newby Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 jeez alpha, what makes the "proper woman"? just that she is willing?
alphamale Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 Originally posted by newby jeez alpha, what makes the "proper woman"? just that she is willing? actually the "proper" woman is one who is willing but waits to have sex and makes the man work to get it. it makes her more valuable and also tells the man that she just won't sleep with anyone at the drop of a hat.
blind_otter Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale actually the "proper" woman is one who is willing but waits to have sex and makes the man work to get it. it makes her more valuable and also tells the man that she just won't sleep with anyone at the drop of a hat. You know, ALPHAMALE ( ), sometimes your responses give great insight into the male mind. I was bitching to Sgt. Bosco about how I am not like most women and he was like, no, but you are a woman. The comment made me think of you.
Bubbles Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 Well then the old saying is correct? If you want to marry a virgin? Leave one on the face of the earth! So you guys all want to be with a "good girl" is that right? Then do you agree that we women should be more "adventurous" or not? I'm getting confused.
alphamale Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 Originally posted by Bubbles So you guys all want to be with a "good girl" is that right? Then do you agree that we women should be more "adventurous" or not? if a woman offers me sex on the first date I most likely will not refuse because I like sex. But I will not respect her in the morning becasue I now know that if she has casual sex with me then she will have it with other men. the woman that get my respect are the ones who make me wait and work to get it. almost every time where I had sex on the 1st or 2nd date the relationship just turned into a casual sex thing for a few months.
newby Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 because men can very easily seperate sex and their emotions. with the proper woman who we have no feeling for we can easily have sex with her forever if she is willing. QUOTE BY ALPHA are you talking about this proper woman? or are you now talking about the proper woman to marry?
alphamale Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 Originally posted by newby because men can very easily seperate sex and their emotions. with the proper woman who we have no feeling for we can easily have sex with her forever if she is willing. QUOTE BY ALPHA are you talking about this proper woman? or are you now talking about the proper woman to marry? in the quote above "proper" means a woman who likes or loves the man but who the man has no feelings for except for sexually.
newby Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 in the quote above "proper" means a woman who likes or loves the man but who the man has no feelings for except for sexually.QUOTE BY ALPHA yes yes i know that, quote:Originally posted by newby jeez alpha, what makes the "proper woman"? just that she is willing? actually the "proper" woman is one who is willing but waits to have sex and makes the man work to get it. it makes her more valuable and also tells the man that she just won't sleep with anyone at the drop of a hat.QUOTE BY ALPHA but then you go on to talk about the same proper woman?or proper woman to marry? i find this all abit old fashioned, actually i have started alot of relationships with men where i slept with them right off or at least definetly not played hard to get and had very successful relationships with them for a long time, and they fell in love with me and wanted to marry me, it was me that ended it on all 3 occasions
blind_otter Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 Originally posted by newby actually the "proper" woman is one who is willing but waits to have sex and makes the man work to get it. actually i have started alot of relationships with men where i slept with them right off or at least definetly not played hard to get and had very successful relationships with them for a long time, and they fell in love with me and wanted to marry me, it was me that ended it on all 3 occasions I also had 2 longterm relationships with guys who I slept with right away. I was the one who ended both relationships, but in retrospect I think that they were unhealthy and unbalanced, partly because we developed a physical attachment and an attraction based on that attachment, early on in the relationship. My Dad always said that anything worth having is worth fighting for. In the end of those relationships, I never wanted to fight for it, nor did my partners. I wonder sometimes if I hadn't slept with them early on, if that would change anything. As I get older, the more I agree with that traditional view that it is better to wait to get intimate with someone you really care about....
newby Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 hmmmm, yes perhaps you are right blind otter, well theres only one way to find out!
WithOrWithoutYou Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 I don't think many people can have sex with someone over an extended period of time without there being at least some emotional involvement, and I think that is true of men as well as women. I know that I can't. That said, there are different kinds of emotional involvement. I don't think it is necessary to be madly in love and sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, but even between FWBs, I think there is always some kind of emotional involvement (even if it is just a really close friendship - I DO believe "friend with benefits" can be good under the right circumstances, but if you try to take the friendship out of it, and not acknolwedge any emotional involvement at all, I think we are just kidding ourselves). Still, there is nothing like having a very close emotional connection with someone who is so much more than a good friend, since "making love" is so much better than just "having sex" (and yeah, even though the latter also involves an emotional connection if it is over an extended period, there is a big difference).
newby Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 thanks withorwithoutyou i guess its just some men, not all men
Lucky Dog Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by newby how can men have sex without getting emotionally involved? Men are emotionally involved...with their penises!
RecordProducer Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 One of the differences I've noticed between men and women when it comes to casual sex is that women are more aware that it sucks. Men use women for masturbation; instead of doing it by themselves, they do it with women. The few one-night stands I had in the past found that experience totally unsatisfying and non-enjoyable. I could tell by their body language and the signs they gave me. They felt just as bad as I did. The other difference is the same one that makes women feel harassed if a strange guy touches them, while men generally feel flattered if a woman touches them. A woman used for sex feels almost as if she was raped. A man has no negative feelings related to it. It probably origins from the fact that women deliver babies so they had to be careful about who they had sex with (talking about genetically encoded behavior transmitted through human evolution). Men didn't need to be careful as they had nothing to do with the babies for millenniums before civilization took place in the history. Finally, why does a woman always think about commitment and in most cases won't even start anything unless chances for something serious exist? Because guys are independent by nature. They value their space, time, money, and freedom greatly and reluctantly accept the idea of sharing all that with other people. Askmen.com is a fun site where you can get a clue of how men think, if you're a woman. Some of the advice being given there to men are: how to date beautiful women, how to easily drag women into bed, which women are easiest for sex, and various subjects referring to how to get laid with as many women as possible. That site is an online magazine for men and the articles posted there represent what men want to read about.
Soulfully Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 hehehe.... yes...askmen.com is an interesting site. But, like most things you read, please don't take it too seriously. Though such site does have some interesting points to offer, I find most of it pretty hilarious. Yes indeed...all guys want to be playas! And if you want to become a playa..... read askmen! Wonderful! All these women-focused media, men-focused media! Even though a lot of them seem to hold apparent universal behavioural traits about the sexes, I can't help but visualise my childhood memories in the playground when I come across them! Oh beautiful kiss-catch games! Anyways, sorry for a non-intentional thread hijack. Just had to make a personal point on such sites. Peace 1
moimeme Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Sex and sexual activity trigger the release of 'bonding' chemicals. Studies have shown that people have varying levels of those chemicals but that women are more susceptible. The same bonding chemical released by sex is the one that is released when a woman delivers a baby, and which bonds her to her baby. So if you have sex with someone whose bonding chemicals aren't set off by the sex, he'll be more likely to move on afterwards, depending on his personal values and life outlook. IMHO, if you're female and subject to the effects of that chemical, then having sex casually will doom you to falling for all the wrong people since the bonding chemical doesn't care what sort of person you're bonding with. If you don't want to spend years pining after all the wrong people, my advice would be to avoid sex with people you aren't in a relationship with.
newby Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 thankyou everyone, very informative posts. that is so true record producer about how women feel. i spoke to a guy once who said the reason men loved one night stands so much was that the whole ego thing from being able to sleep with somebody and not get hooked not get caught by her, that was such a great feeling! cant imagine it myself! interesting what you say about 'bonding chemicals' moimeme.
moimeme Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 interesting what you say about 'bonding chemicals' moimeme. Here's one link. At the bottom left of the article are other links to information from studies about this stuff. http://www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/
faux Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by newby how can men have sex without getting emotionally involved? or rather how can they have sex if they are not emotionally involved consistently for a long period of time? is this all men? How can some women have sex without becoming emotionally involved? More importantly, how are they able to have sex if they are not emotionally involved for a long period of time? Are all women like this? Some people can do the non-committal thing quite easily. I do not know why. Those of us who cannot do the non-committal thing will most likely never be able to understand why.
shamen Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 I have had sex with many people that I've had absolutely no intention of getting emotionally involved with and I'm a woman. I'll never forget this one one night stand about seven years ago; he wanted my number the next morning and I asked him why... He was obviously hurt by this (the sex was really incredible though), but at the time I just wasn't interested in getting involved with someone new. Sex with strangers was easy and fun. Admittedly, that was something I did a lot more of in my early 20s... I'm in my mid 30s now and I've only had one one night stand in the last 7 years. Definitely weirder than it was back then, not too interested in doing it now. It's much more fun now to sleep with someone that I have at least some real opinion of. It makes it a lot more interesting. I agree with faux. Some people are just able to separate the emotions from the sex much more easily than others. And sometimes those people who can separate them grow out of it; sometimes they don't.
alphamale Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by shamen I'll never forget this one one night stand about seven years ago; he wanted my number the next morning and I asked him why... I did this once. After a ONS with this woman I asked for her # and she gave me this wierd look like "WTF??" Anyways, she gave me her # but I never called her. Then I ran into her a couple yrs later and had another ONS with her. I think had i called her after the 1st ONS the 2nd ONS would never have happened! I'm in my mid 30s now and I've only had one one night stand in the last 7 years. Definitely weirder than it was back then, not too interested in doing it now. why is that SHAMEN? is it cause now you are older and wiser and know that much more is at stake with casual sex? I agree with faux. Some people are just able to separate the emotions from the sex much more easily than others. There are many more men than women who can seperate sex and their emotions.
shamen Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I did this once. After a ONS with this woman I asked for her # and she gave me this wierd look like "WTF??" Anyways, she gave me her # but I never called her. Then I ran into her a couple yrs later and had another ONS with her. I think had i called her after the 1st ONS the 2nd ONS would never have happened! why is that SHAMEN? is it cause now you are older and wiser and know that much more is at stake with casual sex? There are many more men than women who can seperate sex and their emotions. It's funny that you mention that you ran into that girl later... I ran into that guy probably a year or two later and he was married. I guess he was ready for a long term relationship. The reason that I've only had one one night stand in the last 7 years has a lot to do with the fact that I was in two long term relationships (one for 2 years and the other for 4). I slept with one guy last summer, in between break ups with the last ex and I'm "dating" someone new now. I don't know that it's because I'm older and wiser now exactly, it's just that I'm a lot more comfortable with myself, I guess. I don't feel the need to "go get laid" like I did. Sometimes I wonder if that's all connected to my date rape (that need to go get laid), but that's a whole different thread. Regardless, to a degree, there is more at stake now. It's not really that I want to get married either (I've been asked 4 times and said no every time); I'm more of a serial monogamist. What's more at stake now is the fact that I want to stay comfortable and true to myself and now that trueness is sleeping with someone that I care about. I agree, Alpha, that there are more men who can separate sex from their emotions, but there are indeed women who can do it too.
newby Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 i wasnt really talking about one night stands, it is easy enough to do it for one night, depending on how in control you feel of this situation, if it really is a choice of yours to just do one night etc. i was talking more about a long term sexual relationship, i could not consistently have sex with somebody and feel really attracted to them without other feelings being in play. it seems that men can do this more than women.
blind_otter Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by newby i wasnt really talking about one night stands, it is easy enough to do it for one night, depending on how in control you feel of this situation, if it really is a choice of yours to just do one night etc. i was talking more about a long term sexual relationship, i could not consistently have sex with somebody and feel really attracted to them without other feelings being in play. it seems that men can do this more than women. I think that women who have had bad experiences, sexually, tend to learn how to separate emotions from sex as a matter of course. It's a survival mechasnism. If I thought about sex as a sacred experience, it would be impossible for me to deal with having sex at all. I would have to cope with the knowledge that I had been violated in a truely despicable manner (when I was raped). But it's entirely possible to feel sexually attracted to someone but totally unattracted to their intellect or personality. I don't know about comparing being sexually used to being raped, RecordProducer. They are two mutually exclusive things. Having dealt with this issue for so long, I feel very strongly about it. Rape is a crippling thing to cope with. Having a bad ONS on the other hand, doesn't require years and years of therapy and certainly isn't usually a memory that is supressed or anything like that.
alphamale Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I think that women who have had bad experiences, sexually, tend to learn how to separate emotions from sex as a matter of course. It's a survival mechasnism. The more sex you have with a larger # of partners the more I would think you could disassociate sex with emotions.
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