pluzsizecutie Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) Hey hey hey....we are a young (28/27) married couple ( been together 7yrs and married for 4 mths.). Im a female that of course is attracted to females( bisexual if you want to call it that...lol) and we got on the subject threesome. I wouldnt mind it but im worried about him not wanting me anymore and wanting another threesome. He says that I have nothing to worry about but he loves me and that nothing would change he even told ME TO PICK THE GIRL... im guess im just nervous and paranoid. HELP!!! Signed.... ScaredbutWanttoKeepHimHappy Edited January 15, 2015 by pluzsizecutie adding more information
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Tread carefully. Be VERY certain this is what YOU want as much as it is what HE wants. This is one bell that can't be unrung. 1
CarrieT Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I did that in my 20s with my then-husband and it totally backfired... Until you are 100% secure in your relationship with NO JEALOUSY issues, don't go there. Remember: Fantasies are always better in the head than in the bed. Seriously, 90% of the time, what one imagines the fantasy will be never measures up to what happens in reality. 4
stillafool Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 A friend of mine did that with her bf when she was 24. After the 3some she fell asleep and woke up to them having sex alone. She was furious. The fact that you have come here to ask about it shows you are not really okay with this.
CarrieT Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 The fact that you have come here to ask about it shows you are not really okay with this. OP, read that again and hold on to this fact. You are REALLY not okay with it. Therefore, don't do it.
Author pluzsizecutie Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 Its like im caught between the two. He always assures me that nothing will change and when I.tell him that im nervous about it he says nevermind he doesnt want me to be uncomfortable. I know that im stingy ( I know what my husband is capable of....lol) so.me just thinking that another female.will be getting a small small portion.of that drives me up a wall. He says that he justs want to see me with another women. I do believe him but I know we did have trust issues in the past...but I know we are in a better place... and in regards tonthe other female...she will.be gone once its over!!!! (Lol)
CarrieT Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 He always assures me that nothing will change That is a flat out lie. Of course things will change. Every day is different than the next because of changes and something as huge as a threesome WILL cause changes. And the mere fact that you are concerned will be cause for change. You have to make him see that.
Author pluzsizecutie Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 THANKS TO ALL THAT RESPONDED! I tried to go edit my earlier message but no luck. Carrie T ....you are giving it to me huh!!!! I SO APPRECIATE THIS!!!! Its something that we both want just having self esteem.issues makes it harder for me.
stillafool Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Its like im caught between the two. He always assures me that nothing will change and when I.tell him that im nervous about it he says nevermind he doesnt want me to be uncomfortable. I know that im stingy ( I know what my husband is capable of....lol) so.me just thinking that another female.will be getting a small small portion.of that drives me up a wall. He says that he justs want to see me with another women. I do believe him but I know we did have trust issues in the past...but I know we are in a better place... and in regards tonthe other female...she will.be gone once its over!!!! (Lol) You hope! As far as him seeing you with another female tell him you two can buy a blow up doll and you will act it out for him.
Mal78 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Hey hey hey....we are a young (28/27) married couple ( been together 7yrs and married for 4 mths.). Im a female that of course is attracted to females( bisexual if you want to call it that...lol) and we got on the subject threesome. I wouldnt mind it but im worried about him not wanting me anymore and wanting another threesome. He says that I have nothing to worry about but he loves me and that nothing would change he even told ME TO PICK THE GIRL... im guess im just nervous and paranoid. HELP!!! Signed.... ScaredbutWanttoKeepHimHappy ^^You should never be in this position.^^ I am sure you could role play the fantasy. Talk about what he wants to see in having sex with another woman, tell him what *you* would do to another women and tell him what you and the other women does to him. Are you worried he is going to enjoy the sex with the other women too much? That he might fall in love with her? I am sure being that you are bi-sexual that these could be same concerns for yourself. What if sex with a particular women leaves you craving for more and just with her? What if you fall in love with her? If you are actually bi-curious and only know this because you really enjoy lesbian porn (don't we all?? ) it might not be anything you "fantasize". Perhaps check out a local swingers night. Go on a featured "singles and couples night". This is where single ladies (and men) are looking perhaps to join a couple. There is no obligation, you probably will see stuff, dance, be hit on (individually or as a couple) and come home to some of the best Sex ever. Then you can talk about your next step. There is too much pressure on you. A) he really wants this and you feel obligated to oblige B) You are to pick the partner. Your H is expecting you to fulfill his fantasies, how is he participating in filling yours?
darkmoon Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 the guy sometimes goes off with the extra person, and dumps his woman to do so you had better be a pretty good lay to beat any opposition just saying
Otter2569 Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 Its almost every guys fantasy: M/F/F Ive never done this myself but my GF did when she was single back in her 20's. She says she would not do it again and that it was more awkward than you would think. She says the married F got very jealous because she was not getting enough attention and started an argument. also that the married M started hitting on her outside of their encounter. I know of two other couples who have done this and are now divorced. At least one is directly related. Trust me, I wish I could have the experience too but I am not so sure the risk is worth it. 1
oldshirt Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 This like all things is a matter of context and the characters of the people involved. It simply all boils down to this, is your husband an ass? Is he selfish and self-centered? Is he an entitled person that thinks rules apply to everyone but him and he sees nothing wrong with pursuing what he wants even if it puts out other people? Does he blow off your needs and wants and wishes if they interfer with his own? Does he use and manipulate people. Is he comfortable in lying to or deceiving people to get what he wants. Has he cheated on you in the past. Is he fundamentally dissatisfied with your Sexlife and has yearnings to be with someone else full time? If you answered no to every single one of those questions, then if it's something that you are intrigued about exploring but are just having the normal jitters about something unconventional, then it may be worth discussing further with him. But if you answered yes to a number of those questions, then it may be a bad idea that can turn ugly real fast.
central Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 How well it works - or doesn't - depends a LOT on how well you discuss this beforehand, including the things that can go wrong, perception issues, expectations, boundaries, etc. We've done a bunch of threesomes (FMF for me, MFM for her) as well as couple swaps (swinging). We've never had any issues before or after, but we've always (especially at first) carefully discussed all the topics listed above, and probably more, and had more discussions afterwards to be sure no issues had developed that weren't anticipated.
oldshirt Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 This like all things is a matter of context and the characters of the people involved. It simply all boils down to this, is your husband an ass? Is he selfish and self-centered? Is he an entitled person that thinks rules apply to everyone but him and he sees nothing wrong with pursuing what he wants even if it puts out other people? Does he blow off your needs and wants and wishes if they interfer with his own? Does he use and manipulate people. Is he comfortable in lying to or deceiving people to get what he wants. Has he cheated on you in the past. Is he fundamentally dissatisfied with your Sexlife and has yearnings to be with someone else full time? If you answered no to every single one of those questions, then if it's something that you are intrigued about exploring but are just having the normal jitters about something unconventional, then it may be worth discussing further with him. But if you answered yes to a number of those questions, then it may be a bad idea that can turn ugly real fast. So the best way to some this up is good, decent, respectful people who are invested and sincere and acting in good faith in the marriage will be able to have threesomes etc without harming the marriage in any way. People who are crumby and self-centered and entitled who view other people as disposable commodities will fck it up. It's that simple. It comes down to are either you or your husband an ass or are you both good, honest, decent people who are committed to each other and the marriage? 1
Selfish Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 If you are not sure don't do it. It really is that simple. And take it off the table completely. Be clear it isn't happening but you souldbe willing to create a fantasy and a fantasy only.
Davey L Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I'd never pressure my wife to do something like this. We did it once but she initiated it (or the other woman did, I'm not sure) but then my wife does sometimes get a bit flirty with women after a couple of drinks. I know a man that did this but his wife ended up running off with the other woman. Be careful. If your husband is pressuring you for it don't do it.
mammasita Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I would NEVER do it while I was in a relationship being 100% into the man.....i.e. with the knowledge I have now. Threesomes are for people who have no ties. I dabbled in the past M/F/F and it mostly ended badly. I always carried bits of resentment towards my male "friend" after the fact. It always worked best when I was the 3rd party and I was in it for the woman. I wouldn't do it - my prediction is it will end up ruining your relationship.
Recommended Posts