HurtGator Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I felt things were a bit different. I was getting annnoyed with her more easily and felt less excited/ of a spark when i saw her. But getting feelings for another girl i think has made me feel even more like i see her as a friend. I am trying not to let it impact me though as my gf is the most important thing to me after so long. but it does make me think the relationship is wrong. These are ALL NORMAL behaviors after being with someone for as long as you have. Basically what you're experiencing is the end of the honeymoon phase. You've already passed through all the puppy-love, butterflies in your stomach feelings. EVERYONE goes through this phase and experiences the end of it. If all you care about in a relationship is to experience this high feeling, then you should break up with her and so that you could go jump into the next new relationship and ride it out for a couple of years or so before the high wears off with them. However, after the honeymoon period is over and the infatuation feelings are gone, your relationship turns into something that is more comfortable that is based on companionship and friendship. These are the qualities that take relationships the distance when it comes to marriage and working through issues together.
Marco Valerio Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Look, if you are thinking of giving a chance to that other girl, then yes, it's better to BU with your current GF. It is not fair to be playing in two backyards. If you feel you don't love enough your gf as you should, then it's clear for me what you should do.
HurtGator Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I dont want to stay nc. I couldnt imagine not having her as a friend. she is my best friend. i need her as a friend. i think she will be very hurt. which i hate. i do love her and her being unhappy will make me unhappy. She's your best friend, you need her as a friend after 3 years... sounds like a relationship that has matured from being all about infatuation, rainbows, and unicorns to qualities that make a relationship go the distance.
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 we have talked about it somewhat. she doesn't feel the same, she loves me hugely. i suppose only time will tell if this was right. Does that mean you two broke up?
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 no.. but she said i have been different recently and we talked about everything and are thinking about things at the moment.
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 no.. but she said i have been different recently and we talked about everything and are thinking about things at the moment. Does she know about your feelings for this co-worker?
HurtGator Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 we have talked about it somewhat. she doesn't feel the same, she loves me hugely. i suppose only time will tell if this was right. Of course she doesn't feel the same. Everyone's feelings change when the honeymoon period is over.
Holmes85 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 jonny214, Couple of things have been with my girl for 3 years. For most of it I have been so crazy in love with her, I loved her more than anything. I still love her but it doesn't feel right anymore, I don't feel IN love with her.Things are not going to be lovey dovey all the time, you are not going to have the same sparks as you once did in the beginning, you are mixing the feelings of stability, comfort & respect with "not in love", basically taking it for granted as everything is just routine now and it feels like it's not the same anymore. I feel more like she is a friend and only sometimes do I feel the spark. It is up and down.The day you decided to become intimate with her , is the day you crossed the line from friendship to a relationship. That said though I love her personality and there is nothing specific about her that I do not like.So basically she's pefect, but you don't want her? Let me tell you why. i have recently started a new job and started to have feelings for a girl thereAnd there it is.
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 she knows yes. That must be very tough and hurtful for her. Perhaps it is best to let her go.
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 she said she thought she had feelings for someone else at one point too (which she did tell me about) but she realised she didnt and realised we just needed to change some things which we did. so i think she thinks its the same. i also think she thinks it a passing crush.
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 she said she thought she had feelings for someone else at one point too (which she did tell me about) but she realised she didnt and realised we just needed to change some things which we did. so i think she thinks its the same. i also think she thinks it a passing crush. Does she know you are contacting this woman outside of work?
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 yep but i said it is because we have become friends. along with other people who all started together. she said okay but can it be reduced .i said i dont want it to be controlled so she said she will trusst i do the right thing.
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 yep but i said it is because we have become friends. along with other people who all started together. she said okay but can it be reduced .i said i dont want it to be controlled so she said she will trusst i do the right thing. Right there you made your choice. You tossed aside your girlfriends feelings on this, as this other woman is now your priority. It is time to end the relationship with your girlfriend.
runredlights Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Is your girlfriend not angry with you at all?
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 i have tried to reduce it. i just didnt want us to end up in a controlling relationship that is all i meant. but i admit reducing it has been hard. i will end the relationship. i just hope i dont one day regret it
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 she is upset. but she says she still wants us to work on our relationship by spending more time together
runredlights Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I think that's a good idea. You need to do whatever you think will make you happy. Frankly, she also deserves better too. 1
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 i have tried to reduce it. i just didnt want us to end up in a controlling relationship that is all i meant. but i admit reducing it has been hard. i will end the relationship. i just hope i dont one day regret it That is for the best. Three people do not make a relationship and it is unfair to your girlfriend to put her in a position of having to compete with this new woman.
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 when i talk to her about it it is so hard as i cant help but cry when i see her upset. but i will do it and hope its best for us both.
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 when i talk to her about it it is so hard as i cant help but cry when i see her upset. but i will do it and hope its best for us both. In the long run it will hurt her more to continue to string her along.
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 i feel so bad. i should have put more into our relationship i am beginning to see.
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 i feel so bad. i should have put more into our relationship i am beginning to see. You can turn it around if you want to but it does not sound like you want to but that would mean getting this other woman out of your life, which it does not sound like you want to. Whatever you decide, do not string anybody along and cut contact when it is over. 1
HurtGator Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I think that's a good idea. You need to do whatever you think will make you happy. Frankly, she also deserves better too. Yeah she deserves someone better who will not emotionally cheat or has wondering eyes always looking for better opportunities. The OP sounds like a branch swinger. 1
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 I havent meant to emotionally cheat and i don't think she would see it like that. this is all very recent too. but i will be open with her. thanks for all the opinions it has been helpful.
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