lewissims Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 she just started a new job selling to businesses today she texted me saying "she got rejected 18 times" i replied" aww im sorry but ya gotta expect it, not everyone will say yes" she repied back "hahah i dont need advice or empathy but thank you" i kind of think she was sort of a jerk saying that. i was trying to be helpful and you say that? what did you expect me to say "oh" im not even sure what to say back to her now to be honest
todreaminblue Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 i wouldnt take it as bad, you stung her a bit ...maybe she was a bit raw from the rejection.......so she didnt actually recognize the comfort you were tryign to offer....call her talk to her dont text....not about something that is important to her that can be misconstrued or taken in another way....tell her all you were trying to do was comfort her......and that you're sorry it didnt turn that way for her.......do that by voice call....i see the comfort you meant....but it didnt come through for her.....came off more offhand probably...............deb
Author lewissims Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 i wouldnt take it as bad, you stung her a bit ...maybe she was a bit raw from the rejection.......so she didnt actually recognize the comfort you were tryign to offer....call her talk to her dont text....not about something that is important to her that can be misconstrued or taken in another way....tell her all you were trying to do was comfort her......and that you're sorry it didnt turn that way for her.......do that by voice call....i see the comfort you meant....but it didnt come through for her.....came off more offhand probably...............deb i dont see how she took it in a wrong way
Assada Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Its a little rude of her to mention the "advice" bit. If she just said "I dont need your empathy" it would have been a bit more OK. You gotta suck it up though, be less sensitive. I'm not telling you to just take it, but say someting like "It guess its easy to be rude when someone is trying to support you" Dont let stuff like that get under your skin. I understand where youre coming from though. As a guy, you gotta have a thicker skin than that
bathtub-row Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I think her response was uncalled for. Your text was nice and realistic. Does she over-react to a lot of things like that? 1
Zahara Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) i dont see how she took it in a wrong way Gauging her response, I wonder if she feels as if your response came off as practical versus comforting. After getting rejected 18 times, maybe she wanted to hear, "Aw honey..I'm sorry you're having a rough day. It's only your first day, I'm sure things will pick up. Is there something I can do to make you feel better?" In her mind your response probably came off as you telling her to deal with it because it's part and parcel of sales. Somewhat matter of fact. Hence why she used the word "empathy" in her response. I think she was seeking comfort, maybe a little bit of coddling. Text has no tone. It's hard to decipher how it's coming across. Always best to pick up the phone and call. Edited January 15, 2015 by Zahara 3
DivorcedDad123 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I guess "No wonder nobody will buy from you" would be a bad follow-up? 3
preraph Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 You're right. She was rude about it. If she doesn't want feedback, then she should stop telling you things. I think you need to tell her how rude she was.
bachdude Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 she just started a new job selling to businesses today she texted me saying "she got rejected 18 times" i replied" aww im sorry but ya gotta expect it, not everyone will say yes" she repied back "hahah i dont need advice or empathy but thank you" i kind of think she was sort of a jerk saying that. i was trying to be helpful and you say that? what did you expect me to say "oh" im not even sure what to say back to her now to be honest Don't take it personally. Just drop it. She was in a bad mood because it was a bad day at work. In other words, cut her some slack. Next time say something like, "Sorry to hear that...I'll give you a massage to help you relax when you're done with work". 1
katlover Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) she was probably having a bad day don't take it to heart my man i mean if you can't handle those simple words then you don't deserve this girl Edited January 15, 2015 by katlover 2
aggie382 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Men tend to want to 'fix' problems that are presented to them, even if the problem is presented as just sharing about one's day. They assume that the woman wouldn't be sharing with him if she didn't want his 'feedback' or help. But when most women share things, they're usually not asking for advice, or feedback, or for the problem to be fixed. They just want to be heard and want comfort instead. 3
Maleficent Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Well she was having a bad day and needed to vent. Perhaps a better response would have been 'aaawww I'm sorry. I'll cook you a nice diner for tonight' Idk the part where you tell her it's to be expected probably just made things worse. That being said, if you didn't like her response, you should definitely tell her. Wait until she is feeling better and tell her how her response made you feel. 2
TheGuard13 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Or she might have been joking, or even genuinely thanking you for your concern. You cannot accurately read tone into text messages, which is part of the reason its a lousy method of communication. I don't think she was particularly rude, nor were you. You poked at each other a bit. This really doesn't seem like it should be that big a deal. Thicken up your skin a bit and work on not dwelling on things like this. 1
EgoJoe Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 IMO. Dump her, she's ridiculous. If you let this slide you'll be letting selfish entitled Women walk on you your whole life. Kick her to the curb. You can do better.
Toodaloo Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Sorry but I don't see what the problem is. This is a complete none event... Its like saying some one is rude because they didn't change the loo roll over properly... I don't think either of you acted like jerks at all. Its just a non thing. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 today she texted me saying "she got rejected 18 times" i replied" aww im sorry but ya gotta expect it, not everyone will say yes" she repied back "hahah i dont need advice or empathy but thank you" She got a new job & was hoping to do well. As you pointed out sales is a tough business & rejection is part of the package. However, your word choice rubbed me the wrong way too. She was feeling rejected & vulnerable. She wanted support & an emotional hug. Instead she got a tough love pitch with instructions to buck up which is not what she was looking for from her BF. What you should have said is "I'm sorry, honey. You will do better tomorrow. You're the best salesperson I know! Why don't you come over? I'll make dinner & open a bottle of wine. You can tell me all about it." She tossed it back at you in a playful manner. I probably would have lashed out with something really nasty like "thanks for all your support *********." When I'm hurting like that it takes a lot for me to ask for help & if I don't get it, I get mean. So all in all I don't think your GFs reaction was all that bad. Buy her some pop psychology book about the art of sales / closing the deal & tell her you know she'll be great. 2
rocketman122 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Btw your reply was not empathic. That was sympathy. Most dont know what empathy is if it hit them across the face. Persoanlly my reaction is always to mirror the persons feelings if theyre pissed im pissed with them. if theyre happy im happy with them. because i feel what they feel. I know exactly how they feel. So when shes mad i wouldnt do that aww crap. I would tell her " screw them all sweetheart wth do they know anyway. Most of the populations are idiots anyway" or something like that.
Hopes Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I think she was a bit of a child, not a jerk. I also think most girls want to feel coddled in that situation. As a man, I totally do this, I want to suggest ways to fix the situation or accept it in some way. You were very right in your response, but not the response she wanted. We have to accept that most girls do not want us to fix their problems or give them suggestions how to do so, but to empathize with them and show them sympathy. "Aw that sucks you're having a rough day! First days can be so tough. Love you!..." or whatever. I don't think you did anything wrong, and I think you could talk to her about it, but most likely will just piss her off again. Could let it go and learn for the next time. It has been tough for me to do this, because I would find the situation actually quite annoying. Whining and pity don't solve the problem or change anything for next time. Solutions do.
EgoJoe Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 You are not responsible for her feelings or vice versa. However, she is rude and egotistical. Your response would have made a normal girl worth having smile and say, "Thanks, you're right. Miss you!" Next her and you'll be better off.
Emilia Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 she just started a new job selling to businesses today she texted me saying "she got rejected 18 times" i replied" aww im sorry but ya gotta expect it, not everyone will say yes" she repied back "hahah i dont need advice or empathy but thank you" i kind of think she was sort of a jerk saying that. i was trying to be helpful and you say that? what did you expect me to say "oh" im not even sure what to say back to her now to be honest Completely blown out of proportion by you, it's a bog standard response indicating that she wasn't being sensitive. Maybe she worded it wrong but just drop it and grow a pair. Don't listen to the person who advised you to dump her, he will be forever single.
Emilia Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 You are not responsible for her feelings or vice versa. However, she is rude and egotistical. Your response would have made a normal girl worth having smile and say, "Thanks, you're right. Miss you!" Next her and you'll be better off. I think I've just got sick in my mouth. 1
Redhead14 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 she just started a new job selling to businesses today she texted me saying "she got rejected 18 times" i replied" aww im sorry but ya gotta expect it, not everyone will say yes" she repied back "hahah i dont need advice or empathy but thank you" i kind of think she was sort of a jerk saying that. i was trying to be helpful and you say that? what did you expect me to say "oh" im not even sure what to say back to her now to be honest She was feeling deflated and disappointed. Her reaction was about posturing herself to continue to move forward and basically saying "she's manned up" and can handle it. You should say, "I have all the confidence in the world in you".
Toodaloo Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I think I've just got sick in my mouth. Spit it out gal it will rot the enamel on your teeth... polo?
Zahara Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) You are not responsible for her feelings or vice versa. However, she is rude and egotistical. Your response would have made a normal girl worth having smile and say, "Thanks, you're right. Miss you!" But aren't two people in a relationship responsible to each other -- one of those ways is making sure to protect and be sensitive to their needs? She was having a bad day on her FIRST day of work. She didn't get the comfort she needed. She snapped at him. Big deal. The quick solution which is to dump -- in every relationship there are going to be fights, conflict, misunderstandings, irritation, etc. It would be one thing if she was consistently this way and treated him badly, but if it was a one off -- why the need to dump someone because their bad reaction to a bad day. Next her and you'll be better off. In that case, there would be very few relationships that last. Because one little mistep and it's over. Edited January 15, 2015 by Zahara
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