Men: why don't you get it?

January 17, 2015

I mean, seriously, why would a 20-something beautiful woman get serious with some dude that's old enough to be her father? He doesn't even have money to attract more materialistic women. 20-something girl/woman wants to dance with her friends and possibly hook up with some hottie with a 6-pack.

How can you be so delusional

Because it happens all the time? My cousin married a man 20 years older than her. My grandmother married a man 18 years older than her. And not that long ago, it was common for older men to marry much younger women; especially men of wealth. So this obsession with age that a lot of women have is more a modern phenomenon and not one intrinsic to human history.

He's managed to hook up with three so he must not be so fatherly as you suggest. It sounds like they just didn't find him personally appealing after a few dates and getting to know him. That could be age or it could be that they just didn't click.

I am slowly having luck chasing the young hotties. It's taking time but now have two women interested. And I don't go to night clubs. But it is a given that a man my age has to expect a lot of rejection if going this route. It goes with the turf. It is a game of odds. Some women are attracted to older men or find that they can be if given and the right setting and person. I'm sure my cousin never intended to get hooked on an old guy! But you have to figure that most times you are going to get shot down.

Other comments made:

Nice older guys don't chase young women? REALLY??? There we have it. A basic hatred of the nature of men. If we don't fit your idea of what men are supposed to be, we're not nice. But older women who chase younger men are self actualized!

The way that I see it, I might as well chase the young one's because the older women all [mostly] seem too hostile toward men in general. So why waste my time? The trade off for young and hot, is nice, considerate, and giving, and I don't see it. All that I see is bad attitude.

How about this for a concept? Women need to be nicer. Treat men with respect and be considerate and you might do better. This thread is a great example. There is no effort to learn or understand men. It is just another exercise in man bashing. And then you go home and cry about being alone.

Edited January 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited out reference to off topic post

January 17, 2015

Because it happens all the time? My cousin married a man 20 years older than her. My grandmother married a man 18 years older than her. And not that long ago, it was common for older men to marry much younger women; especially men of wealth. So this obsession with age that a lot of women have is more a modern phenomenon and not one intrinsic to human history.

Well, it's not the 50s anymore and women don't have to do that.

I dated a man 16 years older than me. His mom was 18 years younger than his father. Still, I'm not going to argue that's common esp nowadays that men and women are more equal. I didn't know, and rarely did I see, other couples with such a large age gap.

The part in bold is something older men need to let sink in. What works for Hugh Hefner and George Clooney won't work for them. Edwin Edwards has a wife much younger than him, but he's rich and has a lot of political clout.

January 17, 2015

I was talking to this 40 something guy the other day. He is average looking, balding, slightly out of shape but in general nice enough.

He was venting to me about his bad luck with women. Apparently he is looking for a gf but all 3 of the girls he dated last flaked out and stopped returning his calls for no reason. He was really bitter about it.

OK- so, it turns out that he met ALL 3 of them in a night club. This dude still frequents night clubs and gets drunk on Fri/Sat every week. Also, all 3 of them were 20-26 age range. I mean, seriously, why would a 20-something beautiful woman get serious with some dude that's old enough to be her father? He doesn't even have money to attract more materialistic women. 20-something girl/woman wants to dance with her friends and possibly hook up with some hottie with a 6-pack.

How can you be so delusional

Even if he "gets it", it isn't going to make him appreciate women who might actually want to date him. Better that he frustrate himself than he latch onto some woman his own age and project his aging issues onto her.

Some people create their own misery.

January 17, 2015

"I had to respond to this as it's something I've found over the years in respect to many men over 35 that they are not as much fun, much more insecure, seem to want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship and usually they are filled with drama or create it themselves.

Once I actually got to know these guys through dating them it was simply exhausting and no fun to date them, the thought of a future with them was not a nice picture to forsee. They wanted a mother.

The weird thing is that they came across as immature, yet younger men are now more mature in general than men in my age group. "

That may be across the pond. Here in the southeastern US, younger guys are busy playing their game consoles, have little direction in life, don't want to work, still live with their parents, even when they've knocked up their gf's.

My daughter is 21,so I know a few kids her age. She falls into that group too,but she does work,goes to college,and is married. Her H, yeah not so much.

At 22, I had a degree,starting my career,my own home and a new family to support.

January 17, 2015

That may be across the pond. Here in the southeastern US, younger guys are busy playing their game consoles, have little direction in life, don't want to work, still live with their parents, even when they've knocked up their gf's.
My daughter is 21,so I know a few kids her age. She falls into that group too,but she does work,goes to college,and is married. Her H, yeah not so much.

At 22, I had a degree,starting my career,my own home and a new family to support.

This is what many of us older guys are figuring out. Many younger men are out of the loop due to video game addition, porn addiction, ED, the inability to form relationships or only wanting sex, homosexuality, or simply never growing up and living in the parent's basement beyond age 30. So this bumps the dating age curve for women, up. And we older guys tend to treat women a lot better than younger men do; I think because we appreciate what we have far more than the younger guys do.

My sb wrote off dating anyone under 30 when she was 21.

Edited January 17, 2015 by Robert Z

January 17, 2015

Even if he "gets it", it isn't going to make him appreciate women who might actually want to date him.

The three strikes you're out law? Did you all just make that up for convenience? Maybe he will try again and succeed. His problem may just be becoming discouraged too quickly. I expect a success rate of about 1:20. And I don't mean just for sex. I mean where we connect to such a degree that there is genuine long-term potential.

The need to rush his write-off is obvious. Be honest: You want him to fail, right? You resent what he is doing so you want to see him fail and then publically flogged online. Isn't that what this thread is really all about?

Edited January 17, 2015 by Robert Z

January 17, 2015

The need to rush his write-off is obvious. Be honest: You want him to fail, right? You resent what he is doing so you want to see him fail and then publically flogged on online. Isn't that what this thread is really all about?

I don't want him to fail. He's bitter about his reality, and creating his own misery. That doesn't bring me joy. I feel sorry for him, but prefer that he keep doing what he's doing than shift to pursuing a woman his own age and project his aging issues onto her.

January 17, 2015

I'm 37 and just started working on my next degree. Everyone in the program already has at least a bachelors degree so I expected more women in their 30s. Nope, they're mostly 23-25, and 4 girls for every guy in the program. I'm going to enjoy it without shame, and we're intimately stuck together for the next 2 years.

One girl has my vote for best body, for good reason I found out. She's only 21 y/o She voluntarily came to work with me yesterday and guessed my age to be 28, and was being flirty (or immature, who knows). So yeah, fk it. If girls that age FEEL I'm only six-ish years older (I don't lie about it) then I think I have a reasonable shot with some of them; which is obviously the hallmark of being delusional.

Signed,

Clueless

January 17, 2015

This is what many of us older guys are figuring out. Many younger men are out of the loop due to video game addition, porn addiction, ED, the inability to form relationships or only wanting sex, homosexuality, or simply never growing up and living in the parent's basement beyond age 30. So this bumps the dating age curve for women, up. And we older guys tend to treat women a lot better than younger men do; I think because we appreciate what we have far more than the younger guys do.

My sb wrote off dating anyone under 30 when she was 21.

Of course she did. Older guys usually have more money.

That being said, older men suffer from many of the same issues and character flaws as younger ones. Believing a man will treat you better because he's older or in some ways less attractive is pure folly. This is coming from someone who dated a lot in her younger years and dated someone almost old enough to be her dad.

Let's not romanticize older men the way some romanticize unattractive men.

January 17, 2015

The problem with the man in the OP is that he is unhappy with his situation, but unwilling to do anything about. Like just about everyone that complains here on LS.

But the title of the thread is somewhat inflammatory; as if all or most men are like the one in the OP. Simply not true. The average age difference in marriages in North America is 3.5 years. Most men marry and are in relationships with women close to their age.

I will say that regardless of gender, if you're someone that is primarily attracted to superficial qualities (like looks, age, career success/wealth, etc.) you are more likely to struggle in finding a meaningful relationship than someone that is primarily attracted to deeper qualities (like empathy, compassion, honesty, etc.).

The man in the OP is attracted to superficial qualities and is struggling. Hardly a surprise!

January 17, 2015

How can you be so delusional

If he's able to get dates with those women, who is to say he can't take it further?

Personally, I try and stick with the path of least resistance, and I find that is tough enough. I wouldn't message pretty young white women in their 20s, no.

And I wouldn't message you either. You're too pretty.

I guess that's what you want? Guys to be like me?

Edited January 17, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

January 17, 2015

Nice older guys don't chase young women? REALLY??? There we have it. A basic hatred of the nature of men.

The way that I see it, I might as well chase the young one's because the older women all [mostly] seem too hostile toward men in general. So why waste my time? The trade off for young and hot, is nice, considerate, and giving, and I don't see it. All that I see is bad attitude.

?? If OP's point of view based on the age of the men proves a "basic hatred of the nature of men," then I guess your point of view about older women proves a basic hatred of the nature of women?? Sounds pretty much like you're on the same page only switched around!

January 17, 2015

I'm 37 and just started working on my next degree. Everyone in the program already has at least a bachelors degree so I expected more women in their 30s. Nope, they're mostly 23-25, and 4 girls for every guy in the program. I'm going to enjoy it without shame, and we're intimately stuck together for the next 2 years.

One girl has my vote for best body, for good reason I found out. She's only 21 y/o She voluntarily came to work with me yesterday and guessed my age to be 28, and was being flirty (or immature, who knows). So yeah, fk it. If girls that age FEEL I'm only six-ish years older (I don't lie about it) then I think I have a reasonable shot with some of them; which is obviously the hallmark of being delusional.

Signed,
Clueless

I have found much the same thing. If given the opportunity to get to know each other, I often have a great time with much younger women. It came as a big surprise to me. But we can have a blast and connect on many levels, just not ones that age dependent. And in spite of popular opinion [another example of insensitivity to men], I was always painfully aware of my age at first but slowly that starts to diminish. And I know that is true of many men. We are constantly reminded that we're the old guys. But, we can either choose to let that define us and lie down, and bow to popular expectations and resentment, or we can choose to go after life as we wish and desire. One piece of advice that I'm getting from my buddy and my sb is that I worry about my age too much. "You've just got to put it out there and not worry about age". And they're right.

Edited January 17, 2015 by Robert Z

January 17, 2015

This is what many of us older guys are figuring out. Many younger men are out of the loop due to video game addition, porn addiction, ED, the inability to form relationships or only wanting sex, homosexuality, or simply never growing up and living in the parent's basement beyond age 30. So this bumps the dating age curve for women, up.

I still think that most of us (young people) are pairing up with others in our age group, I think it's pretty specialized for young people to want to date people old enough to be their mom or dad!! Of course it happens but it is not really a "movement" any more than it ever has been, I don't have anyone in my social life or family paired up like that, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it!

My sb wrote off dating anyone under 30 when she was 21.

Well that is understandable, most young people are just starting out financially.

January 17, 2015

When you look at Sean Connery or George Clooney you can see that they have looked after themselves and look their best.

But even they, look their age, they have wrinkles and grey hair and sagging skin, but we are just programmed to think they look great.

Whereas a woman in the media spotlight, of that age needs to look no older than 30 or else she is the subject of column inches of negativity, or is actually consigned to the scrap heap.

Actresses of that age aren't allowed grey hair, wrinkles or sagging skin hence the ridiculous images we see of bloated faces full of fillers and botox and/or failed plastic surgery.

January 17, 2015

A young woman who's interested in an older man for reasons that are not money related is extremely rare.

I'm a 27 years old female and I don't know ANY woman in her twenties that would go for a guy 40+. Friends around my age (24-30) usually date guys around the same age, sometimes a bit younger, sometimes a bit older, but never MUCH older. The most extreme case I've seen was a friend of mine (27) who was dating a guy who was 39. But as I said, that was an exception, usually it's more +/- 4 years.

January 17, 2015

Congratulations members! Almost 50% of the thread resulted in off topic or thread jacking posts as well as some inflammatory postings. If Eternal Sunshine would like this thread opened back up, please send moderation a valid reason. In the meantime, "group hug" and for your listening pleasure:

Thanks! ~V

Edited January 17, 2015 by Robert
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