Clay Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Hope she gets better. So glad that you are taking care of the kids and not her and the OM. I agree with this a thousand times. So many times I hear cheaters say they are not bad parents. Its like arguing with a alcoholic that they have a problem. They are so deep in there own BS they can't really see the difference from right and wrong. It is really nice to see your doing the right things in your life and showing your children that there is a normal decent way of life. Clay 2
BetrayedH Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Of course, the only constant thing in life is change... Mom's condition took a pretty serious turn today. Without getting into too many specifics, she has to have major surgery in the next couple days. Pop reversed himself, saying that WW should be told. So, I got the number from D16 and sent the text. No response, but I don't expect one. I fulfilled Pop's wishes. Good choice. 1
Author billy baru Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 LOL. So this morning I get this from ETBXW... "Thanks for letting me know. How is she?". I'm going to wait a day ( or 2 or 3), then text back " Your dad has the details". If she wants to know sooner than that, she has Pop's number. She'll just have to try to catch him at home, he's spending every waking hour where he should be, at his wife's bedside. Twit. 1
Author billy baru Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 Hope she gets better. So glad that you are taking care of the kids and not her and the OM. I agree with this a thousand times. So many times I hear cheaters say they are not bad parents. Its like arguing with a alcoholic that they have a problem. They are so deep in there own BS they can't really see the difference from right and wrong. It is really nice to see your doing the right things in your life and showing your children that there is a normal decent way of life. Clay Thanks gents. Family comes first.
BetrayedH Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 LOL. So this morning I get this from ETBXW... "Thanks for letting me know. How is she?". I'm going to wait a day ( or 2 or 3), then text back " Your dad has the details". If she wants to know sooner than that, she has Pop's number. She'll just have to try to catch him at home, he's spending every waking hour where he should be, at his wife's bedside. Twit. I'd just get it over with if it were me (with something like, "You should probably find out.") but at this point, it can also be said that you've done more than you needed to do.
Author billy baru Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 In the last 4 years I lost both my parents, my mom to complications from a long battle with Parkinsons. That your wife, would not be there for her elderly mothers surgery is just so heart breaking. You are a good son in law. I wish the best for you going forward in your life. Thanks dichotomy. They're my folks. Sorry to hear about your parents. You know first hand what Parkinson's does to someone. It's hard to see the degeneration in Mom, but she knows that she has Pop, me and the kids in her corner.
Author billy baru Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 I'd just get it over with if it were me (with something like, "You should probably find out.") but at this point, it can also be said that you've done more than you needed to do. Yeah, maybe BH. I just don't want to open a huge conversation with her. NC and the 180 have been awesome, & I want to get back up to 50k feet quickly. Plus, I get the feeling that if I text back any sooner, her thinking would be " oh, even though it took me days to respond, my BH texted me back immediately ".. Let her stew. She truly has no clue of the wasteland her life has become outside of her affair bubble. Its not going to be pretty when she does. 1
toolforgrowth Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Yeah, maybe BH. I just don't want to open a huge conversation with her. NC and the 180 have been awesome, & I want to get back up to 50k feet quickly. Plus, I get the feeling that if I text back any sooner, her thinking would be " oh, even though it took me days to respond, my BH texted me back immediately ".. Let her stew. She truly has no clue of the wasteland her life has become outside of her affair bubble. Its not going to be pretty when she does. No need to reply at all. It's not like she doesn't have their contact info...if she wanted to find out, she really could. You fulfilled the request by letting her know. You have no further obligation in regards to continued contact with your ex, IMO. 1
BetrayedH Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Yeah, maybe BH. I just don't want to open a huge conversation with her. NC and the 180 have been awesome, & I want to get back up to 50k feet quickly. I hear you but my gut says you're not going to slide down some slippery slope. You're tougher than that. Besides, if you wanna get back up to 50k feet, get it over with. Plus, I get the feeling that if I text back any sooner, her thinking would be " oh, even though it took me days to respond, my BH texted me back immediately ".. Let her stew. I hear you but honestly, who cares what she thinks? Let her think whatever crazy sh*t she wants. This was about trying to help out your inlaws. I'm not judging you at all here - just trying to be a thought-partner. Personally, I'd rather not see what your wife 'might' think as any basis for your decision. Don't give her that power. Rise above the nonsense. This is about your inlaws wanting an opportunity to connect with their daughter when her mother has had a serious health scare. Personally, I think it would be a show of strength on your part. Just my $.02. At the end of the day, you've already done more than you needed to do.
GorillaTheater Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 The "heritage" is no longer hers to collect. Mom and Pop took care of that via attorney a few months back. My kids are sole inheritors. How bad is it that when I read this, my first thought was that this is probably the only thing out of the series of recent events that will distress your ex at all. 2
Author billy baru Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 I hear you but my gut says you're not going to slide down some slippery slope. You're tougher than that. Besides, if you wanna get back up to 50k feet, get it over with. I hear you but honestly, who cares what she thinks? Let her think whatever crazy sh*t she wants. This was about trying to help out your inlaws. I'm not judging you at all here - just trying to be a thought-partner. Personally, I'd rather not see what your wife 'might' think as any basis for your decision. Don't give her that power. Rise above the nonsense. This is about your inlaws wanting an opportunity to connect with their daughter when her mother has had a serious health scare. Personally, I think it would be a show of strength on your part. Just my $.02. At the end of the day, you've already done more than you needed to do. Nah, I appreciate the feedback, BH. Believe me, I dont give a rodent's hindquarters what she thinks. Maybe I should have stated that I do not want to give her the impression that I was breathlessly waiting for her response just so I could text back. She's been a spoiled brat for her entire life ( yes, I contributed to that during our M), and expects everything her way. If she wants to know about her mom, she knows how to contact Pop. I have decided to not respond at all. I talked to Pop a little while ago, and offered to give him his daughter's number. No dice. I'm deleting it off of my phone as well. I did save the two texts just in case there's a "I never knew about my mom" somewhere down the line. Back to 50 k I go. 2
Author billy baru Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 How bad is it that when I read this, my first thought was that this is probably the only thing out of the series of recent events that will distress your ex at all. Nope, your first thought was the right one. That'll be the devastating one, unquestionably.
BetrayedH Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Nah, I appreciate the feedback, BH. Believe me, I dont give a rodent's hindquarters what she thinks. Maybe I should have stated that I do not want to give her the impression that I was breathlessly waiting for her response just so I could text back. She's been a spoiled brat for her entire life ( yes, I contributed to that during our M), and expects everything her way. If she wants to know about her mom, she knows how to contact Pop. I have decided to not respond at all. I talked to Pop a little while ago, and offered to give him his daughter's number. No dice. I'm deleting it off of my phone as well. I did save the two texts just in case there's a "I never knew about my mom" somewhere down the line. Back to 50 k I go. So be it. She made her bed. She can lie in it. I just wanted you to be able to be proud of your own actions. And if that included helping your FiL get in touch with hsi daughter, I didn't want to see your ex stop you from doing that. Sounds like your FiL thinks you've done enough. 1
merrmeade Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 Pop reversed himself, saying that WW should be told. So, I got the number from D16 and sent the text. No response, but I don't expect one. I fulfilled Pop's wishes.This really worried me when I read it. You'd been so good about protecting yourself for so long. I didn't see why you had to break NC and wondered why you didn't give the number to your dad. Especially when you said what she wrote back and that you planned to text her back in a day. Even though you were just going to say that her dad has the details, you still have that number and are stewing on what you could say, what you might say. So it was a big relief to read this:...I dont give a rodent's hindquarters what she thinks. Maybe I should have stated that I do not want to give her the impression that I was breathlessly waiting for her response just so I could text back. She's been a spoiled brat for her entire life ( yes, I contributed to that during our M), and expects everything her way. If she wants to know about her mom, she knows how to contact Pop. I have decided to not respond at all. I talked to Pop a little while ago, and offered to give him his daughter's number. No dice. I'm deleting it off of my phone as well. I did save the two texts just in case there's a "I never knew about my mom" somewhere down the line. Back to 50 k I go.Yes, definitely delete that number and don't think about it any more. And if she texts you again, just summarize whatever you said before to initiate NC and embrace it as a lifebuoy again. 1
Author billy baru Posted January 23, 2015 Author Posted January 23, 2015 Thanks merrmeade. Nah, if she texts me again, I'm blocking the number. We have zero to communicate about. ( I did think it was pretty telling that even Pop didn't want the number) The reason that Pop asked D16 or I to inform ETBXW was because he figured that she wouldn't answer a phone call, and he doesn't text. After some thought and input from y'all here, I decided that it wasn't fair to ask D16 to pass the news along. So I did it. She has no interest in being anything except for an alcoholic and a sperm receptacle. Sad, but not my problem. I hope she gets help someday when karma finds her. I have a daughter to finish raising and folks to take care of. Ain't got time for any distractions. 2
merrmeade Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Thanks merrmeade. Nah, if she texts me again, I'm blocking the number. We have zero to communicate about. ( I did think it was pretty telling that even Pop didn't want the number) The reason that Pop asked D16 or I to inform ETBXW was because he figured that she wouldn't answer a phone call, and he doesn't text. After some thought and input from y'all here, I decided that it wasn't fair to ask D16 to pass the news along. So I did it. She has no interest in being anything except for an alcoholic and a sperm receptacle. Sad, but not my problem. I hope she gets help someday when karma finds her. I have a daughter to finish raising and folks to take care of. Ain't got time for any distractions.Sounds like you're in a good place. My H and OW have had NC, no problem. I'm hoping that soon I will as well. There've been family obligations to deal with that should be finished in a couple of months. She's my recently deceased brother's widow. I found in the beginning that she essentially thumbed her nose at the NC with my H that I had tried to communicate to her. It did not happen until he informed her himself unequivocally never to contact him again. She hasn't broken it, and I have no concern that she will. Her interactions with me have become fewer and further between. I think she's getting it, but the problem is the messiness of life. Other relationships and family matters come up that make communication necessary. I hate it a lot more than you do, I think, so good for you. I think the need for NC must depend on the effect the potential contact has. I just hope, now that you've contacted your ex-, she doesn't misinterpret and repeat the contact. It's better when the rules are clear, and they abide by them. I'd hate to see her take this as an opening and abuse the access for whatever whim. I guess if that happened you could block her and/or tell her again, if she hadn't figured it out, that NC is still in effect. 1
Author billy baru Posted January 24, 2015 Author Posted January 24, 2015 I don't expect her to contact me again. She has no reason to. Sounds like your situation is a bit more fluid than mine.. Hang in there and just take things one day at a time...
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