst. I decided to stop and just try to survive taking it one step a day. Edited January 17, 2015 by bigtrouble
Author McFly10 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 Can I still have hope? She even told me it's not crazy to have hope because of our history together
bigtrouble Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Can I still have hope? She even told me it's not crazy to have hope because of our history together If you hope... Pain comes with it, you are not with her... She is seeing someone else... more pain... Why is she doing this to me?... more pain... What are they doing... more pain... You just had a breakdown, help yourself... If she wanted you back, she would have done it already... I know its difficult but sometimes we just have to let go, even if we can't, we have to try, for our own sake....
towardthefuture Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 It sounds like a rebound but........ have some self respect. Don't take her back if she crawls back in a couple of months. If that becomes the situation, this is a chick who basically dumped you to bang someone else for a couple of months. History repeats itself. Just move on. You're both young.
bigtrouble Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Can I still have hope? She even told me it's not crazy to have hope because of our history together Sure I miss her, sure I want her back for now... This may change as the time goes by and my wounded heart heals... Though I have given up hope, I still want her back... it happens to the best of us... When I stopped thinking about her coming back, I started eating better and started my recovery, I no longer have the urge to call or text her, but boy do I miss her... Let me share to you my story its a long one http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/510877-gf-left-me-her-lesbian-friend
Author McFly10 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 I feel as tho I may get over the heartbreak but I can't love somebody as much, and I know that's the wrong outlook to have on things but I can't escape the feeling. I just want to do whatever it takes to get her back. Yet I know I gotta look out for myself
bigtrouble Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 I feel as tho I may get over the heartbreak but I can't love somebody as much, and I know that's the wrong outlook to have on things but I can't escape the feeling. I just want to do whatever it takes to get her back. Yet I know I gotta look out for myself I sure feel the same way you do now.... I believe in time all wounds heal and the absence of love broke my heart, and only Love can mend it back. Does not matter if its her or another. Love will bring me back. Hang in there, you are not alone in this struggle. The pain slowly goes away but you have to be willing to let go.
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