Should I ask my boyfriend if he had sex while we were broken up?

[BrooklynE]

I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18 and we were together for 6 months but we broke up for 3 months. He's bisexual. He dated a guy to try it for a month while we were broken up but it didn't work out. I hope he didn't have sex because that would upset me cause I didn't have sex while we were broken up. I would be upset if he did. I'm happy we are together again. Im the really jealous type and I don't want him touching anyone but me. I don't wanna break up with him again cause he makes me so happy. I wouldn't be happy if he had sex with someone else it would really bother me. should I ask him if he had sex with him or no? am I better off not knowing or what? My friend said I should ask him but idk...

[zen2475]

Because you were broken up, he was free to do what he wanted, and that includes having sex with someone else. All you can legitimately ask him is if he used protection so that you can adequately protect your health.

 

Him sleeping with someone else while you were broken up should not be a deal breaker now that you are back together. You are young, and you it sounds like you have a lot of insecurity to get over. I would look at why you seem to be so afraid of him sleeping with someone else while he had no commitment to you. Jealousy is born out of insecurity, and insecurity is born from fear. What are you afraid of? And why?

 

Insecurity will not help you have a healthy, happy relationship with respectful boundaries with your boyfriend, or anyone else who may be in your future.

[Zahara]

I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18 and we were together for 6 months but we broke up for 3 months. He's bisexual. He dated a guy to try it for a month while we were broken up but it didn't work out. I hope he didn't have sex because that would upset me cause I didn't have sex while we were broken up. I would be upset if he did. I'm happy we are together again. Im the really jealous type and I don't want him touching anyone but me. I don't wanna break up with him again cause he makes me so happy. I wouldn't be happy if he had sex with someone else it would really bother me. should I ask him if he had sex with him or no? am I better off not knowing or what? My friend said I should ask him but idk...

 

You two were broken up. Free to sleep with whatever, whomever.

 

You can't project. Just because you didn't sleep with others, it doesn't mean he has to do the same, especially when you two weren't together.

 

You're better off not knowing. The expectation you have is unreasonable.

[BrooklynE]

So I shouldn't ask him?

[Zahara]

So I shouldn't ask him?

 

What happens if he says yes?

 

What will you do?

 

If he says no -- what if he is lying?

 

At the end of the day -- you need to reframe your expectations. You sound very insecure and jealousy is indicative of that. Maybe instead of worrying about what happened while you two were not together, try and work on why you have the need to react this way, and focus on moving forward with what you have infront of you.

[BrooklynE]

I understand and that's why I'm not gonna ask him cause I know I won't like the answer and he can't change what happened so yeah

[Zahara]

I understand and that's why I'm not gonna ask him cause I know I won't like the answer and he can't change what happened so yeah

 

You're back together. Enjoy what you have now. Stop looking over your shoulder. So much to look forward to. It's time to strengthen what you have. It's not time to start putting dents in it.

[Simon Phoenix]

It's really none of your business. You were broken up -- he was free to do what he wanted to do. If him having sex while you were broken up bothers you, then maybe you should find someone else.

[Chi townD]

Well, if you can't handle it, then don't. If you find that you can or the need to know is just too much, then ask.

 

 

But, who did you sleep with? The reason why I ask is because he's more than likely going to ask you the very same question.

[BrooklynE]

Yes I know, I'm the one that's with him now and that's what matters

[d0nnivain]

You are in a no win situation. You are dying of curiosity but you actually only want to know the truth if it won't hurt your feelings.

 

Odds are that he did sexual things while you were apart. Since you were apart, he was free to do whatever & whomever he wanted. You are not yet mature enough to accept that. I suspect very few 17 year olds would be.

 

Call me old fashioned because I am old enough to be your mom, but I don't think at 17 you should be having sex anyway. However, if you are going to have sex you have to be responsible & safe. Part of that includes talking about sex & having conversations about each other's health. Sex with other partners increases those risks so you have healthy reasons which necessitate a certain exchange of info to assure you don't get an STD.

[RedButton]

If you're not comfortable with the idea of him sleeping with other men, you shouldn't be dating a bi-sexual.

 

If it's just the idea of him sleeping with anyone else, regardless of gender, then you either have to come to terms with the fact that he was free to do so when broken up, or not get back together.

 

I think, so long as he doesn't cheat on you while you are together, it shouldn't matter who he slept with beforehand, so long as he's dedicated to you when you are together.

[Marco Valerio]

If you can't handle the answer, then no, as simple as that.

[BrooklynE]

I'm not going to ask him anyway, it would just upset me

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm not going to ask him anyway, it would just upset me

 

But you're still going to wonder. Unless you can honestly say to yourself that it doesn't matter, maybe reconciliation with this guy isn't a very good idea.

[sober and dry]

It's is indeed a tricky question and I think that is a no win situation too. BUT it's legitimate to know if he protected himself because you are with him and don't want any surprise do we?... Again, it's very tricky...

[bigtrouble]

I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18 and we were together for 6 months but we broke up for 3 months. He's bisexual. He dated a guy to try it for a month while we were broken up but it didn't work out. I hope he didn't have sex because that would upset me cause I didn't have sex while we were broken up. I would be upset if he did. I'm happy we are together again. Im the really jealous type and I don't want him touching anyone but me. I don't wanna break up with him again cause he makes me so happy. I wouldn't be happy if he had sex with someone else it would really bother me. should I ask him if he had sex with him or no? am I better off not knowing or what? My friend said I should ask him but idk...

 

You had no hold of him when it happened, plus you know his current state, and you accepted it, putting it out in the open might jut put a strain in your relationship.

[Simon Phoenix]

It's is indeed a tricky question and I think that is a no win situation too. BUT it's legitimate to know if he protected himself because you are with him and don't want any surprise do we?... Again, it's very tricky...

 

Let's be real, that's not why she wants to ask.

[erklat]

Let's be real, that's not why she wants to ask.

 

Bravo!

 

No, you were broken up. What was going on in his life is not of your concern.

You are looking to pick a fight here. I would at least.

[sober and dry]

Let's be real, that's not why she wants to ask.

Yes that's what I guess too, but well... I think BrooklynE can do it for the right reasons, that being her own good and safety.

Probably the best is just protect herself and there they go, safe and sound

[BrooklynE]

So I was with my boyfriend for 6 months and we broke up for 3 months. We got back together a almost a month ago. He dated a guy for a month after we broke up, he's bisexual. Anyway I asked a question about this yesterday about wondering if they had sex. Now I'm hearing rumors that they had sex in a dressing room. Wouldn't they have gotten caught or wouldn't someone have heard them? Anyway the guy he dated even said it was true but I asked my boyfriend and he says that it didn't happen and that's not but something kept telling me it was true. So I asked him again and he said yes but he regrets it. What should I do? I was really happy with him until I heard about this. It just upsets me that he had sex with anyone while we were broken up. I don't care what the gender is it still bothers me cause I'm the jealous type. I want to be the only one he's having sex with. Does this mean he doesn't really care about him if he did this? Btw I'm 17 and he's 18. how can I make myself feel better about this about him having sex while we were broken up?