When will you Marry someone? What are your list of wants?

[FromAbove]

Hi there! When will you marry someone? What are your list of wishes/wants/needs/etc. etc. etc. etc. What is necessary for YOU before you decide to ask/agree someone to marry you/him/her?

 

some keywords: love, trust, life partner, best friends, kids, values, wants, needs, dislikes, hates, excitement, dullness, travelling, hobbies, sex, money, status, hopes and dreams, kids, family, language, culture, humour, social circle, career..yada yada...

 

Same question; but now when you're currently in LDR and thinking about marriage, guess there are other things that is important.

[CALOVELY]

All the key words you wrote sums up my situation. I would also add that I got to that point when we saw each other at the worst of times (serious illness) and became each others rock and comfort. It is easy to have a relationship when all you have are the highs. Dealing with the lows is what really lets you know if you two are compatible.

[Els]

Hi there! When will you marry someone? What are your list of wishes/wants/needs/etc. etc. etc. etc. What is necessary for YOU before you decide to ask/agree someone to marry you/him/her?

 

Well, aside from the obvious necessity that the R is going well and has been established for a significant amount of time, and the good points CA made...

 

I think, personally, one of the most important requirements is that I need to have found myself and know myself very well - especially what I want and need in life. It sounds simple, but for me at least, it really isn't. In my view, marriage should ideally be a once-in-a-lifetime decision, and if two people are still undergoing transitional phases in their life, there is a possibility of them drifting apart.

 

Same question; but now when you're currently in LDR and thinking about marriage, guess there are other things that is important.

Well, if the LDR does not involve immigration, then there doesn't have to be any differences in this aspect. If it does, AND it involves immigration to a country that does not recognize common law relationships - then yes, some people do marry while in a LDR because there might not be any other option to close the distance. It is a risk that you might have to take (and indeed I've seen some people take this risk and have it turn out well). Ideally however, IMO it's generally a safer bet to close the distance first.

[CALOVELY]

 

I think, personally, one of the most important requirements is that I need to have found myself and know myself very well - especially what I want and need in life. It sounds simple, but for me at least, it really isn't. In my view, marriage should ideally be a once-in-a-lifetime decision, and if two people are still undergoing transitional phases in their life, there is a possibility of them drifting apart.

 

 

This is an excellent point. Two halves do not make a whole in dealing with marriage. You have to be whole before you take that next step. Too often people make the mistake of thinking their partner is going to make up the deficit within them.

[toolforgrowth]

Here's a twist for you: never! I'm never getting married again. I've learned that marriage =/= love, fidelity, and happiness. I've also learned that one can have all of those things without being legally tied to someone.

 

Marriage is far too overrated, and IMO is failing miserably as a social institution. I'd love for a new social paradigm to emerge that replaces it.