I'm in the Dark on this whole thing!

[verynellyness]

My boyfriend and I were in a very serious relationship for a little over a year. It was perfect! I loved him dearly, I would make him breakfast, dinner, kiss him, tell him I love him, etc. He would do the same. The only issue was that at times my self esteem takes a dump and I self sabotage my relationship by breaking it off. As soon as I realize what I did wrong, I call him and we get back together. In october we did this and he was unhappy and I promised I wouldn't do it again, but since I was in a new job, just bought a place I slacked on trying to figure out the root of my problem. It happened again in December and he wrote me an email saying that He loved me and that we can't have a fresh start this way and that he need to be alone for awhile. I gave him his peace. I started therapy and I am working on myself but I haven't heard from him except when I emailed him an apology for what I did wrong, which he did respond. And after I dropped off his gift (it was after xmas and I felt bad since I had already started putting it together). I have been working on myself but I am getting worried since I haven't heard from him at all. Its now been a month and I don't know what to do. Please help? Thanks

[Invictus01]

Sooooo, how many times did he take you back?

[endlessabyss]

I'd just leave him alone, and keep doing your own thing, without him. If you pester him it is only going to hurt your chances of him coming back into your life.

 

 

You kind of blew it the first time around, with all the erratic behavior.. All you can really do is hope one day he missed you, and gives you a call.

[Light Breeze]

There's a big chance that he got fed up with all the drama and just checked out for good.

[bigtrouble]

Its a tough spot... He respects your decision and giving you space. Use the time to improve yourself and come out a better person.

[ExpatInItaly]

There's a big chance that he got fed up with all the drama and just checked out for good.

 

Exactly. He decided this relationship wasn't for him. I think you need to start detaching from him, and focus on bettering yourself instead.

[David87]

Give him space for now..he doesn't trust you anymore because you promised a couple of times you won't break it off again but you did...

[verynellyness]

Well I was at a breaking point and even my therapist suggested that I give him a call to find out what was going on. Which I too think was fair. Even though I was wrong, I did admit that I was wrong, I was working on the problem and I do deserve to at least know what is going on. When I called him to ask him about us he said that he didn't know. His words were "right now we are not together but maybe in time we can be together". Not what I wanted to hear but the truth hurts. He made it seem like it was a break, but it isn't. If I have to be honest I'm a little pissed. I felt as though I was being kept in a spot where once he decided what he wanted, he could come back to it as if nothing happened. I did decide to be clear about it and I wrote him an email that I feel was polite and to the point. I addressed that I was wrong and that I have finally been able to see why I was pushing him away thanks to therapy. That I was stronger and thanked him for the past year. I told him I would always think the best of him and asked him to return the keys to my apartment.

 

I guess when you hear someone is unsure about you, you realize that you deserve better than "I don't know, but I will keep our break-up in the dark until I am wanting to revisit this on my own terms". I do love this man but sometimes you have to love yourself more to know that you deserve better.

 

I didn't waste anytime on what I thought was a "break" because thankfully I've been understanding all this emotional baggage and where it was coming from.