banini_jeque Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Alright... So I know it's wrong to start dating if I'm still struggling with issues from a previous relationship, but wont getting out there help because it will remind me that there are others that may or may not be better for me? Won't that help me answer some of the questions I have that I need to answer to help me move on? Won't new experiences with new women help me forget the things that I liked so much about my ex? Or, is it better to be a hermit for a while and become one with yourself, for only through oneself will these questions be answered?
Gaeta Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Of course you go out and date !!!! Except........................................ You advice the ladies that you are not ready for a serious relationship. You are looking to casually date, meet new people, have fun, make friends and all that good stuff. 1
youknow Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I went through a similar thing recently. I was just open and honest with them about what I was going through and where I was mentally/emotionally, definitely helped with my recovery. so I say go for it
Redhead14 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 (edited) Alright... So I know it's wrong to start dating if I'm still struggling with issues from a previous relationship, but wont getting out there help because it will remind me that there are others that may or may not be better for me? Won't that help me answer some of the questions I have that I need to answer to help me move on? Won't new experiences with new women help me forget the things that I liked so much about my ex? Or, is it better to be a hermit for a while and become one with yourself, for only through oneself will these questions be answered? Yes, it is good to start dating, however, you must be willing to and prepared to push all your insecurities related to the previous relationship aside. Do your best not to project past issues into a current dating scenario. Take each new dating prospect as an individual with a clean slate. Focus on what that person is telling you and showing you. Don't make assumptions about anything that isn't clear to you when they tell you things. Have open, mature, honest conversations from the very beginning. It is very easy for some people who've recently broken up with someone to get involved quickly with a new person because what they are doing is seeking comfort and an escape from the previous pain. But that new relationship will be short lived when the cloud of the initial high they get starts to pass. Be confident, poised, relaxed and manage your expectations with each new dating partner. It's ok to be hopeful, but don't have expectations. Don't get too invested in a dating prospect too soon and don't have sex early on with them either. If you decide to be sexual, you must be clear in your own head about what you want in the long run out of your dating experiences and communicate with them about it and make sure they want the same things. Make sure you're on the same page as soon as possible. Go out an have fun! Edited January 16, 2015 by Redhead14
genuinelyloverly7 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Yes, it is good to start dating, however, you must be willing to and prepared to push all your insecurities related to the previous relationship aside. Do your best not to project past issues into a current dating scenario. Take each new dating prospect as an individual with a clean slate. Focus on what that person is telling you and showing you. Don't make assumptions about anything that isn't clear to you when they tell you things. Have open, mature, honest conversations from the very beginning. It is very easy for some people who've recently broken up with someone to get involved quickly with a new person because what they are doing is seeking comfort and an escape from the previous pain. But that new relationship will be short lived when the cloud of the initial high they get starts to pass. Be confident, poised, relaxed and manage your expectations with each new dating partner. It's ok to be hopeful, but don't have expectations. Don't get too invested in a dating prospect too soon and don't have sex early on with them either. If you decide to be sexual, you must be clear in your own head about what you want in the long run out of your dating experiences and communicate with them about it and make sure they want the same things. Make sure you're on the same page as soon as possible. Go out an have fun! This is where I am. I feel you, OP. I was in a LTR (7.5 yrs) that ended a few years ago, and while I started dating about a year later, I am just now getting to the point where I feel confident in even attempting to have an emotional connection with the people I have met. And that first attempt didn't end well, because though there were issues on his side, I recognized that I was creating distance, reasons I couldn't accept this generous guy into my life. (Some of the problem was that he was TOO ready- talking' babies and hinting at love on the first date or five, of course all jokingly…) Since that ended almost 2 months ago I haven't tried very hard to meet anyone else, until I turned on my OKC profile again a few days ago. And I still am feeling no zings for anyone I see on there. Not the cute ones, not the compatible ones. It leaves me feeling tired and overwhelmed, because I will start to talk to these various gentlemen (nice guys, all) and there are quite a few, and not feel A THING for it. Where has my excitement gone?!? (Sorry to hijack the focus of the thread, if I did; I was following my thought to it's natural conclusion.) OP, I live a somewhat hermetish lifestyle, partly by choice, and partly by life's hand. I love it! I do get in touch with myself, and learn a lot about my processes and tendencies. But it's not just loneliness that is a danger. You sort of forget the texture of people, and how to weave yourself into the fabric, if I may be metaphorical. Honest and respectful communication with your partners will be the best way. "You can go over, you can go under, or to the side. Your still going though." RS 1
genuinelyloverly7 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Yes, it is good to start dating, however, you must be willing to and prepared to push all your insecurities related to the previous relationship aside. Do your best not to project past issues into a current dating scenario. Take each new dating prospect as an individual with a clean slate. Focus on what that person is telling you and showing you. Don't make assumptions about anything that isn't clear to you when they tell you things. Have open, mature, honest conversations from the very beginning. It is very easy for some people who've recently broken up with someone to get involved quickly with a new person because what they are doing is seeking comfort and an escape from the previous pain. But that new relationship will be short lived when the cloud of the initial high they get starts to pass. Be confident, poised, relaxed and manage your expectations with each new dating partner. It's ok to be hopeful, but don't have expectations. Don't get too invested in a dating prospect too soon and don't have sex early on with them either. If you decide to be sexual, you must be clear in your own head about what you want in the long run out of your dating experiences and communicate with them about it and make sure they want the same things. Make sure you're on the same page as soon as possible. Go out an have fun! This is where I am. I feel you, OP. I was in a LTR (7.5 yrs) that ended a few years ago, and while I started dating about a year later, I am just now getting to the point where I feel confident in even attempting to have an emotional connection with the people I have met. And that first attempt didn't end well, because though there were issues on his side, I recognized that I was creating distance, reasons I couldn't accept this generous guy into my life. (Some of the problem was that he was TOO ready- talking' babies and hinting at love on the first date or five, of course all jokingly…) Since that ended almost 2 months ago I haven't tried very hard to meet anyone else, until I turned on my OKC profile again a few days ago. And I still am feeling no zings for anyone I see on there. Not the cute ones, not the compatible ones. It leaves me feeling tired and overwhelmed, because I will start to talk to these various gentlemen (nice guys, all) and there are quite a few, and not feel A THING for any of them. Where are my FEELINGS? My zest and anticipation for life? Where has my excitement gone?!? I felt it when I was in love with my ex; the Earth glowed, and so did I. But now, nothing. Will I EVER be ready to love again? What in cornbread is wrong with me? (Sorry to hijack the focus of the thread, if I did; I was following my thoughts/feelings to their natural conclusions.) OP, I live a somewhat hermetish lifestyle, partly by choice, and partly by life's hand. I love it! I do get in touch with myself, and learn a lot about my processes and tendencies. But it's not just loneliness that is a danger. You sort of forget the texture of people, and how to weave yourself into the fabric, if I may be metaphorical. Go out and meet people, casually. Sort of just to stay in the flow of it. Honest and respectful communication with your partners will be the best way. "You can go over, you can go under, or to the side. Your still going though." RS
Recommended Posts