Feeling guilty about sex

[nyfan1992]

I have been dating my girlfriend for a month now and everything couldn't be better. We are very happy together and have been having so much fun together. I really couldn't be happier right now.

 

We've had sex a few times and it's always been good. I usually last long and she's never once complained and has seemed really into it the entire time. The only issue is that I'm starting to feel guilty because I'm the only one who finishes and I can't get her off. She says she never has before and seems content with that.

 

I've only gone down on her once and she's told me she doesn't really like that. I will finger her and rub her clit and am more than happy to keep going until she's satisfied but after a few minutes she pulls my hand away and says she wants to have sex.

 

I'm concerned because this is literally what happened with my ex and sex became an issue for our relationship. I would always feel frustrated that I couldn't get her off and angry that she wouldn't make the situation easier by giving me a chance to do it by letting me go down on her. I don't want to go through this again with my current girlfriend.

 

Since this is the second girlfriend in a row who doesn't want me to go down on her and try getting her off im worried that it's a problem with me. What can I do or say to make this situation better? We haven't talked about this before, as I don't want to bring it up and make a big deal out of it. Everything has been going so well and I don't want to bring in any unnecessary drama. What should I do?

[slizl]

Your GF doesn't like when you go down on her? Might want to consider marrying that one .

 

In all seriousness, you have been together one month. She might need more time (and a few conversations) to feel comfortable with telling you how she works sexually. Don't be pushy, but bring it up from time to time.

[Danda]

Make it clear to her that you really want to give her an orgasm and that's it's very important to you. Don't give in so easily when she stops you, but keep it very positive with your insistence that you really want to get her off.

 

A lot of women feel too self-conscious to orgasm in front of a partner until they are reeeally comfortable with that partner, so also be ready to give it more time.

 

Also, it is generally much more difficult for a woman to orgasm from stimulation from a partner than it is for a man. It often takes longer and a lot more focus.

 

On top of that, a lot of women are used to men being selfish, pushy and lazy. It's so common place that many women won't even think twice of it if they rarely if ever get an orgasm from their male partner. Pretty pathetic but true none the less.

 

So not only do we take longer and more focus, but then it's like many of us are conditioned to feel like we're being "selfish" if our partner actually takes the time and effort.

 

And then on top of that, many of us are also conditioned (via hearsay, experience or both) to perceive that men have such fragile egos in the bedroom that it's better to fake it or pretend it's not important, than to actually try to get off. There can be a lot of pressure on a woman to orgasm during sex, lest her partner have an ego-meltdown. Even a woman's orgasm still often winds up really being about the feelings of the guy. And pressure does not help a woman orgasm, like at all.

 

Then there is stuff like body image issues, repressed sexuality, etc.

 

Best way to go about it is to make it seem like working on her for a long time and getting her to orgasm would be the best thing ever, second only to maybe being granted immortality. If she believes it's for you, and that you're enjoying pleasuring her almost more than she enjoys it herself, and there is 0 pressure on her to 'perform' - then the chances of it happening are substantially higher.

 

Also there are various purely-sexual tips to help out, like making sure she can ultimately control the rhythm (because women's bodies sort of get possessed when we're close to climaxing). Or that consistent, steady pressure motion is better than sporadic teasing stuff when it's time to go for the finish line.

 

But if you really do enjoy pleasuring your partner and getting them off, don't give up. A lot of men are lazy and selfish in bed, which in turn makes men who are good in bed kind of rare, which means that simply being a good lover (one who actually cares about his partner's experience) seriously raises your overall value as a lover. It's something to feel very good about and take pride in, and will ultimately strengthen an otherwise healthy relationship even more. You're like the equivalent of a woman who gets married and still wants sex 20 years into it, haha. So don't get discouraged, your attitude is great. Just give it time and keep it super positive and no-pressure. It'll happen.

[pteromom]

What can I do or say to make this situation better?

 

Trust her when she says she is satisfied, and let her know that if she ever wants to try something different to try to orgasm, that you are always open to try anything she wants.

 

Then drop it.

 

Pressuring her into anything is just going to backfire and she'll want to avoid sex.

 

For a lot of women - especially young women - it isn't about getting off. It's about feeling loved and desired and connected. So kiss her, hold her, and show her you want her.

 

And don't worry about her orgasm if she isn't worried about it.

[Awon Apanilerin]

A man's ego will always be his downfall. Stop equating your worth to your ability to make a woman orgasm. If she pulls you head up anytime you try to eat her out, give her a good pounding, wash up and go to bed.

 

Being pushy about satisfying her will only make her push further away. She will come to you on her own time. Until then, just f*ck her good and go about your daily business.

 

Women feed off the energy of their partner and feeling guilty about sex will only make her feel guilty as well.

[aggie382]

Either she really doesn't like your technique, or she's got some insecurities about her body and enjoying one-sided pleasure. Both things can be worked through.

[Ebelskiver]

For women sex can be awesome both with and without an orgasm. But I can tell you, if you make this into a "thing" it will just frustrate her and make her uncomfortable.

 

You can buy a vibrator and use that during sex for clitoral stimulation, but don't go on some rampage for her orgasm. My first boyfriend was like that and it just ruined the whole thing.

 

Listen to what she has to say about it. Maybe you acan agree to try to give her an orgasm once or twice a week, but otherwise you leave her alone about it.