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I [26F] broke up with a guy [32M] over a stupid reason and have major regrets

swimmergirl2010

By swimmergirl2010
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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Okay. I suppose I was trying to respond that way when I responded to his text about "have a nice bday" and when I told him that a break would be good. I was trying not to be too enthusiastic. But I did go out with friends last night and realized that I missed him a lot and figured it wouldn't hurt to let him know. He didn't respond for like an hour so I'm guessing he wasn't really sure how/if to respond.

 

Yes, he probably didn't know how to respond or if he should respond, however, he did respond. So, like I said, hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

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swimmergirl2010 Member

swimmergirl2010

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It would be a good idea for you to begin working on reining this in now that you have some time on your hands. This kind of behavior gets really old really fast for those on the receiving end of it.

 

Ok, I agree. I sort of expect that he will want to end this. When I told him, "you could have told me earlier about having to work late, and also by the way, happy birthday" he said "well it's a good thing we're ending this then because i said happy birthday many times and took you out for a nice present."

 

I immediately apologized and said "I know, it was very nice. I'm sorry"

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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I'm going to back it up a bit: what was he doing still active on Tinder after you'd agreed to become exclusive? You said he wasn't meeting up with other girls..so what was he doing?

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swimmergirl2010 Member

swimmergirl2010

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I'm going to back it up a bit: what was he doing still active on Tinder after you'd agreed to become exclusive? You said he wasn't meeting up with other girls..so what was he doing?

 

That was my question. He said "everyone has tinder" and "it's a generation thing." He didn't give me a straight answer, he just reiterated that I was the only girl he was dating. I took it to mean that he probably still had his eye out for other girls. I don't believe he met up with anyone, and as he told me "I can barely keep up with how much you want to have sex with me." I told him that in a committed relationship, I would not want my partner having tinder. He then said that when he initiated the conversation about being exclusive, he wasn't proposing a 5-year relationship, he just wanted us to have time to get to know each other without worrying about the other person possibly seeing somebody else.

losangelena Established Member

losangelena

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Ugh, I'm such an idiot =/

 

No, you're not an idiot, you just make a couple of mistakes.

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swimmergirl2010 Member

swimmergirl2010

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I'm going to back it up a bit: what was he doing still active on Tinder after you'd agreed to become exclusive? You said he wasn't meeting up with other girls..so what was he doing?

 

I was still a bit upset about it but decided to move on. I felt like he had been pulling away a bit, and when he cancelled seeing me before his week-long trip, I assumed he was looking to end the relationship so I decided to just break it off. He was very taken aback though and kept saying that it was coming out of left field. So, while he may have had a tinder profile and swiped through profiles, I think he really liked me.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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I told him that in a committed relationship, I would not want my partner having tinder. He then said that when he initiated the conversation about being exclusive, he wasn't proposing a 5-year relationship, he just wanted us to have time to get to know each other without worrying about the other person possibly seeing somebody else.

 

That dovetails into what Redhead14 said about the difference between exclusivity and commitment. He doesn't view the two as interchangeable concepts. You do. Therein lies a fundamental incompatibility.

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EgoJoe Established Member

EgoJoe

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I've had the same conversation about exclusivity.

 

 

He wanted to move slowly into a relationship without playing games but without jumping to labels.

 

 

My advice is that if you really want another shot. You will need to make an expectation free gesture but don't hand off all of your power.

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swimmergirl2010 Member

swimmergirl2010

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I've had the same conversation about exclusivity.

 

 

He wanted to move slowly into a relationship without playing games but without jumping to labels.

 

 

My advice is that if you really want another shot. You will need to make an expectation free gesture but don't hand off all of your power.

 

What do you mean exactly about making a gesture? Everyone seems to be saying that I should let him make the next move.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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What do you mean exactly about making a gesture? Everyone seems to be saying that I should let him make the next move.

 

Yes, you should let him make the next move. Do not contact him again. You've already said what you needed to say, he knows you want another chance. Doing anything else will come across as desperate.

 

When a person makes a mistake, in this case, texting multiple times, the only way to possibly recover from a mistake is to not do it again.

Edited by Redhead14
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swimmergirl2010 Member

swimmergirl2010

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Yes, you should let him make the next move. Do not contact him again. You've already said what you needed to say, he knows you want another chance. Doing anything else will come across as desperate.

 

When a person makes a mistake, in this case, texting multiple times, the only way to possibly recover from a mistake is to not do it again.

 

Ok, so my texts were excessive. I'm just so afraid he thinks I'm nuts.

venusishername Established Member

venusishername

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Ok, so my texts were excessive. I'm just so afraid he thinks I'm nuts.

 

:p

I personally don't think your texts were excessive. Just don't do it again.

Wait and see if he follows through. At least he was mature enough to tell you let's take time and think about it...the ball is in his court. You put your cards on the table. Now walk away.

 

Also, who cares if he thinks you're nuts? You're not right?!

clia Established Member

clia

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Did he actually get you a present for your birthday or did he consider dinner (which he also got to enjoy) to be your present?

losangelena Established Member

losangelena

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Ok, so my texts were excessive. I'm just so afraid he thinks I'm nuts.

 

Girl, WHY?

 

You broke up with HIM. Why are you suddenly so concerned if he thinks you're nuts? Remember, before you had second thoughts, you were ready to jettison the entire two-month relationship.

 

You've sent them, now own them—you've said nothing "crazy." Don't let a bunch of whackos on reddit or loveshack tell you you're nuts.

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EgoJoe Established Member

EgoJoe

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I didn't read the part about the other texts. Keep your self respect and be consistent, that's all you can do now.

6Pack Established Member

6Pack

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How do you know he was active on Tinder? Did he actually say so?

 

One thing about Tinder...when it says he has been "active", that does not actually mean he has been on the app, swiping left/right or talking to anyone.

 

What a lot of people dont understand about Tinder, is that it is constantly running in the background, and pings out every so often. It is not that HE necessarily was active, but just that the APP is active. I read that somewhere on the internet, dont remember where, but it was a pretty authoritative source.

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