Date Threatens Suicide!

[SycamoreCircle]

Long story short:

 

Met a girl on OKC. I knew she had some baggage. She and I shared similar stories(live-in exes cheated). I found her attractive. I courted her for about two weeks. We never had sex. She did come over to my place one night and we made out.

 

By the third date I knew it was too much for me. Her insecurities were through the roof. Yesterday evening she was supposed to come over for dinner and stay the night. She sensed my distancing via text and provoked an argument. I told her that her insecurities were more than I could handle. She was angry, accused me of manipulating her. She said she "wished me well." I told her goodbye.

 

This morning she e-mailed me this:

 

I just want to formally apologize. I haven't been well. I'm sorry that I dragged you into the mess that I am. It's bad. I'm suicidal and probably need to be hospitalized. I'm very scared and very sorry, Sycamore. I wish you a beautiful life.

 

How should I deal with this? Again, we knew each other about 2 weeks. We did nothing sexual besides some fondling. We went on 3 dates, with a lot of texting between.

[kendahke]

 

How should I deal with this? Again, we knew each other about 2 weeks. We did nothing sexual besides some fondling. We went on 3 dates, with a lot of texting between.

 

Block her and keep moving on with your life.

[SycamoreCircle]

Do you suspect, like me, that this is just crying wolf?

[almond]

Block her and keep moving on with your life.

 

 

This. Absolutely. Nothing more and nothing less.

[almond]

Do you suspect, like me, that this is just crying wolf?

 

She didn't threaten suicide. Let this go...it isn't your burden.

[SycamoreCircle]

She didn't threaten suicide. Let this go...it isn't your burden.

You're absolutely right. She blew me off a couple of times before for various reasons and during all those "blow offs", she never actually said goodbye. Just like now she's not actually saying she's going to kill herself.

 

I think the mistake I made was just because I suffered a traumatic experience and my compassion deepened for people in similar circumstances, it doesn't mean that I need someone who is damaged.

[writergal]

As others here have said: let her go. She's not your problem. Do not respond to her email. If you respond to it, she'll drag you down so fast that you'll drown (metaphorically speaking of course, unless you agree to meet her at the Hudson river).

[BluEyeL]

I remember the other thread and she did sound emotionally unstable from the get go.

 

Letting her go and not responding to any further contact is best. Or, the the most (if you want to be kinder), send her a last clear "closure message" (it was good to know you, I'm sorry this didn't work out, I hope we both find our matches), and then block/never respond anymore.

[kendahke]

Do you suspect, like me, that this is just crying wolf?

 

Or she's manipulative.

 

Anytime the word "suicidal" is thrown out there, that's a cry for help. The only thing I would get in touch with her with is the number to the suicide prevention hotline. Other than that, she's got issues that she needs a therapist to help her resolve, not a boyfriend.

[d0nnivain]

It wasn't a true suicidal threat so you can calm down. It was a play for sympathy so I'm going to suggest compassion.

 

 

I'd reply with something along the lines of

 

 

Thank you for your note. Please don't hurt yourself. If you are afraid you are a danger to yourself, get to the nearest emergency room. Although we didn't work out, there are reasons to live. I do hope you have a beautiful life too. Best wishes.

[soyou]

I agree with all the above posters. Doesn't matter what type of mental illness she has, it's not your problem and has nothing to you.

 

This is just a few dates and it already went this crazy. Imagine if you could stay a bit longer, get yourself sexually and emotionally attached to her, every time you wanted to break up she could use the suicidal thing to black mail you and keep you stayed.

 

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN:bunny:

[Art_Critic]

You ignore it, the mention of the suicidal part is so you would contact her and keep yourself involved, it was her way of trying to keep you.

 

Keep your distance and don't get involved in the whirlwind of drama that is surrounding her. Let her deal with her issues with her family and anyone else close to her.

[SycamoreCircle]

I remember the other thread and she did sound emotionally unstable from the get go.

 

Letting her go and not responding to any further contact is best. Or, the the most (if you want to be kinder), send her a last clear "closure message" (it was good to know you, I'm sorry this didn't work out, I hope we both find our matches), and then block/never respond anymore.

 

Yes, I should've just listened to what some people were saying in that other thread.

 

I will say this---when she was "together", it was nice.

 

I'm divided about sending a closure message. I already said something to her yesterday like "I think it's fair to say we both have issues. I think it's also fair to say those issues are butting up against each other now."

 

That seems like enough coupled with my actual "Goodbye ______."

[Zahara]

It wasn't a true suicidal threat so you can calm down. It was a play for sympathy so I'm going to suggest compassion.

 

 

I'd reply with something along the lines of

 

Thank you for your note. Please don't hurt yourself. If you are afraid you are a danger to yourself, get to the nearest emergency room. Although we didn't work out, there are reasons to live. I do hope you have a beautiful life too. Best wishes.

 

 

^^ This ^^

 

She was looking for sympathy, granted in a morbid and possibly manipulative way -- it doesn't hurt you to show compassion. You really don't know her so there really is no telling what she's truly struggling with. Maybe she really isn't well. Maybe that was a cry for help. No one knows but kind words can go a long way. Then close the door.

[applej4]

Send her a reply simply telling her to call the local mental health board. Then say goodbye. Block her and move on.

[preraph]

I think she's saying she was already suicidal before you. This is her problem. You need to go NC and stay that way.

[organizedchaos]

Yes, I should've just listened to what some people were saying in that other thread.

 

I will say this---when she was "together", it was nice.

 

I'm divided about sending a closure message. I already said something to her yesterday like "I think it's fair to say we both have issues. I think it's also fair to say those issues are butting up against each other now."

 

That seems like enough coupled with my actual "Goodbye ______."

 

It's only been two weeks. Say nothing. Move on.

[Eighty_nine]

I would say-

 

"Although I'm not interested in a romantic relationship, I enjoyed your company and if you need a friend to talk to or some support I'm willing to be here for you. In the meantime if you're feeling actively suicidal please go to the ER and get some help."

 

but I've lost someone to suicide. If not for that experience I'd probably just go NC.

[SycamoreCircle]

I would say-

 

"Although I'm not interested in a romantic relationship, I enjoyed your company and if you need a friend to talk to or some support I'm willing to be here for you. In the meantime if you're feeling actively suicidal please go to the ER and get some help."

 

but I've lost someone to suicide. If not for that experience I'd probably just go NC.

 

But saying "I've lost someone to suicide" implies that they were someone close to you. I went on 3 dates with this woman. Part of the reason I called things off was because she was pressuring me into being a boyfriend and having sex. There is no intensity knob on her---it's either going at 1 or 10. One day I was "sweet, handsome man", next day "RED FLAG" manipulator.

[EgoJoe]

Recommend meditation and introspection. Tell her there are Therapists who are only there for self improvement and tell her thanks for all the fish.

 

 

Next.

[preraph]

Do NOT maintain any contact with her. I'm telling you it's the worst thing you could do. She has family for crises and doesn't need to be trying to suicide-blackmail any new boyfriends into having to stay with her or else. I'd write her one email saying, "Sorry you've been having problems. Hope they get better. I'm moving on."

[kendahke]

You can pretty much count on her contacting you and when you don't give her her way, she may act out and amp up the manipulation tactics. If you haven't blocked her, just be prepared for what you're going to do when that happens.

 

She may be used to using this tack to get her way with guys.

[applej4]

Send her a reply simply telling her to call the local mental health clinic. Then say goodbye. Block her and move on.

[acrosstheuniverse]

You reply:

 

'I'm sorry to hear you feel so low, it must feel terrible to be in that position. The hospital are the people best placed to help you and you have my best wishes as you begin to heal. Take care of yourself and I hope you have a good life once this passes'

 

And then you block.

 

It's a cry for attention, pure drama, but yes it doesn't hurt to show some compassion. Only reason I'd send something like that is because someone totally blanking you with no explanation can be really confusing and hurtful, even if someone like you or I can see that you really need to get away from her for your own sanity. If she is feeling that way, she may go even crazier, stalking or harassing you, and you don't need that. Show an ounce of compassion, send her your best wishes while she's feeling unwell (mental illness IS an illness) and block her on every available media for good.

[SycamoreCircle]

I have no problem sending her a kind message. But I'm afraid she'll just send another one back. She's just trying to generate a dialogue and as someone said, reel me into her drama.