jcm101 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 So on NYE she told me she loved me for first time we've been with each other 7 months. Thing is, she was clearly drunk. Not crazy drunk but not sober. I said it back. Days pass and neither of us say it so I say it one night in bed and she says it back rather low and quickly. Again days pass and she doesn't say it. This is my first real gf so I'm maybe I'm just over analyzing this but idk I feel confused.
Light Breeze Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Maybe she's just shy or the type that gets uncomfortable uttering the L word. Good thing is she said it to you when she was sober. Why not get her out on a romantic escapade or something similar and at the right "moment" look into her eyes and say it. 1
organizedchaos Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 So on NYE she told me she loved me for first time we've been with each other 7 months. Thing is, she was clearly drunk. Not crazy drunk but not sober. I said it back. Days pass and neither of us say it so I say it one night in bed and she says it back rather low and quickly. Again days pass and she doesn't say it. This is my first real gf so I'm maybe I'm just over analyzing this but idk I feel confused. 7 months is plenty of time to have fallen in love with someone. She's probably shy. And you are over analyzing it. Enjoy it.
Danda Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I think often for the partner who says it first, there can be a bit of anxiety that they are saying it too soon or something, like it will possibly freak out their SO, or their SO won't feel the same way, ever or yet. It's a major vulnerability move for people who say it first and mean it. And then a lot of people aren't sure how often they are 'supposed' to say it, and there can be anxiety over whether or not saying it only when they feel moved to do so will not be enough for their partner's reassurance (or even too much). My second boyfriend was definitely a verbal "love language" sort of a person. I am definitely not. Typically it is only with close friends that I can feel comfortable saying it, and even then not very often will I say it. My second boyfriend was the type who would say it multiple times a day, and it always made me feel super awkward and uncomfortable. I wouldn't always say it back. I almost never said it first. This was before I even knew what "love languages" were. So in retrospect I realize that he probably took it all sorts of wrong ways and that, honestly, it was ironically hypocritical of me to feel bitter towards him about not being physically affectionate enough, when I knew how much that word meant to him but never worked on saying it more. So, it's one of those things where it can mean a great deal to a person, or not, make one feel very vulnerable, or not, and then the frequency/timing can also be an area of distress. If your girlfriend is shy about it but it came rolling out while she was tipsy, then chances are it is important to her, but she probably has some anxiety about it, as well. If you genuinely feel that you love her, then if I were you I'd say it on occasion but not in a forced way, just during those 'moments' when the two of you are connecting, feeling romantic/cuddly/sexy or otherwise especially close. Let it be natural, not a performance. Basically show her if you genuinely feel the same in return, rather than using it as some 'test' where you are tallying who goes first and trying to analyze her reaction. Again it probably means a lot to her, so it's worth saying if you really do feel it, and yet simultaneously that probably makes a bit scary for her, to boot, that it means a lot to her. 1
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