Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 (edited) I am not leaving for that. I wont pursue anything with the co worker. It just makes me feel things are not right. I felt this before these feelings but it has made it worse. and yes my heart is not in it the way it was before. she says if we spend time together it could be again. but i am going to let her go. i dont think i will regret it. i just hope i dont. i do think we will be friends though. i wish me and my gf could just go back to how it was before but i dont know how Edited January 16, 2015 by jonny214
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I am not leaving for that. I wont pursue anything with the co worker. It just makes me feel things are not right. I felt this before these feelings but it has made it worse. and yes my heart is not in it the way it was before. she says if we spend time together it could be again. but i am going to let her go. i dont think i will regret it. i just hope i dont. i do think we will be friends though. You wrote "Also i have recently started a new job and started to have feelings for a girl there. the connection is not as strong as when i met my gf. but it still makes me feel thing are wrong between me and my gf". Whether you realize it or not, your feelings for this other woman is part of your doubt. It sounds like you have made your mind up, so that is good. After the breakup, cut contact with your ex instead of giving her false hope. 1
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 i feel unhappy at either decision. this is so hard. my gf has given me the happiest 3 years of my life. I dont know how things can change so much. I know when I talk to her as welll I will find it so hard to break up.
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 i feel unhappy at either decision. this is so hard. my gf has given me the happiest 3 years of my life. I dont know how things can change so much. I know when I talk to her as welll I will find it so hard to break up. You have distance working against you and another woman. It is understandable that the dynamics of the relationship has changed because of that.
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 i want it to be good again i just dont know how. but when i talk to my gf she always makes it seem like we can, and its not time to give up.
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 It is not going to get better when there is somebody else in the picture. You either decide to put all your effort in your relationship with your girlfriend or you break up. You cannot straddle the fence. 1
Jimmyjackson Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 You sound exactly like my ex girlfriend, she basically went through what you're going through. Gained interest in someone else and realised that she didn't feel the same about me if someone else caught her eye. She ended it with me and it was probably for the best, people here might tell you to try work through it etc but you shouldn't have to force something. If you're not feeling it then you just aren't, nobody is at fault it just happens unfortunately. Trust your gut instinct.
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 another thing is my gf is moving to my city in august (for work) permanently so if it is the distance ,it is not indefinite. if my feeling for this other person evaoporate and i start to realise that was what caused my heart not to be in it, i might regret it
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 another thing is my gf is moving to my city in august (for work) permanently so if it is the distance ,it is not indefinite. if my feeling for this other person evaoporate and i start to realise that was what caused my heart not to be in it, i might regret it What does the bolded mean? Are you thinking about staying with your girlfriend and testing the waters with this other woman?
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 No I would never do that to my gf. I just wonder if my heart is not in the relationship because of what might be a fleeting crush. and then i could regret it.
newlyborn Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 No I would never do that to my gf. I just wonder if my heart is not in the relationship because of what might be a fleeting crush. and then i could regret it. it is the combination of the distance and your new crush that is causing both the rift in your relationship and the change in your feelings. this is not a relationship breaking down on its own (incompatibilities) but due to external circumstances. how involved are you with your crush? have you just seen her from afar and are attracted? or do you speak, spend time together, confide in each other, email and phone, etc? 1
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 known her for a few months since i started work, we are friends. we text outside of work but as friends.
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 known her for a few months since i started work, we are friends. we text outside of work but as friends. You need to read up about what is called an "emotional affair". You wrote that you have feelings for this woman and now are taking this relationship outside the office. No wonder your relationship with your girlfriend is suffering. This is not fair to her at all. 3
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 I dont want to stop being friends with this girl though. But i dont want it to be the reason things arent right. I think my heart is just not in the relationship enough. I want it to be but i dont think i can make it.
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I dont want to stop being friends with this girl though. But i dont want it to be the reason things arent right. I think my heart is just not in the relationship enough. I want it to be but i dont think i can make it. You are chosing your co-worker then. End the relationship with your girlfriend and do not string her along with future contact.
newlyborn Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 You need to read up about what is called an "emotional affair". You wrote that you have feelings for this woman and now are taking this relationship outside the office. No wonder your relationship with your girlfriend is suffering. This is not fair to her at all. agreed. you have been cheating on your girlfriend, investing time, communications, and emotions into another woman. now that things have solidified a bit with the new one, you are ready to let your girlfriend go. very sad. definitely break up with her before she moves to your city. the least that she deserves after this treatment by her longterm bf is a fresh start. 1
runredlights Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I agree that you have been emotionally cheating. It really is unfair to her. Can you honestly say that you love your gf?
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 I do love her. I feel so sad. I haven't meant to do anything wrong. I couldnt purposely hurt her i know i couldnt. I feel so confused. Its not like I talked to the girl more than my gf. and my gf knows i talk to her. although she did ask it be cut down. but it is hard as we are friends.
runredlights Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I do love her. I feel so sad. I haven't meant to do anything wrong. I couldnt purposely hurt her i know i couldnt. I feel so confused. Its not like I talked to the girl more than my gf. and my gf knows i talk to her. although she did ask it be cut down. but it is hard as we are friends. I think your definition of love is skewed. If you truly loved your girlfriend you wouldn't be flirting with a co worker and considering leaving her for someone one else. If and when it gets out through the vine tree/ social media that you've immediately jumped to someone else it will rip your girlfriends heart out. Its ok if you want to see other people and you're young so that's fine, but don't kid yourself that you have true love for this person you claim to love. Just be honest when you do break up and tell her your intentions. It will make it much easier for her to not want to be with you too. Do you deny that you have not been emotionally cheating though?
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 my intention is not to pursue this girl. I do love her. to see her in pain puts me in my pain. to see her happy makes me happy. the in love feelings feel weak. i will end it if things cant be right again though. which it seems tehy cant
towardthefuture Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 my intention is not to pursue this girl. I do love her. to see her in pain puts me in my pain. to see her happy makes me happy. the in love feelings feel weak. i will end it if things cant be right again though. which it seems tehy cant Relationships ebb and flow. They go through stages. If you leave when a relationship hits a rut, you'll do it in your next relationship. Or maybe not, it's up to you and you need to decide what you want. It seems you want to leave. That's fair. A lot of couples split up after the honeymoon stage when it gets to the attachment stage. It seems you want to go jump ship and look for excitement. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that, you might just be at a different stage in your life than your girlfriend or want different things. Nevertheless, the road you are going down is going to make both of you unhappy. If you break up before you do any more damage to her trust you will leave more possibility for reconciliation down the road, being friends, or at least not devastating her as much.
runredlights Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Relationships ebb and flow. They go through stages. If you leave when a relationship hits a rut, you'll do it in your next relationship. Or maybe not, it's up to you and you need to decide what you want. It seems you want to leave. That's fair. A lot of couples split up after the honeymoon stage when it gets to the attachment stage. It seems you want to go jump ship and look for excitement. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that, you might just be at a different stage in your life than your girlfriend or want different things. Nevertheless, the road you are going down is going to make both of you unhappy. If you break up before you do any more damage to her trust you will leave more possibility for reconciliation down the road, being friends, or at least not devastating her as much. Exactly. Look I'm not trying to berate you or make you feel bad. I do however think she deserves to be with someone who can reciprocate the feelings which you seem to not be able to give. Who knows? Maybe she feels the same way and has been internalizing it like you. Just be very honest with yourself and girlfriend when you have this talk. I was cheated on by someone like you who had been emotionally detaching from the relationship so my advice to you would be the break up before your feelings get any stronger. Plan on whatever decision you make to be very permanent. Let's not get into reconciliation right now. You and your girl may not ever be the same after this. 2
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 we have talked about it somewhat. she doesn't feel the same, she loves me hugely. i suppose only time will tell if this was right.
runredlights Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 we have talked about it somewhat. she doesn't feel the same, she loves me hugely. i suppose only time will tell if this was right. Do what you need to do man. Try to be as honest and compassionate as possible.
Author jonny214 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 we tried to talk about it before and she told me to stop saying what i thought was right and tell ehr what i wanted and i did - i wanted it to be like it was before and to be with her. she said it could be but nothings changed. i know she will say i havent tried though. its just so confusing. but i will talk to her and see .
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