Redhead14 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 (edited) I remember a scientific study a number of years back -- wish I could find it -- that claimed that women feel comfortable, typically (half of all women) after knowing a guy for 6 mos. -- whereas for men the time is 1 week! I wonder if this is still true -- I doubt that human nature has changed that much even in 10 or 20 years -- but it seems to me women are willing to "put out" faster than they used to be. I remember the first time I did it I wanted to after a week for sure, she was much less willing. Finally we did it after 2 and half months or so -- I guess we kind of split the difference! -- she knew I was getting antsy and thinking of just moving on. Any thoughts on how long women and men would like to wait (ideally)? Strong, secure, confident woman do not put out fast. They do it when they are comfortable enough to do so. A woman who sleeps with a man early in dating scenario and then pulls back, is probably not clear in her head about what she wants out of her dating experiences. And, if she decided she was going to start having sex with him again simply because she knew he was getting antsy, is using sex as a weapon or tool of manipulation. If she does it because he's antsy and doing that because she's afraid of him going away and really didn't want to, is compromising herself and her desires for a lasting relationship, if that's what she wants. In order to let a relationship grow to it's natural course of development (whether it actually becomes a relationship or ends), it is wise to wait until you know the other person enough to know whether or not the significant elements for a relationship actually exist. Sex should enhance it, not be the contingency. I say at least a month to two of quality dating and time. Sex and the emotions attached to it cloud the ability to see the person on a deeper level. When it happens early and the cloud begins to fade, there is more hurt involved than really should happen so early in a dating scenario. It's about managing expectations and minimizing hurt. Edited January 20, 2015 by Redhead14
clevelander321 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I would guess she is dating a few people at the same time, so she does not want to sleep with all of them. And yes, being a guy sometimes you can't win.. If you are patient, and waiting, and understanding then often times you are friend zoned and not assertive enough. Women like those alpha men types.. If you are too forward and pressuring you are a jerk. 1
mysteryscape Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Strong, secure, confident woman do not put out fast. They do it when they are comfortable enough to do so. You think the 6 month figure from the study is typical? Meaning at the median or 50% level? Or does putting a number on it sound too clinical? Remember, I'm talking about what claimed to be a scientific survey.
Redhead14 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 (edited) You think the 6 month figure from the study is typical? Meaning at the median or 50% level? Or does putting a number on it sound too clinical? Remember, I'm talking about what claimed to be a scientific survey. Scientific surveys are about what the general population is doing and saying. The surveys are contaminated by people who may not be being honest in their responses and so the results are skewed. There is probably a significant number of women who slept with men on the first date numerous times who answered the question regarding how soon they slept with someone with a not so honest answer, even if the survey is anonymous. They aren't being honest with themselves likely about it. Typical? Probably not. It's such an individual thing. It doesn't matter what's typical. Each couple is different and each person is different. You just need to know what each one wants. In addition, given the number of people who are single and struggling with dating, it appears that they are following or trying to figure out a strategy for themselves based on a myriad of opinions and ideas. What is important, is to establish a guideline/basis for yourself as an individual and stick to them. Be consistent in your approach and expectations. Be clear about your dating goals in your own head and with whomever you're dating and make sure you are on the same page fairly early with new dating partners. I might sleep with a man after a month, if I'd had quality conversations with him that included what we both wanted and expected in our dating experiences and at least declared exclusivity. But typically it would be more like three or four months for me and if I knew that other significant elements exist between us to garner a quality, lasting relationship. There are never any guarantees, but having some basics in place for yourself helps manage and eliminates some of the confusion and anxiety that happens in a dating scenario. Edited January 20, 2015 by Redhead14
Phoe Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I don't have sex outside of exclusive relationships. I won't have sex while "dating" and won't have one night stands, hookups, or FWB's. She may be similar to me.
Recommended Posts