jesse93 Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 A little over a year ago, I came to this site almost every day because of a break up I had. I would just like to offer my advice from my personal experience. My ex and I broke up July 2013, and I tried doing NC multiple times but every time my ex would come back and text me and tell me that she'd miss me, and because I loved her I would always cave and start talking to her. This has been going on and off for over a year, but slowly I started to realize that she didn't love me anymore, she just wanted me to stick around so that I could continue to be her shoulder. I let her use me for a year as a crutch, and the whole time I've still loved her. So here I am a year and a half later with almost no progress of letting her go because I let my feelings get the best of me, I still have dreams of her I still think about her a lot, but last night I woke up from a dream about her and I said enough is enough and told her to never talk to me again, blocked her from everything. I am coming back here after so long to give advice to people who are "friends" with their ex and still love them, get out while you can and never look back, I promise to you that it's not worth it, there is a reason so many people on this forum preach NC, it is the best and honestly only way (imo) to get over an ex. I wish I would've listened a year and a half ago to everyone on this forum when they said NC is the best way, but I didn't so here I am starting NC for about the 15th time, and I finally have the strength to stay away from my toxic situation. I wish all of you the best that are going through a hard time right now, if you're currently doing NC, stick to it and I promise you'll be happy again, you can do it!. 15
seminoles84 Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Agree, NC is the best way to go if you still have feelings for your ex. Best of luck!
Chi townD Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Okay dude. The hard part starts now. If you need help getting over the triggers and the bumps, post here. People will be here to help you through those.
EuTuBrute Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Okay dude. The hard part starts now. If you need help getting over the triggers and the bumps, post here. People will be here to help you through those. I also decided in implement hard core NC, however just like the OP i also have triggers and bumps. How do i get those to go away, Its like my heart wont let me move on even though I know its the best thing to do. I still think of her all the time, even though she doesn't love me and treated me poorly. Love does crazy things to us.
Chi townD Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I also decided in implement hard core NC, however just like the OP i also have triggers and bumps. How do i get those to go away, Its like my heart wont let me move on even though I know its the best thing to do. I still think of her all the time, even though she doesn't love me and treated me poorly. Love does crazy things to us. Those triggers and bumps do go away in time. But, that's what you need to work on is time and how you manage it. The key is to KEEP BUSY!! Does NC work and make you heal up from this? Yes. Does doing NC with making positive changes in your life help you heal even faster? ABSOLUTELY! Start going to the gym and work your butt off. Eat right and exercise. This will help you get that bod that girls are definitely going to like. Plus, burning off the stress and frustrations you're having. And by the time you're ready for bed at night, you're too tired to think about anything else and you get a good night's sleep. Get new hobbies. With those hobbies are usually clubs in your area with people that have a shared interest. JOIN THEM! Don't be afraid to meet new people. Do new things, KEEP BUSY DOING THEM!! So, join a running club or cycling club. Take dive lessons or a cooking course or a men's soccer league. Or co-ed softball. Or even go back to school! Improve yourself! Become more well rounded. The travel! There's a big world out there! GO SEE IT! Remove yourself from familiar things and remove yourself from things that are going to remind you of her. If you keep busy, you won't have that much time to think about our Ex's and even if you do think about your Ex during some "down time" that you have in between events, it's a hell of a lot better than all damn day when you're sitting around doing nothing.
ZiggyZoo Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I also decided in implement hard core NC, however just like the OP i also have triggers and bumps. How do i get those to go away, Its like my heart wont let me move on even though I know its the best thing to do. I still think of her all the time, even though she doesn't love me and treated me poorly. Love does crazy things to us. I read somewhere that the best way to deal with thinking of them all the time is to imagine those thoughts as background noise. They may be there all the time, but over time you won't notice them as much. This thought has really helped me with my over-obsessing about my ex. I just let them fade in and out, and not TRYING to make them go away really helps. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 As always, my belief is that now is the time to take a long, hard look in the mirror. IME, the ex is merely the vessel that shines a light on the areas of your own life that need to be addressed. If you skip this step, expect the same results with the next partner... just change the name!! How does one do this? Therapy. Reading books. Posting and reading here on LS. The two best books I have read in the last 2 years since my devastating breakup are: 1. No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. This book really gets to the heart of the issues of many men in todays society. I see the same issues in so many posts here. 2. Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. This book helped me realize where many of my issues stem from. Both books were a big part of the discovery process of my recent spiritual growth, and I suspect will do the same for you. 3
bigtrouble Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Very enlightening, I'm still hurting and missing, just started NC a few days ago, feeling a little better, I just want this done and over. Thank you for sharing your experience, helps a lot for us who are still struggling....
bigfred Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I also decided in implement hard core NC, however just like the OP i also have triggers and bumps. How do i get those to go away, Its like my heart wont let me move on even though I know its the best thing to do. I still think of her all the time, even though she doesn't love me and treated me poorly. Love does crazy things to us. Stay strong!! im currently on my 3rd NC and it sucks and just like you, she would call me and i would give in just a couple of weeks into it, and then break it off again beacouse she would go risht back into the BS, this time im staying in the NC for good, Dont want to be in the same situation, i also been dealing with this for about a year!! good luck keep your head up my friend
Light Breeze Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 As always, my belief is that now is the time to take a long, hard look in the mirror. IME, the ex is merely the vessel that shines a light on the areas of your own life that need to be addressed. If you skip this step, expect the same results with the next partner... just change the name!! How does one do this? Therapy. Reading books. Posting and reading here on LS. The two best books I have read in the last 2 years since my devastating breakup are: 1. No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. This book really gets to the heart of the issues of many men in todays society. I see the same issues in so many posts here. 2. Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. This book helped me realize where many of my issues stem from. Both books were a big part of the discovery process of my recent spiritual growth, and I suspect will do the same for you. Second this^^ Counseling and learning about myself as much as I can is giving me hope for the future. IMO this is the best thing you need to do after the breakup if you want to grow spiritually and improve yourself. Now, I don't have as much fear of failure in relationships or other aspects of life in the future as compared when the BU was still fresh.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 A little over a year ago, I came to this site almost every day because of a break up I had. I would just like to offer my advice from my personal experience. My ex and I broke up July 2013, and I tried doing NC multiple times but every time my ex would come back and text me and tell me that she'd miss me, and because I loved her I would always cave and start talking to her. This has been going on and off for over a year, but slowly I started to realize that she didn't love me anymore, she just wanted me to stick around so that I could continue to be her shoulder. I let her use me for a year as a crutch, and the whole time I've still loved her. So here I am a year and a half later with almost no progress of letting her go because I let my feelings get the best of me, I still have dreams of her I still think about her a lot, but last night I woke up from a dream about her and I said enough is enough and told her to never talk to me again, blocked her from everything. I am coming back here after so long to give advice to people who are "friends" with their ex and still love them, get out while you can and never look back, I promise to you that it's not worth it, there is a reason so many people on this forum preach NC, it is the best and honestly only way (imo) to get over an ex. I wish I would've listened a year and a half ago to everyone on this forum when they said NC is the best way, but I didn't so here I am starting NC for about the 15th time, and I finally have the strength to stay away from my toxic situation. I wish all of you the best that are going through a hard time right now, if you're currently doing NC, stick to it and I promise you'll be happy again, you can do it!. I appreciate you sharing your story. I love reading stuff like this. Keep moving forward. I'm sure you are an inspiration to those around here that are still struggling. 1
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