ponchsox Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I'm 38 and have never been married. I've been in three significant relationships with one being serious. Just before I was about to propose, she flaked out on me. Because of where I live (and the lack of quality options) I've been using Match and Tinder as my primary dating resources. I'm tall, fairly handsome, and athletic (thin and toned). I own my own place and have a great job. No arrests, drinking, drugs, anything like that. I'm attracted to younger women, plain and simple. My target range is 28-33. I've been on dates with older women, in fact one recently, and I just don't feel it. I like to hang out with young and exciting people. I look like I'm 28 myself. The younger women that have never been married are so damn picky and seem like they are waiting for a made up prince charming that doesn't exist to come along and won't give me the time. When they do, I seem like a backup plan and I won't tolerate it. I'm a great guy. I'm sociable, smart, and funny. I dress very nice. The rest of the dating pool is made up of single moms and crazies which take a lot of time and energy to weed out. Quite frankly, I'm over it. I'm actually thinking about moving to a city with more young people. Anybody else feel this way?
gaius Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 No. When you really think about it there's probably a reason if a 28 year old girl doesn't have a marriage or a baby under her belt. So if you're somehow expecting to waltz in after 15 years of her dating and finally be the one to lock her down you're probably going to be disapointed. She really doesn't want that that much or she would of had it already by now. And that's not something that will change just by relocating. 1
xxoo Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 It sounds like the younger women regard you the way you regard women your own age. Frustrating, sure, but not particularly difficult to understand given that you have a similar experience. 7
FitChick Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Do you want kids? If not, then age is irrelevant. If you do, then you need a woman of breeding age. You will find more quality women of every age in a larger city. You are single so there is no reason why you can't move. Once you are married with kids you will be stuck, so enjoy your life now
Author ponchsox Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 Do you want kids? If not, then age is irrelevant. If you do, then you need a woman of breeding age. You will find more quality women of every age in a larger city. You are single so there is no reason why you can't move. Once you are married with kids you will be stuck, so enjoy your life now So I can't enjoy my life married with kids?
Ebelskiver Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I don't really understand the younger women thing. Although the higher end of your age range is normal. Most 25yo aren't going to be interested in you. And believe me, you only think you look 28. I'm 38, I tend to date younger guys (by about 5-8 years) because that's who expresses interest. That said, I have lots of fun although bars are not my scene. I'm not married and have no kids, nor do I want them. If it's a physical thing, younger women are hotter.....well, that's fun and all (I love a toned body and big d*ck) but at some point you realize that what's inside matters more. And if you land a young lady, in 15 years she won't be young anymore! I get the general impression from men who chase younger women that they are somehow unhappy with their lives and that they want to prove that they are still capable of attracting a firm, sex-crazed nympho. Or prove to themselves that the glory days haven't passed them by. I find it a bit pathetic. Any stage of your life can be awesome.....most of my friends rock, and they are my age and older and are putting up new routes on crazy alpine walls, starting businesses, going on medical missions.....basically owning life on every level. I don't see many 20 year olds who are doing that stuff. However, I wouldn't date someone who was more than 20 pound overweight, it's just what I'm physically attracted to. So, what you like is what you like. But if it's because you think people your own age are boring.....you are hanging out with the wrong people.
Omei Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 20-30 is really young to get married I mean thats only the first 10 years out of being a teenager (teens are times of selfishness) Im 28 and ive spent my entire twenties learning about myself and who I am in my adulthood Only within the recent year or so have I started thinking about marriage and as a result im really picky with men right now my next relationship when I find it will prob be heading into my 30s and id want that man to have potential for marriage certainly wouldn't marry someone 10 years my senior. Some girls like much older men but its much more rare so if you're going to target young woman you have to accept most of them are not going to be interested 2
Assada Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Nope, Dont feel like you at all OP. never felt like that. Youre just going to have to stay frustrated OP
elaine567 Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 It's not just about looks, though i guess most people in their 20's will suss out your age even though you think you look 28. There is a generation gap and a popular culture disconnect. The language is not the same. I would certainly not have dated anyone 10 years older when I was in my 20s. Could you see yourself with someone who is 48, for instance? If you wouldn't date someone 10 years older than yourself, then why do you expect a women to?
mysteryscape Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 At my age, the 40 year olds look young and hot! I actually like them better physically than the younger ones, if they have kept in shape. That said, I think the best thing is to go for women you like who like you back -- of any age. In my own case, in the past year I've gone out with women whose ages differed by a range of 45 years! This has been possible because I like and am open to women of greatly differing ages.
Jswscents Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Relax and enjoy people company and get to know them. The best things come to us when we least expect it. Don't stress yourself out. Enjoy life I am sure you have a lot to offer someone 1
Author ponchsox Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 You ladies make great some great points. Thanks for the input. I just started late in life dating and I guess I'm trying to chase my youth a bit. Is a more realistic age group 30-38? 1
Ieris Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I don't think you need to limit yourself to a specific age group. You can't control who you fall for and certainly can't control who falls for you. Just be open minded. When I was 24, I dated someone 31 and when I was 25, I dated someone 35. I have even dated someone 10 years younger than me. You just walk out of the door and you never know who you will meet that day... x 3
Author ponchsox Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 I don't think you need to limit yourself to a specific age group. You can't control who you fall for and certainly can't control who falls for you. Just be open minded. When I was 24, I dated someone 31 and when I was 25, I dated someone 35. I have even dated someone 10 years younger than me. You just walk out of the door and you never know who you will meet that day... x ^^^ This is so true. A perfect example was last week at the checkout line in my local supermarket. A woman behind me saw me and she did this smile check me out thing twice. She was gorgeous and probably my age. I smiled back and of course me being an introvert didn't say anything. Had she been single, I honestly think she would have gone out with me had I asked. Very unexpected and very flattering. 1
venusishername Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Is a more realistic age group 30-38? No. I'm now 30, and I would (and have) dated men who are in their mid-thirties since I was about 28. It's personal preference! If you stay fit and are healthy it doesn't matter your age!!! Now, me personally at this moment... I wouldn't date a man over 40. In a few years, that number will go up. When I was 25, I thought 38 was OLD! When I was 18 I thought 30 was a concept I couldn't even begin to understand. Ha! How quickly things change. No. When you really think about it there's probably a reason if a 28 year old girl doesn't have a marriage or a baby under her belt. So if you're somehow expecting to waltz in after 15 years of her dating and finally be the one to lock her down you're probably going to be disapointed. She really doesn't want that that much or she would of had it already by now. And that's not something that will change just by relocating. Absolutely. I made very conscious choices to hold off on marriage and children in my twenties. BUT... she may grow into that in her thirties. It takes time. I dated a man who was 37 when I was 28, and he was eager to get into a serious relationship, prob ready to have kids, etc. I wasn't ready for that then. I would be now though! 2
6Pack Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 OP, First, I would mention, yes, you definitely can move to a bigger city so that you can work the numbers. However, I live in a big city that does have a lot of younger women (Chicago) and I have experienced similar results as you. A lot of the women always seem like they are holding out for someone with an almost impossible combination of good looks, money and fame. But at least you can more easily work the numbers by approaching girls on the street, in coffee shops, grocery, bars etc. That is always the appeal of NYC and Chicago...dating is about proximity and working the numbers, and the walking-oriented aspect of these two cities makes it easy to do. Chicago is a great place for dating, but at the same time, it can be hard here. Women are approachable, but at the same time, they have a sort of cold passive-aggressiveness and it is kind of a turn off to me. That is the only drawback I have noticed with Chicago, whereas other towns, women are easier to get to know and arent quite as pretentious. About age ranges - some scientist once stated recently that studies show that the best age combo, is when a girl is dating a guy who is 10 years older than her. So, you are looking in about the correct age range.
6Pack Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 It's not just about looks, though i guess most people in their 20's will suss out your age even though you think you look 28. There is a generation gap and a popular culture disconnect. The language is not the same. I would certainly not have dated anyone 10 years older when I was in my 20s. Could you see yourself with someone who is 48, for instance? If you wouldn't date someone 10 years older than yourself, then why do you expect a women to? Can you provide an example of where you think that the language is different? I am 42, and I communicate perfectly fine with people who are in their 20's.
Toodaloo Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Quite frankly, I'm over it. I'm actually thinking about moving to a city with more young people. Anybody else feel this way? Yup. Although I am not looking for younger women... Thing is what sounds crazy to you and I is normal for them. I would never consider moving to a city though. Dating ANYWHERE is hard! Why not just give yourself some time out and worry about important things like your next adventure instead for a while. If someone comes along great and if not at least you are not getting jaded. I have backed off from OLD for that very reason. I just don't think its for me and I have far better things to worry about. Its not just your age either. My cousin is 50, very active and an absolute gent, good looking, stable career, funny... All he seems to attract are women going through a rubbish time (normally a divorce) who just use him as a crutch...
martaldn Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I'm attracted to younger women, plain and simple. My target range is 28-33. I've been on dates with older women, in fact one recently, and I just don't feel it. I like to hang out with young and exciting people. I look like I'm 28 myself. The younger women that have never been married are so damn picky and seem like they are waiting for a made up prince charming that doesn't exist to come along and won't give me the time. When they do, I seem like a backup plan and I won't tolerate it. I'm a great guy. I'm sociable, smart, and funny. I dress very nice. ah! :rolleyes:thats why I cant match anyone on tinder within my range of age ( I am 36 ) because men like you think that at my age girls are boring and not exciting? oh and I dont think that younger women are more picky than older to be honest, probably the girls you dated didnt find you relationship material and this is why they seem THAT picky. 1
soyou Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Oh just be patient. Looking for the right partner will take sometimes. Dont rush. Dont lose your patience. Dont lose your coolness. The moment you stop putting a pressure on it, it will become fun.
Emilia Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I'm guessing OP that you are not being honest with yourself. Athletic does not equal 'thin and toned' and everyone at 38 think they look 28, that doesn't mean it's true. Without more detail, this is I'd guess the main problem.
Author ponchsox Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 ah! :rolleyes:thats why I cant match anyone on tinder within my range of age ( I am 36 ) because men like you think that at my age girls are boring and not exciting? oh and I dont think that younger women are more picky than older to be honest, probably the girls you dated didnt find you relationship material and this is why they seem THAT picky. You seem soooo nice! 1
elaine567 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Can you provide an example of where you think that the language is different? I am 42, and I communicate perfectly fine with people who are in their 20's. YOU probably think you do, but do they think the same, that is the question? Each generation has its codes, has its popular culture and whilst other generations may have in inkling of what goes on, they haven't experienced it in the same way. It is not about simple communication. It is about the nuances and that can lead to many assumptions and a lack of real understanding.
BluEyeL Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 It sounds like the younger women regard you the way you regard women your own age. Frustrating, sure, but not particularly difficult to understand given that you have a similar experience. This is the core of the problem you have. Not the popular culture, that doesn't matter. The women you seek see you the way you see women your age or older, or single moms, i.e. like not such a great catch. Everyone wants the bigger better deal. 2
martaldn Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 You seem soooo nice! I am just giving U my point of view based on my experience there. U complained because they dont give you enough time but are you not doing the same thing with older women? you dont even give them a try! 1
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