millionaireguy Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Alright newbie here and this is going to be a long post feel free to add comments. Alright Im 33 and my partner is 34, we have been together for 6 years now. Im from the UK born and bred here, same as my partner I should also say my partner is an Asian Muslim woman and I am half Asian. I met my partner first as a blind date from there things just clicked, although when we got together she did keep saying if I was Muslim she would take me home that didn't stop us from loving and being with each other. Things got serious her family asked me to convert Im Catholic and I said I wouldn't but would think about it, In the meantime we got really serious we lived like a normal married couple and in the process she had a miscarriage as well which she didn't inform her family. She kept forcing me to convert and I said I would, last year I went away on holiday when I got back I found that she had changed and confronted her and she said her mum had bought some guy in the picture and she wanted to move on. I couldn't believe she was saying this to me she asked me to let her go now and that she will be back as she still loves me, I didn't agree to that she kept saying her mum will never agree and that I shouldn't approach her mum cos if I did she would get beaten up and I didn't want her to go through that so I kept quiet. With a lot of hurt I saw this guy move in, initially she would still talk to me and then slowly all of that changed she started getting more irritable, bear in mind during all this time I was funding her lifestyle anything she wanted I got her even when she said she was leaving. It got to the point where I told her I can't do this and asked her to leave and she said she will leave if her mum agrees I found out recently that when her mum asked her about us she lied and told her it was not serious and cos of that her mum bought the new guy in and now she is in a position where she can't get out cos she bought out the mess herself everytime I ask her about this she gets aggressive she gets defensive and puts the phone down on me. The same person who would inform me where she goes all of a sudden asks me to stop being nosey, I have never been treated so bad in life infact during all of this she still expects me to pay for her needs, I never cry but the nights I have cried my eyes out are numerous. Even today she said if her mum agrees she will leave home and come with me when I know for a fact her mum wont cos she has not told her the truth and I am forbidden from talking to her mum she put me in that position. Because of all of this my family has been upset. Sad thing is she doesn't care she seems to act like nothing is going wrong. Part of me wants to confront her mum and this new guy who doesn't know everthing but fear of loosing her stops me from doing that at the same time I am so angry for putting me through all of this and still act like its my fault she is in this position cos I didn't convert when I could forgetting the fact that shes a mature woman who could leave home instead of taking the easy route and running away. I don't know what to do anymore, All I know is I love her a lot and it hurts me seeing all this. What really gets me is that she seems so cool with all of this almost like she doesn't know me the same woman who would nearly slap me if I don't meet her once in a day now acts like she doesn't even know me. Let me know your thoughts and thanks for reading.
Satu Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 All that needs to be said is that it's over, and you need to accept it. She had a choice to make, and she made it. You are not what she chose. The biggest key to mental and emotional health is the acceptance of reality as it is. Stop contacting her, no good can come of it.
Halcyon Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) She is not a narcissist I don't see where you are pulling this from? I see a mismatch of family beliefs and she has decided doing what her family believes is more important to her. She is between a rock and a hard place and she has chosen her family. I'm sorry this sounds like a ****ty situation but you will just need to accept reality and move on. She didn't choose you. Edited January 15, 2015 by Halcyon 2
Author millionaireguy Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 I said that cos despite all of this happening she is still happy to accept my money, she said she does not want me to marry again and she has asked me to give her my house and still tell me she loves me and that she will come back except she does not know when.
Halcyon Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I said that cos despite all of this happening she is still happy to accept my money, she said she does not want me to marry again and she has asked me to give her my house and still tell me she loves me and that she will come back except she does not know when. Why are you giving her money? More importantly why are you giving her money with the expectation of something in return? She can still love you but her families faith has become between you and her. Her family are probably telling her that they will disown her if she marries outside her faith. This is a lose lose situation for you. You really need to move on unless you are going to convert. This is why I don't date religious types I'm not willing to convert to any religion. 2
elaine567 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I shouldn't approach her mum cos if I did she would get beaten up and I didn't want her to go through that so I kept quiet. . This is a religious problem and she is in no position to go against her families wishes, to do so would dishonour her family, so whilst she may have feelings for you, she can do nothing about it. You have to walk away, there is nothing you can do here. 1
Author millionaireguy Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 She was going to leave home last year and I stopped her from doing so because I knew she loves her family and I wanted them to agree as well had I been selfish she would be with me now, its not even about the fact that religion plays a part shes not a child she can always leave she always loved the attention and used to tell me that its sad we will have a quiet wedding I know she wants people to notice her always what upsets me is the fact that after being together for 6 years all of a sudden when some guy chats her up she falls for it. I know her feelings for me were true I have seen her come back to work after getting beaten up, I have been threatened by her sister saying she would stab me which I laughed away agreed she has stayed with me but I have also, I caught her once years ago cheating on me and forgived her when we met she was a mess she was abused and lonely from there I picked her up polished her gave her everything she wants and now some guy who does not even know her comes in, sad part is his mum knows and I feel he knows although she keeps saying he does not.
Itspointless Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Woman and their mothers; they almost always choose for their mothers wishes. Unfortunately that is uncontrollable for you. You know if the roles were reversed, if you were Muslim and she was a catholic than your family wouldn't have made any objection. Muslim men can marry Christian and Jew woman, but their children have to be raised as Muslim. Well you probably knew that already. It sounds like she always wanted to convert you, never be someone different than you are for someone else. She is not narcissistic, but she is using you.
Author millionaireguy Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 Its not even about that its about the fact that she acts like she doesn't even know me or my family anymore, She wrote to me saying that she has to do this for now and that I should wait for her and If i love her I shouldn't marry she knows the connection we have and is using that when I tell her I can't keep paying for her she gets angry and keeps saying fine don't cos she knows I always give in. I am a straight forward person and I have been bought up that way, it hurts when the person who was like your shadow all these years turns around and stabs you. Its sad no point saying we live in the Western world but some communities will always live in the medieval age. 1
Author millionaireguy Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 Just thought I'd update met her today she was fine with me kissing her and holding her hands except when I ask her what her family has planned for her. In a way I do feel she is playing.
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