kitkatleen Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 I guess many people will be flaming me here but I just wanna be honest about myself right here. I'm a demanding girlfriend, controlling & jealous as well. I've been treated like crap by previous boyfriends (emotional & almost physical abuse), was cheated on many times but stayed (dumb I know). This causes alot of insecurities and trust issue. I know it isn't fair to put it all on my current boyfriend but I've recently turned into someone I said I would never be. My insecurities is getting worse, I feel so weak. I threw a fit when he like his girl friends' picture on Instagram. I told him many times that it makes me insecure but he tells me that I'm wrong because they were friends way before me & he did not talk to her for years, just liking her photos some times. Am I over/reacting? I guess I am. All along in my relationships, I've been really manipulating. Also due to "revenging" on my exs for letting me down. It's a sick mindset, I feel happy to see them suffer. But this guy have never done any thing to me yet I'm still get so paranoid. I'm a person who would never admit my mistake & it's always someone else fault. But now I've been apologising and bowing down alot. Mainly because I feel it might be my fault? I start to learn to be less selfish. But it is making me feel weak. I Lost "power". I feel like I can't be who I use to be, controlling and manipulative. My guy got me on hold and it makes me feel really suffocated an wants to run away. I've always wanted a good guy who would tell me when I'm wrong and never cheats on me & so on... But why is it when I met such a guy, I'm often afraid? Im afraid to lose him but I feel like I'm giving him too much stress. I want to let him go but I also want to change myself for the better. He alway say he won't ever let me go and will be there to guide me when I do something stupid. I'm dumb ain't I? I failed to appreciate a nice guy. It's like I've been dealing with so many douchey guys that I'm lost. There's many times I pushed him away because I was afraid, I wouldn't believe someone could actually love me that much. What should I do? I'm sorry that I seems like the worst most horrible person ever but I'm trying to seek help and I don't know where to start. I love my guy & I know he does, that's why I want to become a better girlfriend. I appreciate all the advice given here, even if it's harsh!
CALOVELY Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 You are not dumb. You recognize that this is wrong, you want to change and you are willing to do that. What you need to do now is figure out an action plan. Would you consider counciling? It sounds like you have been through the ringer with broken trust and abuse. A trained professional could help you with your self esteem issues and coping mechanisms. 3
Awon Apanilerin Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 You are what they call a damaged or burned woman. However, you have hope because you have finally recognized your patterns and behavior and acknowledged them. Admitting your mistakes and bad behavior is the first step towards recovery. Good luck. 1
Author kitkatleen Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 Hi guys, thanks for the positive advice I'm not only damaged but I also have a "princess" attitude due to being spoilt by people around me & I'm just the bossy kind since young. I've always been popular and nobody tells me when I'm wrong.. My closest friends told me that I've finally met my match & he's a good choice for me as he knows how to "deal" with me. Honestly I felt my issues had been improving till recently. I've been dealing with alot of insecurities... Do you guys think I really need to seek professional help? Im not really well to do & I don't know how to go about it. Also I used to be bullied, that's why I turned into a bully and have been like this for 10 over years.. I hate to admit but I often push people away due to fear. I hurt people before they hurt me. I tried talking to some people but they are my "friends" and like to say nice things. The only person who would talk back to me is my boyfriend & strangely I only listens to him and nobody else. The fear of losing power also scares me but I think it's for the better? We had alot of fights recently but he have been forgiving me and being understanding. I just feel really bad. And also "relieved" when I thought he was breaking up with me. But he was at the hospital that's why he didn't respond to me & I got crazy again. But now we are fine, it was a misunderstanding. But I know I can't go on like this, I need to change.how can I become more confident in myself and stop making wild guesses?
lil hoodlum Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 I guess many people will be flaming me here but I just wanna be honest about myself right here. I'm a demanding girlfriend, controlling & jealous as well. I've been treated like crap by previous boyfriends (emotional & almost physical abuse), was cheated on many times but stayed (dumb I know). This causes alot of insecurities and trust issue. I know it isn't fair to put it all on my current boyfriend but I've recently turned into someone I said I would never be. My insecurities is getting worse, I feel so weak. I threw a fit when he like his girl friends' picture on Instagram. I told him many times that it makes me insecure but he tells me that I'm wrong because they were friends way before me & he did not talk to her for years, just liking her photos some times. Am I over/reacting? I guess I am. All along in my relationships, I've been really manipulating. Also due to "revenging" on my exs for letting me down. It's a sick mindset, I feel happy to see them suffer. But this guy have never done any thing to me yet I'm still get so paranoid. I'm a person who would never admit my mistake & it's always someone else fault. But now I've been apologising and bowing down alot. Mainly because I feel it might be my fault? I start to learn to be less selfish. But it is making me feel weak. I Lost "power". I feel like I can't be who I use to be, controlling and manipulative. My guy got me on hold and it makes me feel really suffocated an wants to run away. I've always wanted a good guy who would tell me when I'm wrong and never cheats on me & so on... But why is it when I met such a guy, I'm often afraid? Im afraid to lose him but I feel like I'm giving him too much stress. I want to let him go but I also want to change myself for the better. He alway say he won't ever let me go and will be there to guide me when I do something stupid. I'm dumb ain't I? I failed to appreciate a nice guy. It's like I've been dealing with so many douchey guys that I'm lost. There's many times I pushed him away because I was afraid, I wouldn't believe someone could actually love me that much. What should I do? I'm sorry that I seems like the worst most horrible person ever but I'm trying to seek help and I don't know where to start. I love my guy & I know he does, that's why I want to become a better girlfriend. I appreciate all the advice given here, even if it's harsh! No, you aren't dumb. It takes a lot of courage to look at yourself and be honest. Now that you have identified a few areas that you aren't happy about and want to change, you can. Just be patient with yourself. Self improvement is alot like learning how to ride a bike. You may fall down a few times and get mad at yourself when you do, but like with most things, with some practice you will get it right. And that is a good feeling.
Awon Apanilerin Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Hi guys, thanks for the positive advice I'm not only damaged but I also have a "princess" attitude due to being spoilt by people around me & I'm just the bossy kind since young. I've always been popular and nobody tells me when I'm wrong.. My closest friends told me that I've finally met my match & he's a good choice for me as he knows how to "deal" with me. Honestly I felt my issues had been improving till recently. I've been dealing with alot of insecurities... Do you guys think I really need to seek professional help? Im not really well to do & I don't know how to go about it. Also I used to be bullied, that's why I turned into a bully and have been like this for 10 over years.. I hate to admit but I often push people away due to fear. I hurt people before they hurt me. I tried talking to some people but they are my "friends" and like to say nice things. The only person who would talk back to me is my boyfriend & strangely I only listens to him and nobody else. The fear of losing power also scares me but I think it's for the better? We had alot of fights recently but he have been forgiving me and being understanding. I just feel really bad. And also "relieved" when I thought he was breaking up with me. But he was at the hospital that's why he didn't respond to me & I got crazy again. But now we are fine, it was a misunderstanding. But I know I can't go on like this, I need to change.how can I become more confident in myself and stop making wild guesses? I don't think you need to see a "professional". It is possible to self heal. There are a lot of articles and blogs about your types of behavior all over the internet. Personally, I wouldn't waste money visiting a shrink. They're all crooks to me. Just google entitlement issues, female relationship insecurity, BPD traits etc. You will find loads of self help articles that will help set you on your path to recovery. Finally, you're not losing any "power". Don't be silly. You never had any power because you always determined your worth externally. If someone didn't value you like you thought they should, you got sad or angry or upset. That's not true power. True power comes from being able to master one's own inner domain. Until then, you're just a petty slave to the emotions and feelings of others around you.
Blade96 Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 if you feel comfortable maybe tell him a little about your past maybe let him know why you do this. It's not an excuse to be a jerk, but experiences can turn even a nice soul into a jerk. (I am an abuse survivor, I have many trust issues too so I know this). And maybe ask for help a little. You don't seem like a jerk. Just a wounded spirit that needs healing.
Mrin Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 I am going to respectfully disagree with Awon and suggest that you should see a professional. I don't think you have to but let's look at this differently. Suppose you were out of shape and overweight and wanted to change that. Could you do it on your own? Sure. But wouldn't it make more sense to go get a couple of sessions with a personal trainer. Let's say you were really inflexible and disconnected energetically and wanted to do yoga. Could you watch a bunch of YouTube videos and read some books? Sure. But wouldn't it be wiser to go to a few yoga sessions? All I am saying is that you've reached an amazing tipping point in your life where you want to fundamentally change who you are. Like really want to change. That in an of itself is a feat many struggle to ever achieve. Now that you have decided to change who you are I think it is only wise to involve someone else who can assist you and help give you some tools to do so. Best of luck!
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