outofleft Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Hey guys. I have kind of an ambiguous scenario... or at least to me it is, which is why I'm asking for help with what to do. The first two paragraphs are a summary of the relationship (venting, really), last one is the issue I'm facing now. Last January, I started seeing this guy. I thought it would be a brief fling and it would be over by the end of the semester, if it even lasted that long (we're still in college). Long story short, we started spending every day together, he would sleep over every night, and we got really really close over the course of 4 months of so. I was really in love with him, and it shocked me how quickly that happened. At that point we were spending our summers in different places so we agreed to split up, mutually, but still be friends. After three days or so, I suggested we try just doing long distance, because we only live 5 hours apart or so, and we could make it work. So, we did long distance for three months; I visited him three times, he came down to me twice. It wasn't the easiest thing ever, but it wasn't bad at all and I was really really happy; he said he was too. Finally, at the end of the summer, we were going to study in different places abroad. We'd both be busy with our new workload, and adjusting to being in a foreign country, and in totally different timezones, so again, we decided to mutually split. So, basically, we did. We had NC for two weeks, then we would message sporadically a couple times a week, snapchat back and forth, that sort of thing. It also happened to be that the city he was studying in was one of the places in the world I most wanted to visit, and since I was abroad I finally had the chance. We skyped exactly one time, and I asked him to let me know if he knew anywhere good to stay or any friends that could host me. He offered to let me stay with him. Stupidly, I accepted. When I got there, I was trying not to expect anything, but really I was pretty sure it would be a week long fling back together. It was not, and he told me explicitly a few days in that he didn't want to do anything romantic because it would reopen wounds he was just getting over, yadda yadda. I mentioned that in retrospect I would have been willing to continue long distance. He started to explain again why he didn't want to, and I sort of cut him off because I knew already. I was kind of a mess for most of the rest of the trip, and finally on the second to last night he caved and we spent the night and next day together, which was amazing. To be clear, I didn't pressure him or anything, unless you count my being a complete and utter emotional train-wreck as pressuring him. Anyway, I left having had this two-day rekindling, and of course was nearly back to square one. We essentially stopped talking then... I checked in with him once via text, we snapchatted a couple times, and then I haven't had direct contact with him since the middle of November. So, it's been totally over two months. Thing is, the full-out NC rule isn't going to work for me; he's still a really great guy and we mutually agreed to break up, so it would be a real dick move for me to cut him off totally. Besides, we have mutual friends. Plus (and I'm not sure how much this is affecting my judgement), we'll both be back at the same location come September. The only reason we broke up was because of distance, as far as I know; we both seemed really happy. I expected to be over it after a few weeks, but this damn pain is hanging on like a ****ing vice. He just messaged me for the first time in months on snapchat. I'm not sure if I should respond to be friendly, or ignore it. Maybe I should block him on snapchat and facebook, and just cut all ties. But he's never done anything bad to me, so I'm not sure I want to burn that bridge, especially if we might be together again this year. At the same time I don't want to hang on to this guy for 9 months with no guarantee he'll even still be up for it when we get back. GAHHHH I just want some outside perspective on this, my friends are all his friends and so I just want a neutral opinion, and also sort of to vent, because there's no one in my life who I can talk to, really. Any advice, thoughts, similar experiences, anything?
Marco Valerio Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Hi friend: After reading all your story, I would say yes. It seems to me there's not much commitment between you two, maybe less in his side than in yours. I think it will take you a lot of effort to try to save what's left, if there's anything left. In my opinion, I would cut all ties with him, and wait for someone else to appear in your life. Best regards. 1
Author outofleft Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 Hi friend: After reading all your story, I would say yes. It seems to me there's not much commitment between you two, maybe less in his side than in yours. I think it will take you a lot of effort to try to save what's left, if there's anything left. In my opinion, I would cut all ties with him, and wait for someone else to appear in your life. Best regards. Note taken. Rereading the whole thing just makes me feel childish... there's no reason to still be hung up on such a brief, uncommitted relationship.
Light Breeze Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 NC is a tool for healing. So if your goal is to heal and move on then do this. If it's not then don't, just be reminded however that being friends with an ex while you're still hung up on him is a bad idea. Considering that you became an emotional wreck while visiting him for a week, I highly suggest you to go full NC. 2
newlyborn Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 definitely go NC. he has made a decision not to work on this anymore. and he has not kept in touch with you really at all. there is no relationship left. holding on in any way will only delay your healing and increase the magnitude of your loss. 1
okc85 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Note taken. Rereading the whole thing just makes me feel childish... there's no reason to still be hung up on such a brief, uncommitted relationship. Says who? You fell in love, you can't control that. I had a very similar situation. I dated someone for the summer, knowing they would move to Europe in October. Initially, I was heartbroken and didn't want to move on, so I planned a visit to her country. I had 2 months to wait until I would see her again, and it was torture. It was my taste of an LDR. We skyped once, it made me miss her more. Finally, the two months pased, and I visited for a week. My visit WAS romantic, and a fling, all that. It was the best week of my life. Then I went home, and it was all over. That was 3 months ago, and I still get sad sometimes. It gets easier. NC is for you to heal, so don't feel bad about it. I am doing NC too and it's sad sometimes but with time, you might be able to be his real friend, sans all the feelings.
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