JuneJulySeptember Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Seriously, love is discussed as the end all/be all in our society. It's in all the movies, songs, TV shows and novels. But love is completely controlled by looks. You meet a woman/man and your ability to fall in love with them hinges on whether they are physically attractive. I mean, I will admit that is my INSTINCT (though I may try and override it). If you are having a good conversation with someone on the phone and you meet them later, whether or not they are physically attractive can completely change the story. Anyone else just question how stupid love really is, whether it works in your favor or not?
me85 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 (edited) I totally see your point but I don't think love is stupid but it's definitely overrated. Everyone has romantic love up on this extremely unrealistic high pedestal. I can love family and friends and be just as content. I don't have to be in a RS as much as society tells me or thinks I should. There is so much more to life. Life is ultimately about finding meaning and purpose and believing that we were born to have a destiny. It's a spiritual journey to prepare us for the afterlife, imo. Falling in love is just an added bonus. Edited January 16, 2015 by me85 1
callingyouuu Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 What gets me is how random the process of finding "love" seems to be. Whether or not you meet your lifelong partner on any given day can hinge on how your hair looks that morning or whether you sit in her line of sight at the coffee shop. Kind of a strange thing for me to spend so much time worrying about on an online forum, and yet here I am. 1
Redhead14 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Seriously, love is discussed as the end all/be all in our society. It's in all the movies, songs, TV shows and novels. But love is completely controlled by looks. You meet a woman/man and your ability to fall in love with them hinges on whether they are physically attractive. I mean, I will admit that is my INSTINCT (though I may try and override it). If you are having a good conversation with someone on the phone and you meet them later, whether or not they are physically attractive can completely change the story. Anyone else just question how stupid love really is, whether it works in your favor or not? Love is not stupid. What is stupid usually is what people expect, project into and/or how they handle love when they do have it. 4
Gaeta Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 But love is completely controlled by looks. You meet a woman/man and your ability to fall in love with them hinges on whether they are physically attractive. Yes it is controlled by attraction ! You want someone you feel attracted to, and someone who feels attracted toward you! As for what is attractive to us it's very personal ! Some likes them small, some tall, some thin, some bigger, blond, brunette, light skin, dark skin..what ever rocks your world!
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 Yes it is controlled by attraction ! You want someone you feel attracted to, and someone who feels attracted toward you! As for what is attractive to us it's very personal ! Some likes them small, some tall, some thin, some bigger, blond, brunette, light skin, dark skin..what ever rocks your world! Even if attraction which was totally subjective (i.e. a lot of men liked women with traditionally unattractive facial features who were short, pudgy and overweight) which I don't believe for even a second, it'd still be stupid. It's still controlled by looks.
BluEyeL Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 It's not controlled by looks. Not what I mean by love. Lust may be controlled by looks. 3
Gaeta Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Even if attraction which was totally subjective (i.e. a lot of men liked women with traditionally unattractive facial features who were short, pudgy and overweight) which I don't believe for even a second, it'd still be stupid. It's still controlled by looks. I don't understand why it's a problem that it's control by attraction? Every day in public transportation I see women with unattractive facial features, short, pudgy and overweight and they have boyfriends!
Gaeta Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 It's controlled by attraction. Attraction is more than just looks. Ever met a super hot guy and at the moment he opens his mouth to say something he is not hot anymore? 1
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 It's controlled by attraction. Attraction is more than just looks. Ever met a super hot guy and at the moment he opens his mouth to say something he is not hot anymore? I can tell you that if I met a woman who was pretty cool but very physically unattractive, I would not want to date her. Instinctually, though I might fight it. But if the same woman were magically very attractive, then I'd be daydreaming about her all the time probably. I mean, that is love in a nutshell.
Gaeta Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I can tell you that if I met a woman who was pretty cool but very physically unattractive, I would not want to date her. Instinctually, though I might fight it. But if the same woman were magically very attractive, then I'd be daydreaming about her all the time probably. I mean, that is love in a nutshell. For you that is love in a nutshell. I remember a couple of years ago going on a first date with a mr. joeblow from pof. I got there and my little voice inside said: OH F^%& No! I wasted my time. The man was nothing I expected! He had the most unusual facial features, my jaw hanged open in disbelief while I looked at him order us coffee. Fast forward 1 hour. I left the coffee shop and told myself wow I must see this man again!! I went home, called my daughter told her all about the 'ugly guy' I had just met. I told her is was so ugly he was freakin hot !! That is called <attraction>. He was smart, witty, funny, polite, good eye to eye contact. Anyway, we dated for 3 months and he dumped me lol. Yep, the ugly dude ended up dumping the pretty lady. It is what it is, what will you do, fight against nature or make it work for you ! 1
xxoo Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I can tell you that if I met a woman who was pretty cool but very physically unattractive, I would not want to date her. Instinctually, though I might fight it. But if the same woman were magically very attractive, then I'd be daydreaming about her all the time probably. I mean, that is love in a nutshell. That's not love; that's infatuation. Love is so much more. I heard a story on Storycorps this morning that demonstrates love--a woman falling in love with a "drop dead gorgeous" quadriplegic. Listen to her story and hear the love. StoryCorps | Colleen Kelly Starkloff and Meaghan Starkloff Breitenstein 2
TouchedByViolet Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 OP, sounds like you are frustrated. Looks are a big part of attraction and therefore love. Love is more than that though but if you don't have the looks you can't often even get a chance. Seems like you personally have experienced a lot of rejection based on your looks and therefore this thread results. Wanting someone physically attractive is genetically programmed into us. Improve yourself best you can and you should have some successes. That's life. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 OP, sounds like you are frustrated. Looks are a big part of attraction and therefore love. Love is more than that though but if you don't have the looks you can't often even get a chance. Seems like you personally have experienced a lot of rejection based on your looks and therefore this thread results. Wanting someone physically attractive is genetically programmed into us. Improve yourself best you can and you should have some successes. That's life. Pretty much. There are women out there who find you attractive as you are now. The same can be said for pretty much anyone on this forum. The question is: are you interested in those prospects? If not, you'll have to take some measures to widen your options - improve your physique, style, social activity, etc. I believe that any effort toward self-improvement is always a good investment. And if you don't feel you're getting much love, one way to increase the flow of love in your life is to give more love. At times when I'm feeling low on love, I start doing more loving things for the people in my life, volunteering more of my time. Then things improve right away. 3
Els Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 But love is completely controlled by looks. That's just you. For some of us, love is about much, much more than just physical appearance. Maybe that's why some of us don't find it to be 'stupid'. 3
Gloria25 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 What bewilders me is all the people calling what they have "love" when it is far from that. Like I was watching a judge show where this woman gave a kidney to her lying, cheating, dog of a husband and she was like - 'but I was in looooove'....Boy, what an idiot.
Winterina Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 For me, love is something that does not have much to do with looks. There has to be attraction between partners, but attraction and looks do not equate in my world. Real love takes time. Love is knowing someone in and out and going through everything good and bad with them... thinking about how they feel and how you can contribute to their life. Knowing they will never let you down. It has nothing to do with butterflies, magic, and stuff like that. Real magic is shagging with your best friend for entire life and going through life together. 1
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 (edited) OP, sounds like you are frustrated. Looks are a big part of attraction and therefore love. Love is more than that though but if you don't have the looks you can't often even get a chance. Seems like you personally have experienced a lot of rejection based on your looks and therefore this thread results. Wanting someone physically attractive is genetically programmed into us. Improve yourself best you can and you should have some successes. That's life. That's what I'm saying. Exactly. It's programmed into us, but I question it. If I meet a woman and she's awesome and she has one eye and one leg, but I'm not attracted to her, I question it. The baseline rules for love are so silly. It's not just because I've been rejected, it's because I can see myself rejecting someone for their looks too, when I'd be interested if they were attractive and it's just a dumb game. Edited January 16, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Love is not completely controlled by looks. My current boyfriend has every feature that I otherwise dislike (balding, average shape, somewhat short, etc) and he just gets more gorgeous every day. I used to date a VERY conventionally attractive man who never stirred any kind of passion in me. On a similar note, the most amazing relationships in my life began with men who first saw me with no makeup, hair a bit ragged, wearing old clothes and hopped up on candy and Doritos during back-to-back emergency shifts. Yes, physical attraction matters, but you can never perfectly predict who you're going to find attractive and why. Physical attraction aside I fully grant that love is stupid. I've turned into someone who kisses the phone (or just says "Muah!") before hanging up. I used to think that was for brain-damaged saps. What am I doing?! I'm so stupid. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Seriously, love is discussed as the end all/be all in our society. It's in all the movies, songs, TV shows and novels. But love is completely controlled by looks. Love is not completely controlled by looks, what you are seeing in movies and hearing in pop music probably doesn't represent actual love which is NOT STUPID.
BluEyeL Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Love is not completely controlled by looks. My current boyfriend has every feature that I otherwise dislike (balding, average shape, somewhat short, etc) and he just gets more gorgeous every day. I used to date a VERY conventionally attractive man who never stirred any kind of passion in me. On a similar note, the most amazing relationships in my life began with men who first saw me with no makeup, hair a bit ragged, wearing old clothes and hopped up on candy and Doritos during back-to-back emergency shifts. Yes, physical attraction matters, but you can never perfectly predict who you're going to find attractive and why. Physical attraction aside I fully grant that love is stupid. I've turned into someone who kisses the phone (or just says "Muah!") before hanging up. I used to think that was for brain-damaged saps. What am I doing?! I'm so stupid. Agree here completely, similar experience. When I first met my boyfriend, I didn't think he was good looking. I was about not to give him a second date. He is on the overweight side and I wasn't sure about how I will deal with that. Definitely not your conventionally "gorgeous"/movie star six pack guy. People also tell me he looks a few years older than his age, which may be true, I can't be quite objective here. But the way he made eye contact during the date, his eyes seemed really kind, he seemed like a really really good person in general, at first sight. That made me give him a second date. We've been together almost 7 months and I'm completely in love with him. I am so happy, I don't think I've ever been as happy...maybe 20 years ago when I met my ex-husband. I like everything about him and I find him attractive in every way now. But it started from building up the emotional connection, not the other way around. 5
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 Agree here completely, similar experience. When I first met my boyfriend, I didn't think he was good looking. I was about not to give him a second date. He is on the overweight side and I wasn't sure about how I will deal with that. Definitely not your conventionally "gorgeous"/movie star six pack guy. People also tell me he looks a few years older than his age, which may be true, I can't be quite objective here. But the way he made eye contact during the date, his eyes seemed really kind, he seemed like a really really good person in general, at first sight. That made me give him a second date. We've been together almost 7 months and I'm completely in love with him. I am so happy, I don't think I've ever been as happy...maybe 20 years ago when I met my ex-husband. I like everything about him and I find him attractive in every way now. But it started from building up the emotional connection, not the other way around. Yes, but you admit your first instinct was to reject him. And I admit my first instinct is that I don't want unattractive women either. And most people will not go against those instincts. What I was really trying to say is that love is so highly overrated for something that is so heavily reliant on looks.
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 What I was really trying to say is that love is so highly overrated for something that is so heavily reliant on looks. Why won't you hear the people on here who are saying that love is not overrated, and not dependent on looks, in their own personal experience??
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 Why won't you hear the people on here who are saying that love is not overrated, and not dependent on looks, in their own personal experience?? There's many more posters who convince me otherwise with what they say. Not to mention my real life experiences. There are some people for whom looks has a minimal bearing on love, but it is the vast minority. The thread was meant to be a general/societal reflection.
BluEyeL Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 No, not overrated. It feels amazing, nothing like it. But it's scary. Can hurt so much if you lose it. But yeah, most people go for conventional good looks, which is the wrong way to look.
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