turningpoint Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Long story short, I've had a stint of getting hurt in dating situations over the last year therefore my guard is up and I'm terrified of putting myself in that position again. I met a guy at a work Christmas party (he's not a coworker) while completely wasted. We ended up making out and I barely remembered the night, but he called me the next day to organize a date. The first date was actually pretty good, and we could easily spend hours together. We spent 8 hours together talking and I slept over (nothing sexual happened). After that first date, it hit me that he didn't take me out for dinner (we just went for drinks) and I wasn't happy we ended up at his place so early. I felt he was a player so I pretty much wrote him off on my mind, and lied to him a couple of times and said I was busy to avoid going on a date. Anyway, on the next couple of dates he made a solid effort, took me out to a nice restaurant, paid for the meal, didn't push for anything further than a kiss. He also called me a couple of times just to talk and hear about my day. He also told me he felt I was concerned about what happened on that first date, thought I might think it was a trick and assured me it wasn't what he had planned at all. Last night we ended up on another date. He ended up getting me flowers as well. I decided to open up more and he was really happy about that and told me that he really, really liked me and felt we connected in so many ways. We ended up back at his place, and things got pretty hot, but I allowed nothing sexual to happen and told him that wasn't going to happen. He said he respected that, and we basically stayed up till 2am talking about really emotional/heavy things/sharing our lives, almost to the point where we were both getting teary eyed then we just fell asleep. We made out and there was one point where he clearly was hoping for sex, and pulled out all the sweet lines, but never once did he even try to take my clothes off. He seemed happy to talk to me all night. I'm just not sure how to feel about the situation. He's been the hook up type for years. He admitted to being single for years just because he was only interested in sexual relationship. He told me last night that he wants a relationship, but only with the right woman, and how he hasn't been in a place to allow himself to fall in love until recently (we both are expats and have relocated to new countries) since he now knows where he wants to live and is ready to settle down, if it's the right person. I guess his history of being the guy just interested in sex has made me freak out a little. His last serious relationship was 4 years ago. I'm mainly asking for 2 reasons. 1. I'm really trying to protect myself but I know that I need to open myself up at some point and not view him as a guy who is out to hurt me. It's hard for me to feel things if I keep having my guard up. When he told me he really liked me, I almost freaked out just cause I couldn't believe it. 2. His Mom is visiting from his home country for 4 weeks and will be staying with him and other folks. Basically he won't be able to see me for another couple of weeks (which works since I actually am completely busy for this entire week/upcoming weekend) which is making me realize I won't really have that extra time with him to figure out his true intentions until a couple of weeks from now. I'm not sure if there are more obvious signs that guys just are looking for a hookup or if it's something I just have to wait and see?
Ebelskiver Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 That's the age old question isn't it? I don't know what to tell you except that in my life waiting longer to have sex has worked in my favor. It gave me a chance to get to know the guy before taking that emotional and hormonal leap of faith. It definitely weeded out a few men who were only interested in sex and weren't willing to wait. But, a few jerks still make it past. What can you do? You have to lay your heart on the line. Be honest about what you want and believe what he tells you. I.e. if he says he doesn't want a serious relationship.....then he doesn't. But the more you spend time with him the better off you'll be. How does he treat his friends? How does he talk about other women? His exes? Is he rude to people he considers beneath him? All these are signs of his character. Is there a chance you could casually meet his family? Not as a gf but just as a friend. That's another clue. In the end, you just have to put your heart out there and hope it doesn't get broken. And if it does, you pick up the pieces and do it all over again. Every one is wrong until the one that is right. 2
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