CalmandCarryOn Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Reached out to a girl I'm interested in and wanting to get to know her more. She replied: "I have really enjoyed our conversation and really admire you as well with everything you are doing with your projects. I would definitely like to keep in touch with you this semester and hear how everything is going, but just as friends. Sorry I had to say this to you over a text. I hope you have a great weekend." ....
Ducktape Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Not sure what you don't understand in her perfectly worded message. She likes you as a friend and doesn't want to lead you on, she doesn't see you suitable for further romantic endeavours. She's not attracted. 3
Light Breeze Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 She's not into you. She just wants to be friends. Take it at face value. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 She doesn't want to date you. That was about as clear as you can get without literally saying "I don't want to date you". 2
Invictus01 Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 She wants you to be her girlfriend. Don't stick around for that.
EgoJoe Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 There are two ways to look at this. A clear cut case of, "Let's just be friends." Or, "I like you as a person but I'm not quite interested enough to date you." Respond with, "While I'm flattered that despite your lack of interest you thought enough of me to tell me directly. I'm not interested in being friends with you. I had hoped to take you out a couple times and see what happened. The alternative does not appeal. Take care and thanks again." Post in the dating forum about her responses before you respond.
Chin Up Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Translation: "You're a nice guy and all, and while I'm not opposed to bit of chit-chat once in a blue moon, I'm not interested in it going anywhere past friends. I feel bad saying this over text, but ..not really. ttfn." I'd just keep it simple and light and say "No worries, have a good one!" and shuffle on. Water off a ducks back. 2
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 Translation: "You're a nice guy and all, and while I'm not opposed to bit of chit-chat once in a blue moon, I'm not interested in it going anywhere past friends. I feel bad saying this over text, but ..not really. ttfn." I'd just keep it simple and light and say "No worries, have a good one!" and shuffle on. Water off a ducks back. I didn't respond. Then tonight I was in our student coffee shop and she walked by and came up to me asking a (legitimate question). I answered and then she asked how my weekend was going, and if I got her message? I told her I did and she replied she was sorry again that she had to tell me in a text, but that she would love to still talk this semester and hear updates on my work (- I'm working on a non-profit fighting human trafficking). WHAT GIVES??? Why not just leave me alone and not talk to me again, instead of acting like things are cool, you know?
towardthefuture Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 I didn't respond. Then tonight I was in our student coffee shop and she walked by and came up to me asking a (legitimate question). I answered and then she asked how my weekend was going, and if I got her message? I told her I did and she replied she was sorry again that she had to tell me in a text, but that she would love to still talk this semester and hear updates on my work (- I'm working on a non-profit fighting human trafficking). WHAT GIVES??? Why not just leave me alone and not talk to me again, instead of acting like things are cool, you know? You could try pushing her out of a moving car. Seriously though you should just get really cold whenever she talks to you and say something like, "I have no interest in being friends. Please give me space."
Chin Up Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 She's just being friendly. You've been friend zoned. It's confusing because you want more from her, so you're trying to see hints of something more meaningful from her. As an outsider, I see nothing confusing about her comments/actions towards you..she's treating you as a friend. I think being friends with an unreciprocated crush can be just as confusing and crappy as being friends with an ex. Way too easy to read into things, make meaning out of nothing, and silently hurt over them while they're happily oblivious. booo! She's already told you twice she only wants friendship from you, it's your call if you're ok with that. Maybe it's best to avoid her as much as possible until your feelings for her die down?
Ebelskiver Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Jeez, you just can't make men happy. You try for the slow fade and they whine about why you aren't direct. You're direct and they whine about why you didn't give them the slow fade. I see no reaon to be snarky with her or not at least be friendly, if not friends. The way I think of it, it is statistically impossible for everyone I'm attracted to to also be attracted to me. It's simple math. Don't be a jerk about it. There will be women who want to date you that you aren't interested in too. Would you want them to suddenly start acting all wounded and snarky towards you just because you don't want to date them? NO. Golden rule folks. 2
BlueIris Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Jeez, you just can't make men happy. You try for the slow fade and they whine about why you aren't direct. You're direct and they whine about why you didn't give them the slow fade. I see no reaon to be snarky with her or not at least be friendly, if not friends. The way I think of it, it is statistically impossible for everyone I'm attracted to to also be attracted to me. It's simple math. Don't be a jerk about it. There will be women who want to date you that you aren't interested in too. Would you want them to suddenly start acting all wounded and snarky towards you just because you don't want to date them? NO. Golden rule folks. That's right. And to spell it out in terms of self-interest, for other posters if not for OP: Be friendly to her, just as you would be with any fellow student of your own gender. One day you will be in the work world and your fellow students will be your colleagues and connections. People remember who was a jerk and who was collegial, mature, pleasant- for a very very long time. 1
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 That's right. And to spell it out in terms of self-interest, for other posters if not for OP: Be friendly to her, just as you would be with any fellow student of your own gender. One day you will be in the work world and your fellow students will be your colleagues and connections. People remember who was a jerk and who was collegial, mature, pleasant- for a very very long time. No - I'm not and would never start treating her crappy. I just need space so my emotions can die down towards her, you know? If she wants to pursue just a friendship - I respect that. But it's hard when I still have feelings for her to just automatically "turn off" those feelings.
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 That's right. And to spell it out in terms of self-interest, for other posters if not for OP: Be friendly to her, just as you would be with any fellow student of your own gender. One day you will be in the work world and your fellow students will be your colleagues and connections. People remember who was a jerk and who was collegial, mature, pleasant- for a very very long time. I was working in my student center today and she passed me with one of her friends. I was busy in my work and then looked up after she had passed my table and she was slowing down looking back and waving hi. What.the.heck. Am I being teased by her?
JustDeadInside Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I was working in my student center today and she passed me with one of her friends. I was busy in my work and then looked up after she had passed my table and she was slowing down looking back and waving hi. What.the.heck. Am I being teased by her? I'm sorry Calm. It sucks and is so hurtful when people do things that aren't logical to us. I personally wouldn't go out of my way to be in contact like that with someone I knew I didn't have feelings for. I would feel like it would be awkward and like I was just leading them on. It's my opinion that at best she is insensitive. I think you should be direct with her, just like she had no qualms about being direct with you. 1
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 I'm sorry Calm. It sucks and is so hurtful when people do things that aren't logical to us. I personally wouldn't go out of my way to be in contact like that with someone I knew I didn't have feelings for. I would feel like it would be awkward and like I was just leading them on. It's my opinion that at best she is insensitive. I think you should be direct with her, just like she had no qualms about being direct with you. Yeah - it makes no sense at all.
elaine567 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 You didn't date, this is not a break up. You were no more than friends and you are still no more than friends. She is being friendly, why can you not deal with that? Are all women just potential dating material/sexual partners and if they say no, they are consigned to the bin???? She was very clear in what she said, she is still being very clear, why are you getting hung up on her? 1
mightycpa Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Dear Calm, your caveman brain isn't processing this too well, is it? I'll make is as easy as I can: You can be a friend, but don't ask me out. So, this sounds like bad news, but it isn't. If you are the nice, funloving and cool to be around guy that she is willing to let you show her, then she could be a limitless source of future dates from her friends. But to make that happen You should be a friend, but don't ask her out. 1
Ducktape Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 What the hell. She just waved hello. That's all. I don't know why you insist on playing the victim in this story and trying to paint her as a bad person. 2
Kinetica84 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Reached out to a girl I'm interested in and wanting to get to know her more. She replied: "I have really enjoyed our conversation and really admire you as well with everything you are doing with your projects. I would definitely like to keep in touch with you this semester and hear how everything is going, but just as friends. Sorry I had to say this to you over a text. I hope you have a great weekend." .... Friend zone dude and there is no escape from it. Don't over think it. Just move and give your attention to a girl who wants it.
Diezel Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 She's just being friendly. Human beings do have the capacity to be friendly, from time to time. 1
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 What the hell. She just waved hello. That's all. I don't know why you insist on playing the victim in this story and trying to paint her as a bad person. I align more with above user's point: "I'm sorry Calm. It sucks and is so hurtful when people do things that aren't logical to us. I personally wouldn't go out of my way to be in contact like that with someone I knew I didn't have feelings for. I would feel like it would be awkward and like I was just leading them on. It's my opinion that at best she is insensitive. I think you should be direct with her, just like she had no qualms about being direct with you."
Ducktape Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 But why should she go out of her way to accommodate you? From what you wrote, you had one conversation with her, and then you wanted more from her. She pro actively told you she's not looking for more than friendship with you. That is all. No romance was involved or anything. Why is it now rude, hurtful, inconsiderate and insensitive that she waved hello when she passed by? And what if she passed by and ignored you? What would you have thought? "What a rude, hurtful, inconsiderate and insensitive girl! Claiming she wants to be friends and then not even capable to say hello when she sees me!" ??
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 But why should she go out of her way to accommodate you? From what you wrote, you had one conversation with her, and then you wanted more from her. She pro actively told you she's not looking for more than friendship with you. That is all. No romance was involved or anything. Why is it now rude, hurtful, inconsiderate and insensitive that she waved hello when she passed by? And what if she passed by and ignored you? What would you have thought? "What a rude, hurtful, inconsiderate and insensitive girl! Claiming she wants to be friends and then not even capable to say hello when she sees me!" ?? I'm still attracted to her. Being friends won't kill that feeling. I need time away from her.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I'm still attracted to her. Being friends won't kill that feeling. I need time away from her. Then don't wave back or acknowledge it.
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