Reysa09 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I was dating this guy back in june, we broke up in september. We had alot of trust issues and such but i still wanted to be with him, so we continued to have sex up until December. I got tired of waiting on him to take me back but still wanting sex so i moved on. He tried to get in contact with me after I moved on with someone else. Saying he 'wanted to see where my head was and give things another shot'. So me being a FOOL, i left the man that did NOTHING WRONG to me so i could be with my ex. Come to find out he was 'conversing' with a new female. He brought her a hat for christmas and took her out to eat. He claims that theyre just 'cool' but he tells her things like 'good morning beautiful' ur on my mind' and he posts these things on twitter so i can see. So this past weekend we met up and had sex...(me and him hardly talk or text anymore) but he was kissing me on my lips and holding me while we slept and he didnt even use protection. I talked to him on the phone yesterday and he admits he loves me and wants to be with me but he doesnt TRUST me. I cry to him and beg him to take me back and talk to me a little more but he always says he still has animosity towards me and I just dont understand why he still reaches out to me and has sex and kisses me when hes not ready to move on from the past...and yes hes still talking to that girl which he claims he hasnt slept with because his loyalty is real for me. He claims he just wants me to get myself together. Help me ???
Author Reysa09 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 I was dating this guy back in june, we broke up in september. We had alot of trust issues and such but i still wanted to be with him, so we continued to have sex up until December. I got tired of waiting on him to take me back but still wanting sex so i moved on. He tried to get in contact with me after I moved on with someone else. Saying he 'wanted to see where my head was and give things another shot'. So me being a FOOL, i left the man that did NOTHING WRONG to me so i could be with my ex. Come to find out he was 'conversing' with a new female. He brought her a hat for christmas and took her out to eat. He claims that theyre just 'cool' but he tells her things like 'good morning beautiful' ur on my mind' and he posts these things on twitter so i can see. So this past weekend we met up and had sex...(me and him hardly talk or text anymore) but he was kissing me on my lips and holding me while we slept and he didnt even use protection. I talked to him on the phone yesterday and he admits he loves me and wants to be with me but he doesnt TRUST me. I cry to him and beg him to take me back and talk to me a little more but he always says he still has animosity towards me and I just dont understand why he still reaches out to me and has sex and kisses me when hes not ready to move on from the past...and yes hes still talking to that girl which he claims he hasnt slept with because his loyalty is real for me. He claims he just wants me to get myself together. Help me ???
Poppy47 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 It's very simple... you give him sex, he has sex. Stop and find yourself a guy who isn't messing around. Poppy. 2
evanescentworld Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 It's very simple... you give him sex, he has sex. Stop and find yourself a guy who isn't messing around. Poppy. Exactly. He has sex with you, because you cheapen yourself and have sex with him. He is using you because you comply. Quit talking to him, seeing him, engaging with him or have anything to do with him - and for GOD'S sake - do NOT have unprotected sex with the man!! Are you insane?? The best form of contraceptive is the word "NO!!" use it - and ditch this guy - and quit being his fu(kbuddy!! 1
Author Reysa09 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 Do you think that all he wants is sex ?? Why isnt he having sex with his new friend ?
GirlStillStrong Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 You are not owning your sexuality, your body, your self. You are messing around with this guy and don't even know what you want, and are looking to him to make up your mind. Bad idea. Never let a man decide your life for you. You need to get clear on what you want for your life, REAL clear, REAL specific. Once you do that, you can set appropriate boundaries and weed out the people who do not meet your requirements. This guy's not it. You're just hyperfocusing on him and being with him because there is something you like about him. Time to move on and find someone new; but that someone is YOU. Who are you meant to be? 2
evanescentworld Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Do you think that all he wants is sex ?? Why isnt he having sex with his new friend ?How do you know he isn't?? Because he told you that? If he's lying, he's having sex with both of you. Whoopeee! If he isn't lying, he's having sex with you, because she won't, and he wants sex, so he gets it from you! He's just USING YOU FOR SEX!! WITHOUT PROTECTION!! That's how little he cares about you! How old are you, exactly?? 1
applej4 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Ha! He wants you to get yourself together. That's a good one. He's using you for sex and you're allowing it. You're not his girlfriend. Kick him to the curb. 1
elaine567 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Reysa you seem to have two threads asking basically the same question. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/511116-he-says-he-loves-me-but-he-has-new-friend
Satu Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 You are showing him that you value yourself at zero. Never do that with any man, ever. 1
preraph Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Because he wants SEX. And not just from you but other women as well. He will say whatever it takes. And you're both irresponsible if you're letting him have unprotected sex with you. This isn't a relationship. 1
me85 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Run! Run for your life! He is using you for sex. Plain and simple. He's not loyal to you at all. The girl he's being cute with on twitter for you to see probably isn't giving it up to him so...that's where you come in. Please go back to moving on. Good luck! 2
Deidre Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 (edited) I'm sorry this happened to you... I dated someone like this a few years ago, and I felt like I was going crazy after a while. I looked up his behavior and was directed to a site discussing narcissistic personality disorder. You should look that up, as he sounds like he has some or a lot of those traits. Narcissists love to control people and situations, they lie a lot...and play an endless game of cat and mouse with their exes. They often never let go of exes, because they like to keep them around as 'friends' in case they need them at a later date. They are manipulative, and dating one or breaking up with one, is most unpleasant. Something else to note about them...they often are always 'triangling' women ...like they'll be dating one person, but there's always some other woman in the background that he assures you 'means nothing.' I'm not a jealous type of person, but he wanted to make me feel insecure and jealous...ugh, I look back at that guy and cringe as to what I tolerated. I'd look up that disorder. The best way to deal with one, is to go no contact...I hope you get to feeling better soon. ((hug)) Edited January 16, 2015 by Deidre 4
Deidre Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Something else to note about narcissists AFTER you end things, and go NO CONTACT...is... They don't like giving away the control to you. They will do whatever it takes to regain that position of power in your life. The texts and voicemails may sound like this : ''I miss you, I need you...I won't ever treat you bad again.'' Or some variation thereof...but it's all a trick to regain that position of control over you. I've broken NC a few times with toxic ex bf's...and paid the price. Once they regain control, they hurt you worse than before you broke up the first time. They don't miss us. They miss the game of controlling us. Once a narcissist finds others to be his/her victim...you will no longer be needed. This is why some disappear and don't ever reach back out and leave their victims wondering what happened. Be strong. <3
kendahke Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I just dont understand why he still reaches out to me and has sex and kisses me when hes not ready to move on from the past.. He does it because you let him. It's really that simple. You never should have left a man who did nothing wrong to be with a man who does nothing but wrong. Ex's are ex's for a reason. 1
kendahke Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Do you think that all he wants is sex ?? Why isnt he having sex with his new friend ? Perhaps because she knows that he's screwing you. Or maybe he's lying and he's been smashing it for some time now. He can tell you anything. The only way you know if he is or isn't is by being in the bedroom with them and you're not. So assume that he is. And you need to go get checked for STD's because you dont' know what he's been doing and who with. Do not have sex with him and certainly do not have sex without protection.
bachdude Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I hate to say this Reysa09, but a lot of guys will think nothing of having sex with someone they do not care about or have any interest in. This is the cold reality of the situation. You think by giving him sex he will come back to you. It just doesn't work that way. He's just a world of hurt for you and he will not change, no matter how much sex you give him or how often you beg him to take you back. 1
spiderowl Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) Honestly, the guy is not going to give you anything but sex, and cold sex at that by the sound of it. He says he doesn't trust YOU, basically because he knows he has a wandering eye and he's projecting that on to you. You are letting him have you for absolutely nothing in return - in fact I would go as far as to say he's insulting you by saying he doesn't trust you when he is the untrustworthy one. It's clear he likes this other woman and he's chatting her up barefaced in front of you. You say he had sex with you without protection. You do have a say in this you know. You can refuse him sex. You just make it sound almost like he forced himself on you and you had a duty to oblige him despite your misgivings. Your head and heart is telling you the guy is a loser, same as you knew before. You sound as if you can't help but let him dominate you. I would think carefully about that, whether you have a need for a man who will dominate you. You deserve so much better than this guy's withholding behaviour and lies. He gets what he wants; you get nothing but a brief spell of his time. I'm really sorry you are in this position but as you pretty much noted earlier, you are choosing to be with him and you dumped the other guy who WAS treating you respectfully. Please think carefully about why you let this awful character have such a hold over you. He can't do a thing if you refuse to go along with it. Why not take your freedom back, dump him and if necessary go and get a pregnancy check. You are putting yourself at risk. This strikes me as akin to an abusive relationship. You might find the abuse forum gives you some insights into why you are allowing this guy to exercise power over you. Edited January 17, 2015 by spiderowl 1
kendahke Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 you can't sex a man into a relationship he has no intention on getting into.
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