sfisk2 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I have dated the same guy since I was 16. We have a 2 year old and live together. I never insult him or pick on him about his flaws. He calls me stupid and a whore a lot. He tells me I need to get educated. I can't take the name calling anymore it feels as if he is picking pieces off my soul each time. I'm a full time student and a full time mom. I have 3 more years in school to be a pharmacist. I know I'm smart. I'll give you an example of today. His cousin has fake boobs. Fake hair. Fake nails. Botox in her lips and her butt. She had posted a photo on facebook in a bra and underwear. I seen it and said "did you know she got botox in her lips"? He said "no". I said "it looks to fake". He exploded. " you stupid ass look up the definition fake and you will see she's not fake". "You shouldn't say anything to me if your going to sound like a stupid whore". The past 9 months it's been down hill. I'm pretty. I am always loving. I'm forgiving. Idk what I do all the time to set him off. We we were playing a video game minecraft yesterday. I stepped in front of him in the game and his character hit me. He called me a bitch in front of his brothers and was saying "if you can't stop being such a **** up I'm going to take the ps4 away". Idk what to do. I've tried talking to him. Nobody stands up for me either.
Winterina Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 That sounds like a straightforward case of emotional abuse. He does not show any respect for you and tries to put you down all the time. And you have a kid that has to witness all of that. Think about how it will all reflect on him or her. You are SO young. Do you have mum or someone to rely on? If you do, make sure they know about this. If you have a dad or older brother that would protect you tell him about it. He might want to have a man to man chat with your ahole of a partner. Stay in school and get your diploma, and if things do not improve, take your kid and get the hell out of there. And do not make a mistake of having another kid with that guy. He sounds violent. Calling a mum of your kid a whore is something very very indicative and serious.
Dontfindme Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Holy wow, this guy does not respect you AT ALL. WHY in the world are you still with him, OP? Your child is being exposed to this awful man- if he's disrespecting you in front of others, what about in front of your kid? This is really, really awful. None of you guys need to be exposed to this. I'd ditch the guy. Pharmacy school isn't easy, and on top of that you are a full-time mom; you sound like a responsible person, with a good head on her shoulders, ditch the guy - let him keep in touch with the child, if you objectively think he's a good father.
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 If you are smart it's time to start acting that way. The most intelligent thing you can do is talk to a lawyer about support for your child & walk away from the father. Nobody should call you those kinds of awful names repeatedly. 2
LostOnes05 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I'm a guy and I wouldn't tolerate that behavior from a woman. I think he is degrading you in order to keep you. If he makes you feel bad enough about yourself, why would anyone else want you (that's his mentality). From what you wrote, I think it is him who needs the education because he seems like a social neanderthal. Leave this guy. He sounds like the type to punch you in the face and then say "look what you made me do". 1
Author sfisk2 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 I agree with you. I honestly have no where to go. I don't have any money. Should I talk to someone at DSS for some help? I really want to move out but then I wouldnt have car to get to class. Idk what to do.
toscaroscura Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 I agree with you. I honestly have no where to go. I don't have any money. Should I talk to someone at DSS for some help? I really want to move out but then I wouldnt have car to get to class. Idk what to do. Yes, talk to someone. Do you have family and/or friends that could help you during this time? That guy is a straight up a**hole.
Redhead14 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) I have dated the same guy since I was 16. We have a 2 year old and live together. I never insult him or pick on him about his flaws. He calls me stupid and a whore a lot. He tells me I need to get educated. I can't take the name calling anymore it feels as if he is picking pieces off my soul each time. I'm a full time student and a full time mom. I have 3 more years in school to be a pharmacist. I know I'm smart. I'll give you an example of today. His cousin has fake boobs. Fake hair. Fake nails. Botox in her lips and her butt. She had posted a photo on facebook in a bra and underwear. I seen it and said "did you know she got botox in her lips"? He said "no". I said "it looks to fake". He exploded. " you stupid ass look up the definition fake and you will see she's not fake". "You shouldn't say anything to me if your going to sound like a stupid whore". The past 9 months it's been down hill. I'm pretty. I am always loving. I'm forgiving. Idk what I do all the time to set him off. We we were playing a video game minecraft yesterday. I stepped in front of him in the game and his character hit me. He called me a bitch in front of his brothers and was saying "if you can't stop being such a **** up I'm going to take the ps4 away". Idk what to do. I've tried talking to him. Nobody stands up for me either. Your first priority is your child and then you. You should do whatever it takes to extricate yourselves from this situation. Go to an abused women's shelter for help on how to do that. They will guide you accordingly. If you have to delay your education for a bit, then do it. Get a full-time job for a while until you are on your feet or at least in a better position. Start working on this now. Edited January 19, 2015 by Redhead14 2
Redhead14 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 In addition, I would start to become more independent and go out more often with your friends and family. I realize you have a child and finding care may be difficult, but you need to be out of this situation more often in order to find and muster the strength and support to do what you need to do. He will notice the change in you and may pull harder, but you need to exercise some assertiveness as well. If he becomes violent, you take your child and leave immediately and go to a shelter. Do some research now to get the number of a local shelter so that you have it as soon as you need it.
Author sfisk2 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 I don't have family. It gets worse. I moved away from him cause he kicked me in November 2013. I moved out of state. I did not talk to him until March 2014. He begged and pleaded for us to move back. In April 2014 I made the mistake of moving back. He promised to quit smoking. He also promised I could the Internet. We have 15 Gigabytes I cant use unless its homework. While hes not paying attention I get on here. He promised to come home after work and he promised never to physically hurt me again. When he kicked me it caused my body to miscarriage our 27 week boy. 2015 he still hasn't quit smoking. He sometimes comes home after work. He hasn't physically abused me. We live next to his grandparents and his aunt and uncle and his father on one football field size property. They ALL take his side on everything. He got a DUI last month and was going to bars after work. He hates when I hang out with my friend I've know since I was a girlscout brownie and my friend is female. He also complains I don't do anu thing for him. I make him breakfast every morning. I clean the whole house. Its spotless. I wash his dishes. I do everything that involves our son. Wednesday when I had class he had to watch out son for 1 hour 30 minutes and left our child in his poop pants the whole time. He said "he pooped 20 minutes after you left". Yet he's in school to be a nurse yet seriously can't change a diaper. Im fed up.
Redhead14 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 I don't have family. It gets worse. I moved away from him cause he kicked me in November 2013. I moved out of state. I did not talk to him until March 2014. He begged and pleaded for us to move back. In April 2014 I made the mistake of moving back. He promised to quit smoking. He also promised I could the Internet. We have 15 Gigabytes I cant use unless its homework. While hes not paying attention I get on here. He promised to come home after work and he promised never to physically hurt me again. When he kicked me it caused my body to miscarriage our 27 week boy. 2015 he still hasn't quit smoking. He sometimes comes home after work. He hasn't physically abused me. We live next to his grandparents and his aunt and uncle and his father on one football field size property. They ALL take his side on everything. He got a DUI last month and was going to bars after work. He hates when I hang out with my friend I've know since I was a girlscout brownie and my friend is female. He also complains I don't do anu thing for him. I make him breakfast every morning. I clean the whole house. Its spotless. I wash his dishes. I do everything that involves our son. Wednesday when I had class he had to watch out son for 1 hour 30 minutes and left our child in his poop pants the whole time. He said "he pooped 20 minutes after you left". Yet he's in school to be a nurse yet seriously can't change a diaper. Im fed up. You need to get out right now. Just pack a few things for you and your child and go to a shelter. Use your remaining GIGS to research the local shelter number and location. Use public transportation if necessary to get there.
JChristie Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) unfortunately he seems unable to be gentle and kind with someone he loves when he is upset (you). this is the main problem. we are all stupid sometimes. we are all ignorant a lot. but we will all overcome this better if people are honest but not mean and hurtful when they offer us constructive criticism. since you seem like you are pretty young, i will let you in on a secret. we will attract better men and a happier and more satisfying life if we stop putting so much mental, emotional and personal energy into our relationships. relationships should grow naturally as two healthy people grow together by growing individually. it is important for you to continue to learn new things, new skills, aquire new interests that are outside of your relationship. too often we get into bad habits and we worry and stew over our reltps. does he love me? or not? if we let it our brain will keep playing this doubting game forever. we need to have faith that the person in the reltp is THE ONE and that no matter what happens it will all work out for the best. if we can't do that then we are better off on our own and working on ourselves. and please, if you do break up and get a new boyfriend please do not, do his laundry or clean his house for at least 6 months of your reltp, nor have sex for at least 8 dates. real dates, not long phone conversations. if he is all about pushing you to have sex... warning sign. and if he needs someone to do his laundry and clean his house, then he may not be the guy for you. do you envision the rest of your life slaving for someone who is unable to compliment you??? all the best! Edited January 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator external link ~T
Author sfisk2 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 That's amazing advice. I stood up for myself today. I told him I'm tired of being pushed around and neglected. If your not going to treat me right or I'll easily find someone else who will. He looked shocked and walked out. He came back before work and actually kissed me bye. I just have to lose the door mate mentality I've has and keep standing up for myself. I saw a counselor she helped a lot. If I tell him something I must stick to it.
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