trnkstar Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 So I really like this girl I work with and she broke up with her fiancé recently. She knows I like her but obviously she's not ready yet. So I assumed we were in good friendship but she said I was smothering her. I want to be her friend and help her with the break up but since she said I was smothering her, should I just wait for her to make the move and see if she even still wants to be friends? Any quicks tips of how I should interact with her at work?(we work in the same department) I assume I should wait because I know what I want and she does not. I feel like if I smoother her more,it will ruin any chance of friendship. I plan on talking to her like any other co-worker at work I was just wondering if there were things I should avoid talking about or things I SHOULD talk about?
WhatYouWantToHear Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Any quicks tips of how I should interact with her at work? Dude, she's not into you and will not be in the future. So, you treat her like anyone you work with and have no romantic chance with. Also, don't act like you are taking the high road and "help her with the break up". You want to be the next guy, which is fine, just don't bs her or yourself about what you want. And again, she's not into it, so just leave her alone. Drop her from friend to acquantance. 3
Awon Apanilerin Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Treat her like every regular employee in the company. You care too much and that is your problem. Get over you need to fix situations. Who cares what she thinks? She simply isn't into you. Do whatever the hell you want. Do you care what they guy in the next office or building thinks? Of course not. So treat her the same way. She's just another woman that poops and barfs like every other person. 2
GemmaUK Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 If she has already felt smothered by you then she won't be dating you at any point in the future. Feeling smothered is a horrible feeling and something that a person doesn't forget. Get your mind off her and find someone else. 3
Author trnkstar Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 Thanks for the solid advice. I'm not trying to to take the high road as well, I literally just want to be friends at this point. Thoughts of a relationship are now long gone. 1
Author trnkstar Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 Update: she is now flirting with a guy at work. They can do what they want. The thing is I'm jealous of the attention she is giving him. So as I do my job, I watch this go on and feel more and more jealous. She just had that huge breakup so she is seeking any and all attention. I'm just wondering if I'm doing the right thing but not trying to grab any of the attention she is dishing out. (I'm sure she would give me some attention). I want the attention but also want to be her friend? What do I do? Just move on and focus on the friendship and not be jealous?
Author trnkstar Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 thank you, i wish the signs she was giving me were simpler to read.
thecrucible Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Just keep things polite but don't be emotionally taken in by her flirting - just treat it like banter. I can tell you if she's just broken up with someone, she's probably just getting used to being back on the market and single, finding that new identity for herself and wanting to feel attractive and desired again. It's the wrong headspace for anything serious. Just keep your distance. I was in long term relationship where we spoke about getting engaged. We never did but after we broke up, it took me a while (maybe over a year) to consider dating as a way to meet someone else and not just a way to have fun meeting new people and feel desired again. Just keep appropriate distance with her and she'll get the message. 1
Author trnkstar Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 Thank you guys. You have been most helpful!
preraph Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 She is not at all into you. She doesn't want your attention, which is what "You are smothering me" means. She wants you to go away and stay away. You need to be polite and nothing more at work.
Author trnkstar Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 She is not at all into you. She doesn't want your attention, which is what "You are smothering me" means. She wants you to go away and stay away. You need to be polite and nothing more at work. What you are saying is we should not befriends? Lol, although she seems like that.
preraph Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 If I was telling a guy he smothered me, I would (1) know he had a crush on me already and (2) therefore not want to keep him around knowing he had a crush on me and that I didn't reciprocate the feelings.
Author trnkstar Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 Oh, so I ****ed myself over by telling her I had a crush on her?
lovexocoach Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 She's not into you. At best you will be friend zoned. You're setting yourself up to be hurt. Move on and find someone to woo.
Recommended Posts