wondering

[blue_eyes18]

Just wondering about something. How can you tell if someone is using you or is for real?

Maybe we just have different ideas of what a relationship is. Ok, he can be really sweet, but when he says stuff like why don't I do stuff for him instead of just trying to get him for what he's got? I mean, we were having a conversation trying to work things out, he wasn't being rude.

We kinda started wroking things out yesterday after Friday him asking me if I wanted a relationship after us not talking for a week or so cause of arguement. Well, he said he just didn't want to be hurt. Well, neither do I. Now, I am wanting to know more about his past cause I think he might really be scared. He's got his baby's mama trying to take him to court to get even more child support when he had to take her to court just to see his kid!!!

So I understand why he might act like he does or whatever.

He can be really sweet. We walked his dog 3 miles yesteday. lol

It was fun. He was so sweet. I am just so scared of getting hurt cause of things people have told me.

Yet he acts like I am the onewho is gonna hurt him.

I don't know what to do.

maybe we do just want different things and that's why I feel like this.

I don't know.

I just want to know if he is for real before I really open up.

Maybe he feels the same? I don't know.

Any ideas on how to know if he is for real or just playing?

He did say that we should just be friends if this and that. Then he said"I really care about you though," and then he kept calling me baby.

Oh well, maybe this is a dumb question. I just feel confused. He still lives at home, but works hard. He says he is moving out in a month. He is 24. I think he was hinting around he wanted me to live with him. He asked me if I wanted to a couple of months ago. That was before we got ill with each other or whatver though. I just don't want someone who really doesn't care either way about me and just wants to use a girl. Hopefully he is not like that, but I have heard he is. I don't know how good the person's word that told me that is though.

[laRubiaBonita]

i do not know al sides, but it does not sound like a fair relationship, whether you are dating or just friends.

 

he seems to do his thing regardless of what you want, think, or say, so you end up doing what he wants, when and how.

 

i would say he is using you, and maybe he does care about you too, but the later is just to keep you around.

[blue_eyes18]

SO you're saying that maybe he does care, but he is just calling me baby and all to keep me around?

I know whatcha mean, I was thinking the same thing, but I don't know for sure what it is cause I can't tell. I have a tendancy to see the good in people, and just cause I try to be honest and real, I end up thinking everyone else does, too. Lol

 

Ok. See, I am confused, you even said he might care about me but could be just using me. How can I tell the difference?

He said I just need to chill and not ask him so many questions. Do you think that maybe he wants me to feel like we're together but not actually be together right now? Just trying to keep me around like that? DO you think he is just keeping me around until he decided what he wants or something? He said he really cares about me, just to stop asking him so many questions and stuff. I guess I do end up always doing what he wants. That's not fair at all. He started being pretty sweet for the first time in a while, it seemed like it was back to normal yesterday. then, one of his pot head "friends" pissed me off by freaking out about me using their phone, like they are some G-Unit or something!!! lol

He told me that that dude was rude cause that's how he is and that's why he doesn't have a girlfriend, and not to worry about it.

That's not the point though. I am just tired of wishy washy stuff. LIke, when we were walking his dog, he starting asking me if I had been around this other dude and stuff, acting like we're together. Then the stuff he said last night. I don't know.

[laRubiaBonita]

i cannot tell you what he is feeling, or even what you Should do, i can only relay what i may do in the same sit.

 

if it were me, i would already be at a resentful stage, cause i thought he was using me, so i would already be pulling away and distancing myself.

 

try NOT speaaking with him for 2-3 days, just do not call or answer call from him, see what happens.

[lohrewok]

I had a huge reply typed but lost it.

 

This guy is a LOSER. Red flags: living at home, pothead friends, baby mama drama. AND your doubts.

 

You choose the life you lead.

[blue_eyes18]

Thanks. I know when we didn't talk or anything for about a week, well, I didn't call for like 4 days, then I went over there Friday and he acted cool. THat's when he asked me if I still wanted a relationship. I was like"Here we go again"....

 

BUT, I have been calling him and he talks and stuff, I don't know if I will see him today, I went over there right after he got home from work yesterday, and we walked his dog and all that other stuff happened.

 

Well, I think I will just wait and see if he contacts me today instead of me contacting him first. But I don't want him to think I am playing games or something, but he acts like we are going out then says something like we are still in the process, then does it again.

I don't know.

Maybe he thinks I am cool, but just doesn't care about relationships. HE did say he thinks we might have a different view on what a relationship is supposed to be like, then he called me baby. LOL

I think we might too. He thinks I am not supposed to be with him ALL the time(true) but I wonder how much I WOULD end up being around him if I left all the contacting up to him.

I don't mind showing him I care and stuff, as long as he will do the same, and I have made him understand that before I start doing all kinds of **** for him, he is gonna have to give me a reason to. That's only fair, hell, I am a woman. I am not gonna be used if I can help it. So, he can say he thinks I don't care about him(and his pit head friend told him to shut up, that if I didn't care, I wouldn't be up under him) so anyways. I don't know. I can't tell if that's how he honestly is and stuff or if he is just trying to bull**** and see what he can get form this.

I know he doesn't want to feel used either, understandably.

I guess I will just see what happens. I don't know if I will call him or not today. just to see if he calls me. It will be hard not to call him, but I don't know.

[blue_eyes18]

I already have been in the resentful stage, and he calls that fussing. He said that is why we weren't together the past couple of weeks really. He says if I will quit "fussing" and asking him questions all the time we could be together, cause he really cares, he says.

I understand where he is coming from, but I would like to feel like it's actually a fun thing, not a damn job, ya know?

Yesterday, we did have so much fun walking his dog!

Lol He was so sweet. THen last night, my son(who is a year and a half old) and I were sitting in the car with him and the guy was playing with my hair and just hugged me and held me and was talking to my son(who was really fussy at the time). It was funny.

See, he can be so darn sweet lately, but I am confused. I think the only way to really know what is going on or what his intentions are is to wait it out and see. I really don't feel like wasting the time to find out if it doesn't work. Oh well, What can you do?

[blue_eyes18]

Ya know, I think the most confusing part is figuring out where the line is. LIke, I know I deserve respect and all that, but I also know a relationship takes compromise. If I start to get worried over how things are gonna turn out and stuff, I start getting freaked out I guess. Maybe that is my fault, and I should not ask him so many questions. If that's what he means. Overall, yesterday was a good experience for us I think, so I will see how today works out.

If I even see him at all.

As far as the red flags that Lohrewok mentioned, I was definitley thinking the same things. Maybe the baby mama drama isn't really his fault though, cause his baby's mama is a dumb spoiled bitch when it comes down to it who was ****ing around on him when she got pregnant like 4 years ago. So maybe it just couldn't work out between them, maybe it's not all his fault. He is paying child support and lawyers trying to get more visitation rights to see his child.

He said when I met him a couple of months ago that he was planning on moving out. Then Friday, he was saying how he is moving out in another month. Maybe he really is, and wants someone to move with him. MAybe he had a good reason for staying home. I guess time will tell all....

[Pendawn]

In my opinion, the only way you can stop all this seconds guessing and constantly driving yourslef mad, then calling him and going round and driving HIM mad, is for both of you to sit down and talk this out. You both need to say whether or not you want to be in a relationship, and MORE IMPORTANTLY you both have to say what exactly you EXPECT form a realtionship. Most people when starting out kind fo fumble through finding teh middle ground of what both people's expectations are, but this clearly isn't working for you.

 

You need to say to him, "If you are my bf, I hope would need that to mean I see you 3 evenings a week, at least one weekend day and to speak to you on the once a day." He can then say what he expects and find comfortable, then the two of you can see if you can find a compromise or not. All this calling him, not knowing when you're going to see him etc is what is driving you mad. See if he is willing to plan more in advance when you will see each other and STICK to it. And he must stick to it. However for your part, you must stick to it too and that means NOT constantly calling him or dropping round to his place when he's not expecting you. Give him the space that is his allocated time to do whatever he wants without you.