bubbletea Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) There is a particular guy in my nursing program. He has a very sociable personality while I am shy and somewhat of a loner. I've been in his clinical group before and have talked to him a few times. Lately he comes over once in a while to make small talk about class, about himself, and ask about me (boyfriend status, do I think he's flirting with me, working out/do I want to go with him, do I work, why do I xyz, etc). I get uncomfortable talking about myself and don't want to give out personal info to people I don't know well or trust. So he started talking about my living with parents at 31 years old. I didn't like that question but answered it. Then I was like ok no more personal questions. He was waiting for me after class (never did before) and I was like oh god you're not asking me more questions are you? He backed off after that and was probably offended. Next day, he ignores me and was quite rude not acknowleding my presence. It wouldn't bother me because I am not interested in him and would prefer he leave me alone. But I was in a group with a friend. He comes up and deliberately blocks me out of the conversation, ignores me and talks over me when I said something, then walks off with my "friend" (wouldn't call her a friend really, but you deal with what you have in class) so that I'm standing there and working alone while everyone else has someone to practice with. I felt like everyone was staring at me after that like a loser and that he felt good about what he had done. Then after class walking to parking lot, he is still ignoring. So I am trying to walk slow since I was right behind him. If I walked past him without saying something he would probably make some comment like, "Gee what's wrong with you, you ignoring me now?" (stupid right?). Then he said, "I see you back there," and starts randomly talking as if I'm back in his good graces for the moment. He tries to act like he's such a great Christian guy who is "nice to everyone" (his words) but from his rudeness I would say otherwise. This is not the first time he has done this "friendly-then-punishing" act day-on day-off time and time again. I find him annoying and childish since he's 29 years old! He has a big ego and speaks highly about himself all the time. He is self absorbed. I know he might be upset since I'm not all over him, but even he said he doesn't want a relationship now. Shoud I ignore him for good or try remain friendly and put up with his rude behavior time and again? I can't really get away from him because we will still be in the program for the rest of the year. I don't like conflict and it's not good to create drama when you have to work with someone. I just want to maintain my good grades, graduate and move on with my life. Edited January 15, 2015 by bubbletea
Survivor12 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 If you didn't want to answer his questions, a simple "I prefer not to discuss my personal life" followed by a general comment about class, the weather, etc. would have gotten your point across. Instead, you answered his question, giving no indication that you had a problem with his asking...and then blasted him the next time he approached you. Frankly, you were rude & he is completely justified in ignoring you. If you want to resolve the issue, apologize for your comment & tell him nicely that you aren't comfortable discussing your personal life with him. How he chooses to respond is up to him, but you will at least have made an attempt to clear the air.
Author bubbletea Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) I have told him I don't want to talk about it, but he still continues to ask. (He just tries a different question on a different day). This is only one example I wrote above. He has been asking me things for months. If I don't answer he gives me a shaming comment like "what's wrong with you?" Anyway, thanks for your perspective. But based on his behavior I don't want to talk to him at all frankly. He tells me a lot of gossip and crap about other people. Not a good combo when we're here to learn and have to cooperate with others. In fact he has already been reported to our instructors for harassing another girl. He said it was her fault and she was doing it to get back at him, but I don't know if I believe him anymore. And he said it's karma she failed the class. Edited January 15, 2015 by bubbletea
Survivor12 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Ah, I see...Your post didn't indicate that you had already told him. In that case, I would suggest limiting all interaction with him. Don't ignore him or be rude, but don't initiate contact or conversation. (You will have much better credibility if you do find it necessary to report him for harassment.) Acknowledge his presence, respond only when necessary or relevant to your program. Do not answer any personal questions. If he asks again, turn & walk away. Good luck. He sounds like he gets his kicks out of causing problems. Don't give him ammunition.
preraph Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Just ignore him. You don't have to talk to him.
CC12 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Shoud I ignore him for good or try remain friendly and put up with his rude behavior time and again? I can't really get away from him because we will still be in the program for the rest of the year. I don't like conflict and it's not good to create drama when you have to work with someone. I just want to maintain my good grades, graduate and move on with my life. You should try to ignore him as much as you can, and when that's not possible due to attending the same program, just be civil and professional. He asked invasive personal questions and then got mad at you when you told him to stop. Then he tried to punish you by isolating you from friends in a social situation. You have now experienced how he can behave when he feels wronged by someone, whether warranted or not. Ignore him as much as possible. 1
Els Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 You should try to ignore him as much as you can, and when that's not possible due to attending the same program, just be civil and professional. He asked invasive personal questions and then got mad at you when you told him to stop. Then he tried to punish you by isolating you from friends in a social situation. You have now experienced how he can behave when he feels wronged by someone, whether warranted or not. Ignore him as much as possible. Agreed completely. Be civil, but don't let him into your life anymore.
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