hiswifehisloss Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Iv been married for almost 2 yrs now. Me and my husband separated back in july of 14 and we didn't talk over the separation much. I did miss him but in my search to find what I wanted. I was blind sided by meeting a guy I work with. We hooked up quite a lot. the sex is amazing and almost too good to be true. We work together and that makes the urge to be with each other that much harder to fight. I try to fight the feelings that I have for this man. I want to work my marriage out. im just so sexually drawn to this man and I love my husband but he doesn't put as much effort into pleasing me as my co-worker. My husband also lacks in the care of his hygiene and it's a huge turn off for me. My husband said that I shouldn't be scared to tell him how to please me but the timing is all im worried about. what do I do and can I get the sex with my husband to change?
Author hiswifehisloss Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
CALOVELY Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Iv been married for almost 2 yrs now. Me and my husband separated back in july of 14 and we didn't talk over the separation much. I did miss him but in my search to find what I wanted. I was blind sided by meeting a guy I work with. We hooked up quite a lot. the sex is amazing and almost too good to be true. We work together and that makes the urge to be with each other that much harder to fight. I try to fight the feelings that I have for this man. I want to work my marriage out. im just so sexually drawn to this man and I love my husband but he doesn't put as much effort into pleasing me as my co-worker. My husband also lacks in the care of his hygiene and it's a huge turn off for me. My husband said that I shouldn't be scared to tell him how to please me but the timing is all im worried about. what do I do and can I get the sex with my husband to change? If you are having marriage issues after only two years, you may want to rethink being married at all. Why do you want to work this out?
evanescentworld Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Now you're comparing. If you'd never had sex with this guy, you would have nothing to compare your H to. You can't get your H to change, simply because it's what you want, and frankly, you're trying to change him into your AP. Your H is not your colleague, and never will be. no matter how or why you want him to change, even if he does, he will never match this guy at work. You need MC. But more than that, you need to change your job because this man will never stop being a temptation for you, and the fact you still see him and engage with him, means you're still conducting an affair, even if the sex has stopped (I strongly suspect when you finally realise your H cannot change, at a whim, into what you want him to be, the sexual side of things will resume). So you either need to divorce, and pursue this affair in a legitimate light, or you need to completely quit this, leave your job, and work on your marriage, and reach a compromise. Oh and, of course, during Counselling, you WILL have to admit to your H that you're a cheater. Because otherwise, you have no right to ask him to do anything to meet your needs, if you're guilty of lying to him, and spreading your legs for another entrant, behind his back. It can't all work your way, sweetie.... 1
central Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Sometimes a marriage is a mistake, whether there is love or not. You're seeing some of the important things that are missing with your husband. However, they do not sound like insurmountable issues - if they were, then I'd say just move on. However, only you have enough information to decide which path is better for you, whether or not either man is better for you - starting over from scratch may even be best.
me85 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Seems you're in quite the pickle. /= To answer your question: Yes sex can change the way you feel about a person. Stop all communication with the man you work with. The man you've had an affair with because you're only separated from your husband...not divorced. I'm sure at some point your husband will ask you if you've been seeing anyone since the separation and you'll have to tell him the truth. I hope you do. You should be open and honest with your husband about everything. Tell him what turns you on and off. Counseling may be the way to go in this case. People do it all the time and I'm sure it helps them a world over. Good luck! 1
oldshirt Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 It is impossible to reconcile a failing marriage while having an affair with OM. you can't work on a marriage and give your H a fair chance while you are full of Suzy hormones from a new and exciting lover. Any time and energy you spend in counseling and in working with your H on the marriage is throw out the window the next time you are with OM. Either let H go so he's not strung along wasting his life and you can bang OM unrestricted. Or go 100% no contact with OM and devote yourself fully to reconciling with your H and that will include being honest with him about his hygiene and what he needs to do to turn you on and satisfy you.
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