Lear Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I've been occasionally using drugs in the last few years, for recreational purposes mainly. It's far from being a regular thing, I'd say I do it maybe every three months, sometimes less. I've been with my boyfriend for three months and I haven't taken anything during that time. He doesn't know about me using, not because I lied to him but simply because he never asked. He is strictly against any kind of drug apart from alcohol. I think he doesn't mind too much when people get high every now and then but harder drugs are something he cannot tolerate at all. I think that he doesn't know much about this topic and that it doesn't have any influence at all on our relationship if I get high every now and then. I wouldn't tell him and it is very unlikely that he would ever find out. On the other hand I don't like being dishonest and I would feel bad if I did this behind my boyfriend's back. The alternative would be talking to him. I'm afraid he would break up with me if I told him. I never really questioned myself doing this because I've never had any bad experience and before I met my boyfriend I'd been single for over two years, so there was no one I'd have to confess anything to. I think I need some advice on how to handle this. :/
SomeDude16 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 What kind of drugs are we talking about?? I'd say it makes a difference 2
amaysngrace Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 You have sex with boys and girls? Not that it matters...just wondering because I read your past posts. I suggest you get off the drugs. It seems like it's on your mind a lot.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 This is a sticky situation, people have all kinds of boundaries for this. I personally have a lighter look on certain drugs, but the dishonesty is a twist. For your own conscious, I would tell him the truth, But don't be surprised if he asks you to choose!
Author Lear Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) @amaysngrace I'm bi. But I don't see how this has anything to do with the topic? From my personal perspective it would seem best to tell him. I'm unsure though because past experiences have given me the impression that some things should better not be talked about just for the sake of being honest. I want to talk to him, to get this off my chest mostly, but I'm scared it might put a strain on our relationship. We're happy and I don't want to take that away. I don't want to disappoint him. Not really the topic, but: I'm so ****ing tired of this happening again and again. People have this certain picture of me in their head and tell me how much they like me and then I'm honest for once and tell them things about me they hadn't anticipated and then they're disappointed in me and tell me that this is so unlike me. I hate this so much and I see it happening again. I have never argued with my boyfriend before and after questioning he told me that the only things he didn't like that much about me were that I'm not really good at stating what I want and that I never answer my phone. He seems to have this picture of me where everything I do is good and there is nothing about me that he has a problem with. What if he finds out that I've been doing one of the things he resents most? I don't know if it wouldn't be best to just keep quiet. But I don't think I can do that. Edited January 17, 2015 by Lear
mrs rubble Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 I dumped a bf a few years back over drug use. He knew I hated anything to do with hard drugs, weed I'm ok with, but other stuff- NO WAY! He'd had a history of meth use so I emphasized this before I got involved and he swore he was clean. He wasn't though. He kept it quiet from me, and tried to hide it, but I noticed his money disappearing, him staying up all night for a few days, then flying into a rage after that...all classic signs of meth use. I eventually questioned him one night about it and he confessed to using, so I dumped him. So disappointing. If your bf is anything like me, the only way to keep him is to be honest and clean. 2
bubbaganoosh Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 @amaysngrace I'm bi. But I don't see how this has anything to do with the topic? From my personal perspective it would seem best to tell him. I'm unsure though because past experiences have given me the impression that some things should better not be talked about just for the sake of being honest. I want to talk to him, to get this off my chest mostly, but I'm scared it might put a strain on our relationship. We're happy and I don't want to take that away. I don't want to disappoint him. Not really the topic, but: I'm so ****ing tired of this happening again and again. People have this certain picture of me in their head and tell me how much they like me and then I'm honest for once and tell them things about me they hadn't anticipated and then they're disappointed in me and tell me that this is so unlike me. I hate this so much and I see it happening again. I have never argued with my boyfriend before and after questioning he told me that the only things he didn't like that much about me were that I'm not really good at stating what I want and that I never answer my phone. He seems to have this picture of me where everything I do is good and there is nothing about me that he has a problem with. What if he finds out that I've been doing one of the things he resents most? I don't know if it wouldn't be best to just keep quiet. But I don't think I can do that. Maybe because your not being honest with him. Now as I understand, it's only three months, but three months become six and then a year then two and by then you both have invested a lot in each other and what happens if he finds out later on when he's fallen in love with you and and finds out that your not what he thought you were. Just for the hell of it, put yourself in his shoes and see how you would like it if he with held something like this to you. Think you could just say "Oh well?" It's one thing to smoke a joint. It's completely another to be abusing a controlled substance. I'll bet the house that your one of those that believe that it's the other guy who gets all wired out on prescription drugs when you take them just for the fun of it. WRONG! I come from a family that had drug problems. A sister is dead from overdose and went so far as to hide her pills in her rolls of fat on her stomach when she was in the hospital. Oh she got away with it but two years later she was found under water in her bath tub from drugs. Her son blew his heart out on meth and he was in his early 40's. Both had the same mindset. A little here, a little there and they'll never get hooked. Have a niece that was hooked on heroine. Oh she's alive but can't make it through the week without her methadone. She had the same way of thinking. Sorry for the rant but someone needed to tell you and not sugar coat it. Your asking for a bunch of trouble so my advice to you is grow the hell up and use the God given common sense you were blessed with before it's too late. Either that, or let this guy go find someone a lot more trustworthy. 2
SomeDude16 Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Weed and MDMA. I personally can't interact with anyone who uses drugs due to my line of work but id say society in general is and is becoming more accepting of Weed. However MDMA halas a pretty negative perception and I'd imagine it would be the point of contention more then the weed. You have got to tell him though, the sooner the better. If it unfortunately doesn't work out it will be easier to end and accept then say 10 months when he finds out on his own.... 1
amaysngrace Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 You really have to tell him even if it means risking the happiness you're both having right now. If you care about him you'll be honest since you know he is dead-set against them. A good relationship is based on trust and honesty and you deserve to have those things in your relationship and so does he. Otherwise you're pretending to be somebody you're not and aren't loved for who you really are. 4
Gloria25 Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 @amaysngrace I'm bi. But I don't see how this has anything to do with the topic? From my personal perspective it would seem best to tell him. I'm unsure though because past experiences have given me the impression that some things should better not be talked about just for the sake of being honest. I want to talk to him, to get this off my chest mostly, but I'm scared it might put a strain on our relationship. We're happy and I don't want to take that away. I don't want to disappoint him. Not really the topic, but: I'm so ****ing tired of this happening again and again. People have this certain picture of me in their head and tell me how much they like me and then I'm honest for once and tell them things about me they hadn't anticipated and then they're disappointed in me and tell me that this is so unlike me. I hate this so much and I see it happening again. I have never argued with my boyfriend before and after questioning he told me that the only things he didn't like that much about me were that I'm not really good at stating what I want and that I never answer my phone. He seems to have this picture of me where everything I do is good and there is nothing about me that he has a problem with. What if he finds out that I've been doing one of the things he resents most? I don't know if it wouldn't be best to just keep quiet. But I don't think I can do that. Well, if you have several people turning you down for certain things about you, maybe it's a sign that you need to make some changes in your in your life. I mean, I don't get why people are so adamant about weed and/or recreational drugs being so "ok". I just don't see weed as alcohol. Yes, if you abuse drugs and/or alcohol it's bad and weed - like alcohol - does have medicinal uses, but the long term effects, IMO, outweigh the benefits. I would like the person I'm dating to let me know, cuz drug use is a serious issue that you can't take it upon yourself to decide for me whether or not its a dealbreaker. I believe someone you're dating doesn't have a right to know "everything" about you and your past, present, future - UNLESS it can impact the RL. Cuz while you may think you have a handle on your drug use, the other person has a right to know. Weed is a gateway drug...I've seen people I know escalate to harder drugs and lose everything....it's just a matter of time. I also know of people who used hard drugs for a long time and while they didn't die or lose everything, they went no where with their lives. Also, cuz of what I do for a living, I cannot be associated with drug use/users.. So again, cuz of all the implications involved in drug use, IMO, there is an obligation to tell the person you're dating will be impacted by your use. 1
Gloria25 Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 BTW, I feel ya about not wanting to reveal the real "you"...cuz I have things about myself that I believe are a turn off (I'm stoic, very independent)...but, you can't hide who you are for ever...the more time they spend with you, it'll come out.. Another reason why I prefer FWBs/casual situations...cuz the less they see of me, the better, IMO.
Radu Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Weed and MDMA. Every 3months or so ? Yeah not a big problem but you should keep it from him ... depends how serious the relationship is.
Light Breeze Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 OP, are you willing to completely stop doing drugs for your boyfriend's sake? If yes, be honest about your past drug use and tell him you're willing to stop it for his sake. If no, then still be honest and let him decide whether to accept you the way you are or not. The key here is being honest to be fair to both you and him.
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