NopeNah Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Just read all my old threads..What a train wreck of a relationship! I don't know what her or I were ever thinking! It's actually embarrassing how it must look to my friends/family. Blinders anyone? 2
Eighty_nine Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I look back at the thread I made when I joined this site and shudder, but I'm glad it's there.... 1) reminds me what a POS the guy who broke my heart was 2) reminds me how far I've come in healing over these last 5 months 3
sober and dry Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Reading my "old" threats helps me a lot!
Author NopeNah Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 I had forgotten a lot of stuff! But nothing had ever changed since 2009...It's always been the same. haha..good lawd!
Chin Up Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 hahaha! I read through mine the other day, and wooo! I sure was confused and emo. I won't deny that I still have the odd random pangs of hurt or anger when I think of certain things, but I'd say I'm like..idk...90% over it. It makes me laugh and feel embarrassed now that I needed this site to get over him. Not to say I'm not grateful for the advice and slaps when I needed them, but I think back to who I was with and what happened and it all seems so silly that I was struggling with the breakup at all . ahhh...*hiding my face* haha.
blackcat777 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 (edited) It makes me happy to see everyone's responses in this thread, and I think it's these kinds of messages that are important for the record and for everyone to read while they're in the heat of the struggle. I am so, so, sososososo glad I never sent my man any of the letters I wrote while we were apart. I also never ever had my heart shattered before, and the whole experience definitely changed me as a person. I have grown personally. I'm grounded in myself as a source of strength, and I acquired a very special dimension of empathy for those dealing with loss that I previously lacked. My own pain made me reflect on the pain I caused others and I felt humiliated and ashamed of some of my actions in the past (unrelated to this breakup); this was an additional struggle caused by the breakup I had to come to terms with. While I did get back together with my boyfriend and I think the whole experience made us stronger... stronger as people (we both grew) and stronger together (treasuring each moment and taking nothing for granted)... it's not like the whole experience of the breakup, all the pain and everything else just *POOF!* disappeared after the fact. We're both committed and moving forward, I feel like I can stop worrying, let go, and really trust him, but the breakup left an emotional mark that occasionally surfaces in strange ways. My boyfriend plays the mandolin. He has this airy, plucky way of playing it and it makes the most beautiful sound. He sings, too, and I love his voice. He always used to play for me, and I loved it. The other night, he played I Miss You by Blink 182 and I LOST IT. I missed him so much, I missed everything about the way he played me music, I was so happy that he was finally here in my room playing me songs again. He said the song was for me, and it could definitely be construed as a dumper's regret, it was like all the things I wondered for so long if he was thinking and he poured it all out... He held me while I cried, he got all emotional. I said I never wanted to miss him again. He held me so tightly. I was over the breakup to the point of functioning normally before my boyfriend came back. We also cleared all of our issues and had a really awesome, solid month together before the night he played me that song. But, getting back together didn't negate the experience. It didn't negate the pain. All I can do... and all we can do together is handle it in the healthiest way possible, and that for me means honoring the pain. It's mostly gone, but when it does pop up, I allow myself to feel it, and to honor that feeling; my boyfriend does the same, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't know if I can ever look back and laugh or roll my eyes. Hats off to anyone who can. But, I don't look back anymore and cry. I don't feel the need to look back, or to think about it. I'm not angry, and I found the positives in the experience. I do feel like it left a lasting mark... I guess it's comparable to a really traumatic car accident I had. I'm left with one tiny scar that's almost invisible, but it's still there. I no longer have nightmares about the car smashing, I'm no longer stuck in an existential dilemma from the first direct experience of my mortality, I no longer clench up when someone else brakes in the rain... but there is that one tiny mark that adds a bit of character, I suppose. I wish I could say it was silly. I know I drove my best friend insane. Some of the things I said and thought were completely ridiculous, but that's because the pain was so very real. I now appreciate how pain can push people to the point of utter ridiculousness and I will never again judge a person for it. It makes me appreciate those with the strength to persevere that much more. Edited January 16, 2015 by blackcat777
ralfgarnett Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I don't know what I would of done without this and another website, I am still not good but when I read my first post I can detect just how shocked and desperate I was, still am sometimes but I think my thoughts are slightly better measured and thought through than they were back then and this tells me that perhaps I have made some kind of progress although sometimes I cant see or feel it, still early days though for me, 6 months apart after 20 years together, I wonder what she thinks and feels after this amount of time, I hope she hurts like hell and suffers badly for her actions.
EmperorR Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 It's great. I remember when I first came here in 2008 after my first big breakup, sometimes I read my old threads again and it's wow. I feel nothing for that person anymore, it also helps as you go through other breakups in life, just knowing I did it once I can do it again.
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