Date Threatens Suicide!

January 15, 2015

But she IS making a suicidal threat! And wouldn't you rather her be embarrassed and alive than dead?

Also, having the police talk to her would help her realize how out of balance she is. It's not as if 5 squad cars are going to pull up sirens blaring. She'll have a couple officers visit her at home.

For someone to actually come out and SAY that they are suicidal means that she must really be hurting because there are so many societal and cultural taboos against it.

Who cares how embarrassed she is!? If the police visit her and stress you don't want to hear from her again, she won't contact you. Also, you know you can block her from calling, texting, and e-mailing right? You really don't HAVE to hear from her unless you want to on some level.

Having had a few patients commit suicide while being much more vague than she is being, I would err on the side of caution.

January 15, 2015

She ended it last night.

I said "Goodbye ______."

Then she sent the message today. What more closure is needed? Besides, doesn't everyone on LS agree that we never get closure from other people?

January 15, 2015

I think it's clear that she is bluffing. Sycamore already said goodbye to her last night on the phone. She reached out this morning to Sycamore and mentioned suicide because she knows that word is a trigger word for people.

Just leave it, Sycamore. Don't keep emailing her. She just wants attention.

January 15, 2015

She ended it last night.

I said "Goodbye ______."

Then she sent the message today. What more closure is needed? Besides, doesn't everyone on LS agree that we never get closure from other people?

It seemed like an apology to me, an effort to explain her behavior.

It would be kind to accept it and wish her well.

January 15, 2015

Long story short:

Met a girl on OKC. I knew she had some baggage. She and I shared similar stories(live-in exes cheated). I found her attractive. I courted her for about two weeks. We never had sex. She did come over to my place one night and we made out.

By the third date I knew it was too much for me. Her insecurities were through the roof. Yesterday evening she was supposed to come over for dinner and stay the night. She sensed my distancing via text and provoked an argument. I told her that her insecurities were more than I could handle. She was angry, accused me of manipulating her. She said she "wished me well." I told her goodbye.

This morning she e-mailed me this:

I just want to formally apologize. I haven't been well. I'm sorry that I dragged you into the mess that I am. It's bad. I'm suicidal and probably need to be hospitalized. I'm very scared and very sorry, Sycamore. I wish you a beautiful life.

How should I deal with this? Again, we knew each other about 2 weeks. We did nothing sexual besides some fondling. We went on 3 dates, with a lot of texting between.

If you are feeling like you have an obligation to report this, you don't. Unless she is telling you that she is actually going to commit suicide and mentions a specific plan, you shouldn't do anything.

If she said she is going to kill herself and mentions a specific plan for it, then you could/should send the police if you know where she lives.

Simply tell her to go to the emergency room and wish her the best. Cut all contact after that.

I'll say this too, it is very unlikely that she is serious about being suicidal. 9 times out of 10, a person who is serious about suicide, will not say anything to anyone about it, they will just do it.

When they actually say it out loud, they are either looking for attention or wanting help and really don't want to do it.

You should always take mention of suicide seriously because you never know for sure and handle with kid gloves but usually they won't carry it out, they just want to talk, etc.

January 15, 2015

i think as other posters have said be kind but firm......have compassion you dotn know if she was crying wolf or actually had no one else she confided what she said to you...personally when a guy told em he was going to commit suicide ..he actually did threaten it..........that one was in the navy i notified authorities but did not stay with him i told him i cared for him as a friend and another i took to a psyche ward and waited with him till he was seen......i take even the mention of suicide seriously......but thats me ...maybe guys realize that.....and thats why i have had it happen more than once

whatever the case is....i still would not in any way act without compassion and a duty of care......to another human being ....i feel everybody is responsible when it comes to preventing a death or recognising the possibility ofa person who lets you know they arent stable....its not a yeah not your problem...that is exactly the problem...its everyones problem........doesnt take much to care...i wish you well.........deb

January 15, 2015

I hate to say it, but... I told you she was abnormally insecure, with her reaction about the age matter! Scary, though.

January 15, 2015

this whole "stay away from her!" consensus bothers me a little. It's your call sycamore. but what's the huge inconvenience about remaining a casual or e-mail friend to someone who maybe needs one?

back story: had a roommate & good friend commit suicide. in the months prior, she was not herself. she was mean, spiteful, difficult, and I had to sort of walk away from her although i knew something WASN'T right because this was so different than who she normally was. then she died-- I sure as hell wish I'd stuck around.

Obviously, this girl is just an acquaintance. not the same at all. but the "run!!!!!!" responses from everyone bug me. If she turns out to be harassing, manipulative, etc., you have plenty of time in the future to block & ignore. You just don't know that's for sure what's happening now.

January 15, 2015

She has you right where she wants you.

Thinking about her, questioning what to do, your actions and dwelling on the situation.

She is playing head games with you and the more you continue to give her attention the more you become involved and attached to her and the more power she gains.

Wake up. She is playing with you. This should not have even reached a second date you should have seen this and walked. People love drama. You are creating it for her.

Edited January 15, 2015 by Dallers

January 15, 2015

Yeah, I'm closing the door. Thank you to everyone helping me weigh this matter. Suicide is such a delicate word.

it is a delicate word...but even more than that ...the fragility of life that the word entails..........before you close that door sycamore...i ask that you please search your heart on what to do ...and listen to that heart of yours...rather than the run response you have received most commonly on here...because i refuse to believe ....that a heart such as yours who posted to this forum in the first place with a delicate situation...would act in a manner that wasnt compassionate ....all things that are fragile and delicate to handle ....MUST be treated and handled with a duty of care.......with compassion and understanding..a getnle touch ....a gentle reach out to say hey i care........true or not.....if you look at the big picture and not just the word...realize how you would feel if later something happens and you dont say anything you do the block thing....if your heart can handle the fact with regret and what if i had said this would it have changed anything....you will never know

for me i know...that suicide is delicate but even more so ...it doesnt go away with ignorance.......doesnt mean you have to be manipulated into staying with her...for whatever reason you have to take what she said at face value............search your heart......then act......on what is right to do.....deb......

January 15, 2015

it is a delicate word...but even more than that ...the fragility of life that the word entails..........before you close that door sycamore...i ask that you please search your heart on what to do ...and listen to that heart of yours...rather than the run response you have received most commonly on here...because i refuse to believe ....that a heart such as yours who posted to this forum in the first place with a delicate situation...would act in a manner that wasnt compassionate ....all things that are fragile and delicate to handle ....MUST be treated and handled with a duty of care.......with compassion and understanding..a getnle touch ....a gentle reach out to say hey i care........true or not.....if you look at the big picture and not just the word...realize how you would feel if later something happens and you dont say anything you do the block thing....if your heart can handle the fact with regret and what if i had said this would it have changed anything....you will never know

for me i know...that suicide is delicate but even more so ...it doesnt go away with ignorance.......doesnt mean you have to be manipulated into staying with her...for whatever reason you have to take what she said at face value............search your heart......then act......on what is right to do.....deb......

Baloney. I'm sorry but if, God forbid, something did happen I would think, "this woman was seriously messed up and that I happened to be casually acquainted with the woman before has no bearing on her overarching life choices."

She was telling me the previous week that she is planning to help her sister by donating an egg. Does that sound like someone who is suicidal? I mean this woman is a radio station: she plays all the hits!

January 15, 2015

Baloney. I'm sorry but if, God forbid, something did happen I would think, "this woman was seriously messed up and that I happened to be casually acquainted with the woman before has no bearing on her overarching life choices."

She was telling me the previous week that she is planning to help her sister by donating an egg. Does that sound like someone who is suicidal? I mean this woman is a radio station: she plays all the hits!

We don't know if her suicidal thoughts are genuine or not, and if they are genuine, if they are recurring or new. Some people with mental illness have big ups and downs in mood.

It doesn't need to make a difference in your response as long as two things are certain in your mind:

1. she is definitely struggling

2. you are definitely not going to get involved with her

Do you feel hurt by her actions? Does her apology and admission temper that hurt a little, because it shows that she, too, is struggling?

January 15, 2015

I think by her email she was apologising for her behaviour and trying to let you know she is not herself. She is saying "because I am not well, I acted poorly"

That's it.

Being kind to her and accepting that apology and wishing her well is not leaving any doors open.

I want you to think about how you would feel if you heard in a months time she had killed herself when you had ignored her email. Not that it would be your fault, but you would wish you had done something.

Replying with kindness is what you should do. People who feel suicidal don't need more people confirming their own darkest fears. Ignoring her is hurtful and confusing to someone who questions themselves constantly.

Please reconsider and send a reply.

January 15, 2015

She was telling me the previous week that she is planning to help her sister by donating an egg. Does that sound like someone who is suicidal? !

............

MYTH: Ignore people who talk about suicide; they are not serious or it is just a sick play for attention.

FACT: Psychologically speaking, people who talk about suicide are seriously at risk and should receive help.
Facts and Fables About Suicide

Edited January 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

January 15, 2015

Baloney. I'm sorry but if, God forbid, something did happen I would think, "this woman was seriously messed up and that I happened to be casually acquainted with the woman before has no bearing on her overarching life choices."

She was telling me the previous week that she is planning to help her sister by donating an egg. Does that sound like someone who is suicidal? I mean this woman is a radio station: she plays all the hits!

thats very judgemental of you sycamore......your reply says more about you than her.....

i remember when i was suicidal making many promises.....wanting to be there for everyone to be someone elses saving grace......as it was...i ended up in hospital.....

you yourself stated you hardly know her......so big assumptions are being made on someone you hardly know by you and others on this thread.....i will not post in this thread again ....because you have made it clear that my advice is baloney ....so i thankyou for the time it took to read this....and i wish you well....ill pray for her myself...follow your own heart is all i tried to get across......goodbye...deb

January 15, 2015

I think by her email she was apologising for her behaviour and trying to let you know she is not herself. She is saying "because I am not well, I acted poorly"

That's it.

Being kind to her and accepting that apology and wishing her well is not leaving any doors open.

I want you to think about how you would feel if you heard in a months time she had killed herself when you had ignored her email. Not that it would be your fault, but you would wish you had done something.
Replying with kindness is what you should do. People who feel suicidal don't need more people confirming their own darkest fears. Ignoring her is hurtful and confusing to someone who questions themselves constantly.

Please reconsider and send a reply.

Seriously, what is with all the guilt trips for Sycamore?!

This is ridiculous!!

You're all acting like he's committing some mortal sin by not wishing her well, or if he won't refer her to a suicide hotline, after they had their last conversation last night already and said goodbye.

Come on. He owes her nothing.

January 15, 2015

Oh boy, Elaine's here.

Remember Elaine, you were telling me how insensitive I was to this girl a week or so back by being too forceful with sexual innuendo? Now you're telling me I know nothing about suicide.

From the get-go this woman(the woman I dated) has used all sorts of manipulation to get me on her level(whatever level that happens to be at the time).

-Saying I was Red-Flag and suspect for listing my OLD age preference as 27-35.

-Telling me that she had never been turned down when I refused her attempting to spend the night with me.

-Saying that I was making our texting strictly sexual and rushing her.

-Accusing me of playing mind games when I started to distance myself from her barrage of sexting and her suggestions that I be her boyfriend and that we have sex.

Throughout all of these accusations, there have been subsequent apologies by her.

January 15, 2015

thats very judgemental of you sycamore......your reply says more about you than her.....

i remember when i was suicidal making many promises.....wanting to be there for everyone to be someone elses saving grace......as it was...i ended up in hospital.....

you yourself stated you hardly know her......so big assumptions are being made on someone you hardly know by you and others on this thread.....i will not post in this thread again ....because you have made it clear that my advice is baloney ....so i thankyou for the time it took to read this....and i wish you well....ill pray for her myself...follow your own heart is all i tried to get across......goodbye...deb

I'm sorry I called your advice baloney. How about turkey-baloney?

January 15, 2015

I'm sorry I called your advice baloney. How about turkey-baloney?

i love turkey......especially with a tart sauce....whatever makes you feel good sycamore..thats what it is all about isnt it ...look after yourself your feelings count..be self motivated ...damn what i feel....damn what anyone else feels unless it is in line with your own ........my feelings dont count in your world so say as you will..do as you want to do ...it doesnt matter that i put a lot of thought and a lot of heart behind my advice...as you said....its useless.....so dont use it...deb

January 15, 2015

Oh boy, Elaine's here.

Remember Elaine, you were telling me how insensitive I was to this girl a week or so back by being too forceful with sexual innuendo? Now you're telling me I know nothing about suicide.

From the get-go this woman(the woman I dated) has used all sorts of manipulation to get me on her level(whatever level that happens to be at the time).

-Saying I was Red-Flag and suspect for listing my OLD age preference as 27-35.

-Telling me that she had never been turned down when I refused her attempting to spend the night with me.

-Saying that I was making our texting strictly sexual and rushing her.

-Accusing me of playing mind games when I started to distance myself from her barrage of sexting and her suggestions that I be her boyfriend and that we have sex.

Throughout all of these accusations, there have been subsequent apologies by her.

And you are still being highly insensitive...

You have no idea if this women is being serious or not about committing suicide, yet you spout nonsense on here about it.

Your lack of empathy is showing...

January 15, 2015

I have a question for you. Do you think she would give a crap if you were the one who sent her that email? I do not think so. I think she would block with out thinking twice.

January 15, 2015

Well, Sycamore it seems like people aren't telling you what you want to hear. Look, you posted and asked for advice. You've known the girl for all of TWO WEEKS! (I've known my mailman longer than that.) You KNEW she had baggage - you said so yourself. So.......maybe you should take her to a jewelry store, buy her a ring, and marry her. How does that sound? Hope you two will be very happy.

January 15, 2015

I am 95% convinced that going full NC on her is the best course of action. I do appreciate people presenting opposing viewpoints. Mostly. Some of the suggestions I find very off. You're feeling the vehemence of my conviction, nothing personal.

Imagine this scenario:

Said girl is sitting on the ledge of a high-rise. She's been sitting there for hours looking dolefully out over the expanse.

A concerned man haltingly approaches and by these few words, "Sycamore wishes you well" coaxes her away from the ledge and towards a rehabilitated life.

Sounds ridiculous, right?

January 15, 2015

If it were me, I would tell her you hope things go well for her too, and to take care of herself, then go NC.

BUT

She didn't threaten suicide. She shared what she was going through and why her behavior was so crazy as means to apologize. Thta's it.

Threatening suicide would be something else entirely.

January 15, 2015

I am 95% convinced that going full NC on her is the best course of action. I do appreciate people presenting opposing viewpoints. Mostly. Some of the suggestions I find very off. You're feeling the vehemence of my conviction, nothing personal.

Imagine this scenario:

Said girl is sitting on the ledge of a high-rise. She's been sitting there for hours looking dolefully out over the expanse.

A concerned man haltingly approaches and by these few words, "Sycamore wishes you well" coaxes her away from the ledge and towards a rehabilitated life.

Sounds ridiculous, right?

it does not end there. you mine as well just go out to ledge and save her and keep doing so every time because this will not be the last.

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