Miraal Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Hi everyone, I actually don’t even know what the exact problem is between my partner and I – which is why I’m here. If I could at least identify the problem, perhaps I can go about finding a solution. So I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago, and we clicked immediately. I have never met anyone like him, and likewise he claims to have never met anyone like me. The first two-three months were wonderful. We were both in awe of how intellectual the other was, and how much our interests, morals and thoughts matched the other’s. The subsequent 3 months, however, were terrible (on my part) because I started noticing shady behavior and saw some red flags. It seemed like he had something going on with his ex-gf. However, I could not find solid evidence of him cheating. After those three months (so a total of 6 months into our relationship) I needed explanations for all his shady actions, and he seemed to have an answer for everything, and everything I seemed to have felt were all ‘misunderstandings’ and paranoia. Nevertheless, his shady behavior did cause a decline in my enthusiasm towards the relationship. Nonetheless, his ability to comfort/support/address all my concerns over the span of 4-5 months made me stay in the relationship. In addition, he was much more careful in how he interacted with the opposite sex henceforth, and also cut off contact with his ex as per my request. In summary, first 3 months = awesome, next 3 months = me wondering if I’m being cheated on, next 3 months = him trying to prove that he wasn’t cheating on me, attempting to regain my trust, us arguing about the same issue, me feeling betrayed, him feeling accused, us becoming intolerant of one another etc. etc. Although, I’ve overcome all that we’ve been through, we still have so many issues with one another. Our ability to communicate has completely deteriorated. We both feel depressed, defensive, and attacked every time one of us tries to express ourselves. He seems to be irritated by the slightest things (like why didn’t I tweet back at him EVEN if we’re communicating otherwise), he feels un-loved, and lonely and feels like he can’t express himself adequately. Every time we try to get back to normal we end up fighting over something AGAIN – and these things aren’t even related to his ex, or everything else we’ve been through. Is this relationship a lost cause? Are we trying too hard to make things work?
EmperorR Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 The majority of relationships are great, lovey dovey early on when people are on their best behavior, you got caught up in the honeymoon period of the relationship. Then once that wore off you saw the true him, but decided to stick around hoping that he would revert back to the character he was selling in the beginning. I'd just end it, way to much drama and lack of trust.
preraph Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 In your other relationships, did you also suspect them of cheating or is it only him? In other words, I am trying to find out if it's your insecurity or if you're usually fine and not suspicious until him. If it's the latter and it's just him, you're no doubt right that he cheated. A relationship should make you feel better, not worse. So just keep that in mind when deciding whether it's worth it.
Author Miraal Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 In your other relationships, did you also suspect them of cheating or is it only him? In other words, I am trying to find out if it's your insecurity or if you're usually fine and not suspicious until him. If it's the latter and it's just him, you're no doubt right that he cheated. A relationship should make you feel better, not worse. So just keep that in mind when deciding whether it's worth it. In my last relationship, I also suspected my partner of cheating merely because he had a female best friend who he was really close with. All my feelings made sense to me when I was with him, but after I broke up, I came to realize that all my feelings were completely irrational and my ex was in no way cheating. I was just jealous and wanted things done my way (get him to stop being friends with his best friend of 10 years). As a result of this, I tried to suppress what I felt with my current boyfriend - thinking that I was being irrational again. Undoubtedly, however, this guy DID have way more red flags than my ex if I compare.
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