Chica411 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I finally met a nice guy! Wahoo... BUT.... He's 35 and still living at home without a clear plan. Which I can deal with since he helps his parents and has worked ft before so I wasn't going to overly judge that right away. What gets me is that he's been talking of the future since the start, which makes me feel very scared and almost stuck. Today he was saying he has to start shopping for Valentines Day, and talking about where to meet my son. Mind you my limit is meeting my son in 6 months so he's thinking that far ahead. We've only been talking 10 days! The focus should be now and getting to know, which I have said and he didn't slow down. I know he isn't very experienced with dating, and he makes me smile and laugh. I'm really not sure how to reject him or if I should give it more time. I feel like an idiot turning down a decent guy after meeting so many mister wrongs, but I don't have to settle for the first nice one! I feel like I gave it a fair shot and there isn't anything wrong with that, but I just don't know what to do as he's getting so far ahead of himself. Also he gave me a necklace today for my birthday. And always texts how much he misses me. I'm flattered but it's too much to soon ad I'm sure most women would've run once hearing he lived at home. I didn't want to judge and as the red flags creep up I'm paying attention and wondering what now!?
furby19 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Let him know how you feel and then give it time. People eventually show you what they are all about.
FitChick Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Why isn't he working? He probably wants to get away from them and move in with you. You don't want a freeloader. 1
Author Chica411 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 He's working part time and I'm still trying to see his plan in life. I've mentioned to go slow and he brushes it off saying he's making conversation or just talking. I just don't want to end up with someone clingy and stuck to me.
Gaeta Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I know exactly what you are talking about. It's not going to get better, another week and he will suffocate you to the point you will want to run away. So, before he gets more attached end it. Yes he's a good guy but he's not 'your good guy'. You didn't connect as much as he did, this is not going to work.
DivorcedDad123 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I"d be interested to hear what kind of curveball life threw at him that he has to live with his parents at 35? If it's " I got divorced and she got everything and the house", I'd see giving him some time maybe. If it's "Dude! Life is so hard on the outside and it's easier for mom to take care of me" , I'd be outta there so fast the suction would slam the door behind me! I'd also want to know what's up with the "part time" job? On the surface this screams "mom's vagina" flags! Forget the red ones!
Author Chica411 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 I do feel suffocated we both work at a grocery store. But for me it's temporary, I'm looking for full time and have an apartment lined up. Our hours are different but he stays late, takes a late break or even comes on day off to see me. Once in awhile is fun. Now I'm scrounging for excuses, because I go to work early for me time! I've said he doesn't have to. After the second date I was pretty sure I was done and wasn't scared of someone nice. I like the reject goddamn it. Yeah guess it isn't hard to know LOL
Frank2thepoint Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 He's still living at home, no clear goal or plan in life, already showering you with gifts, and doesn't take your concern of wanting to take it slow seriously. Just end it. Tell him you two are not compatible.
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 there are some red flags here. What is your gut telling you?
Winterina Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Might be a weak character who needs a strong woman to lead him through life. You are a single mum from what I understand, so you are apparently capable of taking care of yourself and a whole another human being. Maybe he sees you as a way out of his own life and maybe he sees you as instant family. But 10 days is not the time in which you can say anything at all about someone. Anything at all. I would talk to him and tell him everything honestly and see how he reacts and how he acts after that. Might tell you something about him
Author Chica411 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 My gut is saying give up in really not feeling it I've tried talking he says talk of the future was just convo. I said I felt like he was more invested and ahead of me. He says he's following my leadt. It feels like head games, intentional or not. It seems like his maturity may be lacking... Thanks for the advice
d0nnivain Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 If your gut is telling you to get out, listen. he might be a great guy but he's not YOUR great guy.
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